The Indian subcontinent

Guarded by The Himalayas from the West, North and East and by the three seas bordering the peninsula, the Indian subcontinent is a unique place on Earth. Rakesh Sharma once mentioned that when he was out in space, the way the Earth rotated, they would always see India from the South up, and it seemed that the landmass came out from the blue seas. The golden Thar desert, lush green Ganga-Yamuna-Indus-Branhmaputra plains, purple mountain ranges... that is home. Yes it is, but the problem is we have put pencil marks on the map and have partitioned this landmass into multiple countries and those too, fighting neighbors.

Recently I was reading Aravinda de Silva's autobiography. Other than the information about cricket, I also got to know about the culture of Sri Lanka when he was growing up, back in the 70s and 80s. Even though that was a decade or two before my time, I could very well relate to that life where academics is of supreme importance and in the middle class family where the father is a salaried professional, your main focus in life is to get good grades in school and get a decent job.

A couple of days back, I watched the Pakistani drama called Dhoop Kinare once again after 1996. It is one of the best things I have ever watched on TV. I faintly remembered the story line after all these years, but now of course I understood the whole thing much more than in '96. Also, thanks to Bollywood movies, my Hindi skills have improved so understanding Urdu is not very difficult. The first thing that came to my mind while watching this serial was that - the people all look so normal! The way they talk, behave, think all seems to reflect the culture I was brought up in. Where fathers urge their children to take up science instead of fine arts, where a mother's unfulfilled dream is pushed on her daughter (it might not be right, but we know how it works), where junior doctors stand up when their supervisor enters the room and of course if they do something wrong they are scolded quite harshly by their superior as well.

All the countries in the sub continent have the exact same history, the same culture and the same taste. Is there a single person in South Asia who doesn't like cricket or Bollywood movies? Why do we forget all the things that unite us and only concentrate on the differences? Those differences are man made too. We act like zombies under our political leads and create fake images of the "enemy country" and then hate them. We never think that 65 years back we were just the same. A Bangladeshi friend of mine once asked a Malayli common friend that how come I and the Malayli guy belong to one nation when we have nothing in common whereas the Bangladeshi girl is a foreigner to me. When Navjyot Singh Sidhu and Inzamam-ul-Haque started quarreling in Punjabi, Tendulkar didn't understand a word! This is what it is like in the sub continent.

Outside our region, here in the US, anyone from South Asia reminds me of home. We go to buy Bangladeshi fish from a Pakistani store! In London, the way we were treated at a Bangladeshi restaurant made us feel like we have gone home. There have been many incidents where people from my neighboring countries have shown greater hospitality to me than my own fellow countrymen. It is so foolish of us to try dwell on the negatives and hatred instead of trying to live peacefully.

My mom says that when we have those peace missions, instead of sending ambassadors and political people, we should send normal middle class working families in exchange programs. They should go find out for themselves that nothing changes when you cross the border. Splitting up a nation doesn't do good to anyone. We lost so many lives, made millions of people leave their homes, made refugees out of well to do families and fought so many wars. All of us suffered and we are still suffering... we will continue to until we figure out that what we are fighting for is so trivial in the grand scheme of things.

PS: And it's not just South Asia. If you peep a little over the boundaries you'll see how similar the entire East is. Arnab has an old co-worker who signs his emails to Arnab as - "your friend from across the Himalayas." It is all in the mind. If you can open your mind and heart to strangers and accept them without any condition, not only will you enrich your own life, but you'll cast a positive influence all around.

Inspiration

Even for the most internally motivated person, there comes times when some amount of inspiration infused from the outer world seems to do good. It does for me... I take up many challenges, some are of that magnitude which requires me to come a lot out of my regular life (comfort zone) but it is in my nature and I like myself for that. However, commitments really start to fade the motivation out of you when you start facing the practicalities of life. That is the time when the added inspiration keeps you on track. I turn to songs, poetry and biographies for this and there are a few people whose lives and works never ever fail to accelerate me in my path. This article is going to be a thanksgiving to these people for helping me keep doing the things which at times sap my energy out.

Swamiji, Vidyasagar, Nazrul and Netaji. If these people cannot inspire someone then I have a big doubt who can...

Sometimes the inhibition to get up and do something comes from inside. That is when I can't find any energy and feel like a total slacker. Then I think about the work that is left to do and how little time the entire human lifespan is to finish those. Luckily, nowadays I am getting better at this and I don't really waste any time doing *nothing*. It is easier to control my own self than trying to control others. The next problem is worse. That is when I try to do something but other things come in the way, be it people with their negative mentalities, damp blankets who just can't be motivated to do something or worse still work cultures (read the lack of it) that always tend to procrastinate tasks.

I have seen that in small scale when whatever cause you ask people to come out and help with, they don't. You ask them to foster kittens, they say - I don't have space. You ask them to teach kids, they say - I don't have time or it won't work that way. Then you say, ok donate some money to help homeless animals, they say - I would have done if it was for homeless people.... or they finally give you a tiny amount saying "can't afford much, I recently did this this and this and I don't have much money to spend" and then you see them posting on Facebook the designer clothes they have bought. I have asked myself countless times - why am I spending my time and energy on these things? Honestly, it is very stressful. What would these actions bring me? The kittens I fostered never would thank me. The babies who receive my crocheted blankets would never know me. The wildlife I try to protect doesn't have any idea of my existence. Then why? That is when I think the people I mentioned above talk to me through their writings and biographies. Vidyasagar never fought for educating girls thinking about how or if we would ever thank him. My current life has been enriched by him, but that by no means did bring any good to him. Netaji didn't fight for his own freedom. He could have become an ICS and led a life of luxury. He fought for OUR freedom, for a country which has shamelessly forgotten him within six decades. 

I have recently taken up another endeavor of teaching English to some middle school kids in an orphanage in rural Bengal. I think this is a test of my patience. It is disappointing when you hear them saying - oh yes we will do it for sure - and then nothing is done! Then I think that just to get Skype up I am facing this, what hurdles did Netaji have to overcome when he motivated Indians to come join the Azad Hind Fauj! That is when Nazrul's lines like - 

কাণ্ডারী! তুমি ভুলিবে কি পথ? ত্যজিবে কি পথ মাঝ?

করে হানাহানি, তবু চল টানি, নিয়াছ যে মহা ভার.. suddenly start making more sense than they did in my school days.

It is not easy, definitely not. The more you think, the more problems you uncover. The more you will find out about deplorable inhuman conditions that people live in. It makes me feel terrible and on top of that since I can't really do anything magical to bring free education to everyone, send all kids to school or spay/neuter all stray animals, I really does bother me a lot. But I do need to keep my focus and keep on doing as much as I can... call it serving my fellowmen following what Christ told us to, sharing what I have (knowledge, wealth, positive thoughts) or Swamiji's Karmayoga, I don't care. What I care about is physically doing something myself that will bring about some positive changes. 

Holiday favorites

Right after Thanksgiving, I get into the holiday mood for Christmas. This year as Thanksgiving was at the tail end of November it was even more obvious and we set up our Christmas tree on the Saturday after Thanksgiving :) Here's a list of my random favorites like always but this one is going to be holiday themed...

1. Favorite tree for Christmas - Noble fir... (but Douglas fir smells the best)

2. Favorite tree topper - Star!!!

3. Favorite decoration style - Traditional with red, green and gold.

4. Favorite character from the nativity scene - angels.

5. Favorite carol - Hark, the Herald Angels sing! (Silent night is a close second).

6. Favorite cookie - plain old sugar cookies with colored sugar sprinkled over them.

7. Favorite cake - Plum cake (from Nahoum's of New Market in Calcutta - following our family tradition)

8. Favorite tree ornament - wooden cross with Mary and baby Jesus engraved on it.

9. Favorite decoration item - candles... I love candlelight!

10. Favorite Christmas story - A Christmas Carol.

The best thing about Christmas is the holiday spirit of giving and sharing your blessings with the less fortunate ones. Sometimes we tend to forget that especially in the huge glittery consumer's market, but we should try our best to remember what Jesus had actually preached and also remember "Christ" in Christmas.

Disrupting the pink aisle

It is great but I am not surprised at the engineering toys for girls. Of course there is a mechanical engineer from Stanford behind it, who came up with the idea of inspiring girls from a very young age to get into engineering. Oh, did I mention that the CEO of GoldieBlox toys is a lady? Her name is Debbie Sterling.

When girls are submerged in pink and mauve shimmery things and their role model becomes Barbie or Princess Sophia, this "disrupting the pink aisle" video looks like a draft of fresh air. Take a look...



This reminds me of the innumerable afternoons I spent "experimenting" with muddy water, filtering them and then stirring water color into different glass cups and imagining them to be dangerous chemicals of my lab! Later, those changed to proper science projects with electric wires and batteries when I did electrolysis and copper coated a paper clip, made a nice pin-hole camera by sticking a magnifying glass to the pinhole and did experiments by overlapping colored lights. It is a pleasure to see principles of physics in action. Same about the mechano experiments where pulleys pull loads, electric fans move and motors rotate. Even creating simple circuits - bulbs in parallel and series connection and "see" how things work can make a big difference in someone's interest in science and technology.

I'm proud to belong to this class :)

Now that I have crossed all those stages and can spend my time working on cloud computing stuff, I understand how important it is to not stereotype science and technology as a boys' only thing. The best way is to start early with gender neutral toys, or rather not associating gender with toys. You go and get the one that interests you. That is the right thing to do. Then only we can increase the 11% women engineers to some respectable ratio.

Some things I am thankful for

As it is Thanksgiving in November, I like the practice of finding the things one is grateful for and write them down. Some people do it everyday as a journal, some do differently... but it is the same at the end. Here are some things I am thankful for.

A safe and happy childhood
With news of all sorts of child abuse showing up multiple times everyday all over the world, now I understand what security means to a child. It provides much more than happy childhood memories, it helps a person grow to a normal healthy human being. A baby who is loved, a child who feels happy in his home can grow up to become confident adults.

Pursuing my dreams
Be it a career or knitting a blanket, I generally get to do what I want to. And that is not negligible. There are millions of people all over the world who don't get a chance to do what they want to for various reasons. Some don't have the economic independence while others are swamped in the quick sand of society.

For a healthy body and mind
It is easy to overlook these things as granted. Only when you see someone who doesn't have these things then you realize what great gifts you have been given. The simple thing of an eyesight or having both legs of the same height can make a very big difference in a person's life. To think about what can happen when someone's mind is not healthy just overwhelms me.

A roof over my head and food on the table
... and that I didn't really have to fight for any of these.

The people I am surrounded with
 from family, friends, neighbors, colleagues, professors, hair dresser, pet sitter....all the great, funny, hard working, honest, humble, smart, helpful people that I interact with on a daily basis. I love being with people and good ones make me love that even more.

My fur babies
...unless you love an animal, a part of you remains un-awakened. My fur babies have taught me so many things...they love unconditionally, simple things like a cardboard box or a tennis ball can make them happy beyond words. Just give them enough food, a cozy place and lots of love - that's all they need. Hmm...don't we also need such few things to survive?

My family
For supporting me to have everything I needed from day 1 to this moment... :)

PS: I'm also thankful for the armed forces and law enforcement people who keep us safe and the medical people who keep us alive :)

The Y-chromosome

I have written many posts on girls and women and how to emancipate them, blah blah... but since November (or Movember) is guys' month, I decided to write about men for a change. It will be very bad if from my other articles, people think that I kind of brand guys as mean or hateful. They are surely not so. Here's to the people in my life with the Y-chromosome. They also come in various relations, from father and uncles, husband, brother, brother-in-law, mischievous friends and classmates from South Point High School, equally mischievous friends from CIEM, crazy guys the world over at UAB, peers and managers at work, neighbors, teachers, cops who were my driving instructors... a bunch of men from all over the world who mean a lot to me!

When I see little boys playing (we have dozens of little boys in the neighborhood) it feels so strange and different to what we played with as kids. These boys are always play-fighting, they are running around with crossbows and guns, killing aliens and dinosaurs...I don't know it's so very different! One of my neighbor who has three boys said it's about one or more of the following things that his kids are interested in - cars, guns and dinosaurs! That's it! Now compare it to a girl - pink shimmery things, rhinestones, Hello Kitty, Princess Sophia or at least playing keep house, dressing up, tending to the teddies and attending tea parties! They are so different and that is the fun part.

An honest and hardworking guy is a great thing to have in your life. Girls, there are so many guys in your life who make you feel special - the brother who taught you to play cricket or the uncle who listened to all the silly stories you made up, the father with whom you first mowed your lawn, the grandfather who spoilt you with as many candies you wanted, the firefighter who came to help you when your office caught fire, the coworker who mentored you when you took on a challenging project, they all make the society a better place to live at. They love us, they care for us, they motivate us and as a whole enrich our lives with their silly pranks, heroic deeds, gentleness and companionship. Cherish the people with Y-chromosome, they are great :)

Working moms

There are some debates which are never-ending. Say for example, if there is God, science versus religion, boys versus girls...and one of this list is working moms versus stay-at-home moms. Both try to prove that her job is tougher, both try to argue that the role she is playing is the most important in her baby's life. As I already mentioned that this debate is never ending, I don't suppose I can make it end, but I will try to add my views in here.

I don't have anything against stay-at-home moms in particular (they have never done anything to me!) but there are a few things that stay-at-home moms say which bothers me, not as a mom but as a working professional in general.

1. I see a trend of stay-at-home moms saying that "looking after kids is a full time job" and that "oh if our services were to be paid for, our salary would have been $100,000". Why is this need for justification? Why do they have to prove their worth in this way? If they already think that their services are invaluable, leave it at that! Also, what makes stay-at-home-moms think that their working counterparts don't have to do all these? I can't but share this picture here.

From Google images

2. When it comes to "understanding", many women say - yes we understand, some moms are forced to work in this economy, what can they do? Hello, not every woman is "forced" to work. Doesn't it occur to these ladies that some of us might just love to work? That we studied hard and worked hard to bring us up to respectable high paying jobs and that work satisfaction is not really such a negligible thing in a woman's life. There is a world of her own, other than her husband and kids and household chores and people outside of her family who respect and encourage the problem solver, the innovative thinker, the technical expert or the people manager in her.

3. Don't make working moms feel bad. Many stay-at-home moms have said, "I bring up my own kids" or "how can you send your tiny baby to the day care?" These are so very mean and so very rude. Why do you have to make working women feel bad? As if they are doing a horrible thing by sending their kids to daycare. If you can, take care of your friend's kids, if not, keep shut.

Here are some things I have thought about that only working moms can teach their kids:

1. Mom works because everyone needs to work to support themselves and not be dependent on others. There is NOTHING to be ashamed of honest labor.

2. Everyone has a dream, a target and a purpose of life. Mom has too. She might not work to keep food on the table. Maybe Dad can provide for all, but she works because she loves to and because she always wanted to become (insert any profession here) from when she was a kid.

3. If Mom is late from work, Dad will cook dinner. If Mom can't pick you up from daycare, Dad will. The gender gap will diminish once there is no "his chores" and "her chores" in the house. A family is a team. Everyone picks up whatever chores they can help with (like a self managing scrum team in software development). 

4. A second income. Maybe Mom earns more than Dad or may be not. But the best thing a two-income family does to the kids is offer them security. Especially in this economy, a two income family will not have to worry about basic necessities (and in many cases much more than that) even if one parent is temporarily not working.

5. Respecting your Mom (and women in general). A family where kids know that Mom is not just a person cooking, cleaning, nagging and serving everyone in general learns to respect women later as adults. A boy who knows "mom needs to rest after a hard day's work" or "mom has her deadlines to meet, let's not disturb her now" will always respect his wife later in life. 

There are plenty of examples of working moms all over the world from Marie Curie to Marissa Mayer - women who have great academic degrees, top jobs and who actually have pushed the human race a few notches up. The thing some people say about working women can't bring up kids right, I wonder if they realize Mme. Curie brought up her daughter Irene to be a Nobel Laureate herself. You want your kids to go beyond that?

Photo courtesy: Ayan Goswami :)

Things that make our house a home

The magazine Good Housekeeping publishes this every month - one thing that brings a homely touch wherever we live. Here is my list :)

1. Books, shelves full of them...be it study books, programming stuff, Bengali novels, cook books, astronomy, autobiographies, classics, about knitting....just books in general. Those ones that have been read over and over again that the page corners are well thumbed...they are my inanimate best friends forever.

2. Our chaise by the window, a hand-knit throw and a book...I can sit comfortably there and read...once ina while look out of the window and think...if you can think you would never feel bored :)

3. A glimpse of Bebe at the window the moment we pull in to the driveway. Having a pet waiting for you is a feeling that only those humans who are blessed to be pet parents know.

4. The kitties sleeping next to me. The content purrs teach me how to throw all worries out and sleep peacefully (for more than sixteen hours a day)!

5. The birds at the feeder. That is the only time when I get to see so many birds. Coming from a city where there were in total four kinds of birds that I knew of (কাক, চিল, পায়রা, চড়াই) this seems beautiful... blue jays are my favorites.

6. Those attempts from cookbooks that are a success... especially the foreign ones from Julia Child or the traditional Bengali ones from Leela Majumder.

7. Homegrown veggies... even if the tomatoes are tiny and I got a total of three cucumbers. They are priceless!

8. A bunch of assorted flowers on the dining table... just like that... :)

9. A lazy afternoon nap on the hammock in late summer. Freshly mowed grass? That's as added benefit!

10. A warm cup of coffee in bed on weekend mornings :D :D

Domestic violence, girl child day and Durga Puja

When I was in India I hardly ever heard about domestic violence. I knew some girls faced it, but we had a general idea that it doesn't happen in the cities and never in well-to-do families where girls are educated and financially stable. We didn't really talk about these, they were "not our concern". The first time I thought about it was when I was in UAB and I saw in the women's rest room, there were leaflets about domestic violence, what to do, where to seek help and related information. That told me how misinformed I was and the thing I thought was none of my concern is actually a life-threatening problem that 1 out of every 4 women face. Those women can be from the village or can come from the posh cities, they may be star students or field workers... that doesn't matter. This behavior has to be stopped.

There are many wrong ideas and many wrong behaviors. An abused woman might not always be beaten up by her husband. It is not just the physical abuse, it is the controlling nature that needs to be curbed. A husband (or partner, or in-laws) may just be overtly controlling, the victim may not have a say in matters concerning her or her family, she might not have any money to spend, they may check on her constantly, offer little or no privacy and check her emails and text messages, she won't be allowed to have any men friends, she might have to ask for permission every time she wants to go out of the house to visit her friends or family. These are all forms of abuse and are criminal activities which are punishable by law.

The title of this post has three unconnected items in it and my initial rantings were all about domestic abuse. Now let me draw the connection. All the three things are in October. This is domestic violence awareness month, today is the international day of the girl child and Durga Puja is going on as well in India. The first issue is a serious problem that haunts girls all over the world, the second point is something we should do to fix the root cause and the third divine lady can be our inspiration.

What's up with the girl child day?

It's a reminder to cherish the girls we have in our lives. I have my spirited power-puff girl, May and my cheerful, perpetually happy, tail-wagging girl, Bebe who continuously remind me of the great qualities that sometimes get over shadowed in human girls but those that we all are born with. This day is also a formal day to remind us of what we SHOULD do to empower girls, fix the root cause like I said. A girl who is taught from day one how special she is, how powerful she is and how she can chart her own destiny is extremely unlikely to fall into the vicious cycle of an abused woman. This girl would see her mother being treated with respect, even if she is from a poor family and has to work hard to make ends meet, she will learn how to be proud of honest labor. She will be encouraged to go to school even if she still has to help her family by working in the evenings. Her brother won't be treated unfairly over her, her husband will never be able to dominate her, her in-laws will never have the courage to ask for a dowry, because she is empowered. If she feels she is ill-treated, she will walk out bravely. She would never commit suicide because her in-laws tortured her for being dark complexioned nor would she continue an abusive relationship because her family would be looked down upon is she divorces her husband. She is brave and independent, her confidence will make her stand up for herself!

Durga is the divine woman who symbolizes power. She is the warrior and she fought against the devil to bring peace to heaven and earth when no other man or god could stand against that demon. Striding on a brave lion she went into the battle field undaunted of Mahishasura (the buffalo-demon) and fought for three days at a stretch before defeating him. She marks the victory of good over evil. Along with Durga, goddesses Lakshmi and Saraswati are also worshiped. They symbolize wealth and wisdom. The irony is that in India where people bend backwards to please the deities, they don't think twice before abusing women and keeping them financially unstable and not providing them with basic education. The problem is the same everywhere in the world, just that in India there is the added deification!

Maybe this year during Durga Puja we can try to understand the situation of women in our societies and can reflect on what we need to do about our lives and the girls around us during this time of the year and figure out a way to make the world a safe and happy place for the humans with X-chromosome?

Note: If you suspect anyone close to you is a victim of domestic violence, please don't keep shut by thinking "it's her personal problem". A single act of approaching her might be the difference between life and death. If you are experiencing abuse (or have in the past) don't tell yourself that you have to live with it. An abuser is a criminal and nothing, I repeat, nothing can be of more importance to you than you own well being. Stand up for your own self. Stop this behavior once and for all.

Photo courtesy: My friend Ayan Goswami :)

My comfort foods from over the world

The season suddenly changed to dark gloomy and cloudy fall from a sunny and warm summer and I promptly caught a cold. As I recover from my sniffles, cough and sneezes I am craving for warm steamy foods. I don't want spicy stuff as I don't want the burning feeling in my mouth, but I do want some warm, buttery food... so here's my list of comfort foods from all over the world.

Home-made jacket potato 

1. Pish-pash - This is probably an Anglo-Indian food, the recipe if which I got from an old Bengali writer. It is basically chicken and rice all cooked together. You can make it spicy, but I didn't. I just boiled them together with onions and potatoes and added a bay leaf for flavor. I love boiled chicken, so this dish, though bland is my idea of a very good comfort food.

2. Jacket potato - Enid Blyton introduced me to "potatoes baked in their jackets" but I didn't have the right idea. On our London tour this summer I found out for myself why the kids in Magic Faraway Tree craved this food. All you need is a big potato and add any kind of stuffing to it. My favorite is the chicken stuffing one which I had for lunch sitting opposite to Sherlock Holmes' house on Baker Street. I had ones with watercress, prawns and cheese too and I read online you can also have a chicken and bacon stuffing. I am thinking of making this for dinner tonight. Boiled chicken and bacon together! That too on a warm steamy buttery baked potato! Can anything get better than this?

3. Seafood chowder (with bacon) and toasted garlic bread - That kind of garlic bread that has butter dripping from it almost. As I said earlier, everything tastes better with bacon, so does seafood chowder. A cup of it does good to a tired and cold soul, a bowl of it, if you are that hungry... a true favorite of the Pacific North West and Arnab's most favorite soup of all time.

4. Tom-yum-gung - This one is a spicy and sour soup. The best one I had was a home made one by my
friend from Thailand. I never tasted any better at restaurants. The one with chicken (tom-yum-gai) is good, but the shrimp one is just heavenly! Lemon grass is added along with red chili paste I guess with blends to give this unique flavor. A great experience I'd say...

5. Last but not the least "sedhho bhaat" - This is the comfort food close to home! Boiled egg, potato and a bunch of other vegetables like cauliflower, pumpkin, okra, whatever you want to put in there, maybe some boiled lentils too, all mixed with steaming rice with a dollop of butter, or better yet ghee. Just the aroma will make you feel happy even before you eat the first mouthful. For people who would want it to be a little more spicy can have a few green chilies with it, or a spoonful of pickle. That is plain delicious...yum yum yum!

The red one is tom yum

Fido Fest

Ruff ruff...bark bark...woof woof...dogs dogs and dogs and more dogs all over U. Village in Seattle where we went for a fundraiser walk organized by Seattle Humane Society this morning. I have never seen so many dogs at one place ever in my life. Ranging from huge ones like Alaskan Malamutes, Newfoundlands and various mix and match of Huskies, German Shepherds to tiny ones like Chihuahua and Pomeranian the place was just filled with doggie laughter and fun! I loved it and so did Bebe. She sniffed and greeted them, charged at a few, barked and scolded some more...but she never got scared, even when she was with dogs three times her size!

What a great effort by volunteers and so many animal lovers to bring a little love and comfort to thousands of homeless animals who are not as fortunate as our adopted babies. Little tiny kittens who scavenge through trash just to keep there little bodies and souls together can be picked up, properly treated and given a chance to get adopted. There is where these funds come to help. Many homeless pups and kitties are sick and badly need medical help, they find them at the shelter. Some are surrendered by families who can no longer care for these animals. Like our own little May, who so badly needed a family to call her own, like Bebe who was scared of humans and was shaking out of fear in her little cooped up kennel, they all get love and care...

Looking at Bebe now who would ever believe that she was scared? Now she stands upright on her little legs brimming with confidence. Ears perked up, with a big doggie grin she pulls on her harness and leaps over the green grass. May calmly curls up on my lap as she knows that to be a safe place... Mota is always the prince. He knows humans are there to cuddle him and be grateful to hear him purr (but that was also possible because he was born at a shelter and they took care of him, his brother and their mom for the entire time before they got adopted.) 

As I love my babies it felt really good to walk together with them to create a world where they will feel loved and safe.. :)

Picture courtesy: Volunteers of the Seattle Humane Society.

Rainbow Bridge

In loving memory of Zakir Hussain and Hariprasad....

It is sad that I had so very limited knowledge about animals and limited resources that I really couldn't help you much. You needed a lot more things which I had no clue to at that time. I hope you will understand. Maybe you are the reason why I feel that I should do "something" for homeless animals, because in doing so I can reach out to you. That is why Humane Society's or ASPCA's campaigns mean so much to me, that's why I decided to bring Bebe home...

A stray dog is a dog too!

In a country where people are still "afraid" of normal cats and dogs for no reason whatsoever, where people think all stray dogs are rabied and compassion hardly gets a chance, the only way to overcome this situation is by spaying/neutering stray dogs. This is such a simple thing but I don't know why it is so difficult to implement. If just one generation of dogs get fixed, we would have the entire situation under control in a totally humane way. People also need to not be afraid of animals. Unless this fear goes away, help would never come.

Also, animals are not "status symbols".

We need to understand that and stop "buying" animals. Animals are not commodities to be bought, they need to be adopted. They are living souls. These are the people who abandon and brutally treat these animals. I won't call them "pets", as pets are always loved and cared for. I don't know what these people think these animals to be. Well, in a society where even humans are treated brutally and domestic violence is a common affair, what else can you expect?

Zakir Hussain and Hariprasad's souls are living through Bebe and through the shelter dogs whose lives I have indirectly helped make better, their souls will feel happy every time Bebe feels good to be around me. I wish I could just bring them over here now and they could get the best food, vets and care as possible. The only thing I know is they are safe and happy at the Rainbow Bridge and are playing, rolling on the green meadow where it is warm and sunny all year long and the angels are looking after them... I know I will see them again and we will cross the Rainbow Bridge together...

Street pup

Courtsey: Dogs photos are taken by my friend Ayan Goswami in Calcutta, India.

Must read: The Rainbow Bridge - http://rainbowsbridge.com/poem.htm

Looks that I love

Ok, this is going to be a girly article. It is about looks that I love in various occasions and different places.

1. The not-so-formal look

Even though I wear destroyed denim shorts and flip flops to work, I don't really think that to be very nice looking. I wear it because it is extremely comfortable and it suits my personality and nobody at work cares about clothes! But for work in general, the business casual look is very pretty. You don't have to wear crisp stiff suits and you can still be in a dark blue denim. For regular wear, white shirt with denim and a bright scarf or bright shoes look great. My general idea with colors is the same, keep the background neutral, or sublime and put pops of color in front or in small quantities. I use the same idea while decorating rooms. Anyway, yes, for regular wear, if you keep the larger articles in a cool or subtle shade, you can surely paint your nails with neon colors. For people who love watches, a big bright colorful watch can do wonders to your overall look. So can a big tote bag.

I don't like combining two (or worse still, more) patterns. Nor do I personally like pants in bright colors. I have seen yellow, pink and orange pants, but I'd rather wear white pants and balance that with a bright summery top. Jewelry look good on most women. As long as that piece of jewelry don't overtake the entire look, wear what you are comfortable with. For petites, choose very tiny pieces and preferably not dangling ear-rings.

At work, it's better not to paint nails in neon colors though. Nicely buffed nails or a french manicure looks professional and neat. Same about hairstyles, a classic bob or neatly tied pony-tail looks nice. Bangs covering half the eyes or frizzy curls are neither good to look not comfortable.

Note: Please keep in mind your own figure while choosing pants. Boot cuts would make short people look stubby and tiny. For curvy frames, leggings or ultra skinnies are a complete no-no. If in doubt, reach out for the classic straight legged trousers. (I wear them as I find skinnies to be EXTREMELY uncomfortable and boot cuts make me look, well... tiny.)

2. Absolute casual wear (clothes in which you run errands or walk the dog)

Denim and t-shirt....with a nice flip flop or flat... who says you don't need to look good when you are at Costco? Nice bright colored shorts or skirts are good casual clothing as well. You can use them as lounge wear and also can roam around the neighborhood park. They are cool in summer too. If you wear fancy sunglasses and a big brimmed hat, then you can wear these to the beach as well. In fall, big boots look very nice with shorts and jackets. Another thing I like is pairing lacy white skirts with blue jeans jackets and boots. Dresses worn with denim jackets are cool too!

3. Evening wear

I am not a big fan of evening gowns and stiletto shoes. Firstly, I don't go to parties as such, and secondly this just doesn't suit me. Finally, I'm sure I'll trip and sprain my ankle if I wear stilettos. I like wearing dresses and color-block ones are my personal favorite. They may look simple, but I don't mind. As I have skinny arms, I prefer to wear a shrug or a cardigan over the dresses. If I wear Indian clothes as evening wear, I would definitely reach for a saree. The best thing about a saree is that you can wear it in any style you want. The same piece of cloth can be worn traditionally or in a very stylish way perfect for parties if you pair it with suitable accessories, hairstyle and makeup. I like light sarees, especially silk ones. Heavy ones don't look nice on me and some are too heavy for my own weight too. During my wedding I had to wear a couple of heavy ones, but that's ok for one evening, not for regular wear. I always love to wear jewelry with sarees but sometimes I intentionally don't wear a necklace. It keeps the look light and also displays the border of the saree in a better way.

Note: Even though sarees complement all kinds of figures, we can still choose specific ones  depending on our own frames. Petite people should not wear heavy all over embroidered ones, neither should they wear sarees with wide borders. Tall women always have more options. Skinny girls should also stay away from clingy materials like Georgette or chiffon. Chubby girls look good in these fabrics, skinny ones look better in crisp cottony sarees.  

Make-up

As I have a very sensitive skin prone to acne (all the time) I prefer to have very little makeup. In most cases all I put on my face are moisturizer and face powder and a little lip-balm. When I do get dressed, I still prefer a natural look. No smoky eyes or dark red lips for me. Actually I look very strange if I wear lipstick. So I only put on lip gloss with a faint tint. For lipstick I have a close to nude shade which is the only one I'd wear. A little black eye liner would be enough too, I don't much care for eye shadows.

The final look

This is the traditional wear that every Bengali girl loves and every Bengali girl looks best in. That is the white saree with a red border. As many many many married women said (in Bengali novels) the only thing they care for is the vermillion (sindur) on their foreheads, the red-white (coral and conch shell) and iron bangles and this kind of a saree. I think that is my most favorite look... even in the twenty-first century!

Contact Lens

I never liked contact lenses. I wore them for a few years at a stretch from 1996 and then had them on and off for a while, but I just went on hating them. Why? Huff... I wore rigid gas permeable lenses which are as uncomfortable as it can get. Also, with my astigmatism, I could never really get them to fit properly. The doctor didn't mention anything clearly, my parents thought I was being mischievous or lazy when I hated to wear them, relatives tried to convince me to wear them without knowing what's really going on. They said all good things about contact lenses, yes I understand that, but did they have high astigmatism like me? I guess not! Whatever, then my lenses dried up and I threw them away.

The only time I did miss them was when I dressed up. Heavy glasses (especially the ones I had in my early-mid teens) looked horrible when I wore nice dresses and jewelry. As we grew up, many of my friends wore lenses, soft lenses to be very precise, but I couldn't wear them because they didn't (and still don't) have the astigmatism correction I need.

When I went for an eye checkup before my wedding and asked the doctor to suggest something about lenses that I can wear on my wedding (I couldn't bear the idea of wearing my glasses while dressed up as a bride) the doctor recommended wearing soft lenses with as mush astigmatism correction as possible and just forget about precise clear vision. "You are not going to take a three hour long written test", Arnab chimed in, "as long as you can recognize people, you should be good." Well, ok.. sounded good to me. The doctor gave me a bunch of free contact lenses and I packed them all to take to Calcutta with me. Then later they all dried up and I threw them away!

A couple years back I went to another doctor. He is by far the SMARTEST doctor ever. He also gave me soft lenses with as much astigmatism correction as Acuvue allows. I would have been ok with that, but then he asked, "what about watching movies? Or driving home from somewhere you want to go without your glasses?" I was like, "huh! I missed those test cases!" As I was not much bothered about my looks, he suggested - wear just your contacts when you want to dress up, but have glasses that would only correct the remaining astigmatism. That way you can see ok at most times and when you need accurate vision wear the light weight glasses with your lenses! Such a simple solution! I wonder why this didn't cross the other doctors' heads!

Now I want to see which frame I can choose for a sun-glass!

So, that's what I have been following so far. I wore my contact lenses to the sea side last weekend and for the first time could wear my sunglasses and could actually SEE the sea and the waves coming when I went to bathe in the sea....not a bad thing, huh?

India

When I was tiny, I remember my sister teaching me when the birthdays for people in our family are. She taught me that Aug. 13 is my own birthday and Aug. 15 is India's birthday! Yes, in a true sense it is. I remember very well in 1997 on the morning of Aug. 15 when I picked up The Statesman and something caught my eye - Two dominions are born - was the big headline. What!! I exclaimed as I saw Jawaharlal Nehru's picture. Then it struck me and I saw the date. Statesman intentionally draped the front page of their newspaper from 1947 after fifty years! That was fun. So our country was born in 1947. But we can't and shouldn't forget our rich heritage that dates back thousands of years.

Our country is in a bad shape now. I know that like every other person. It is terribly over populated, run by corrupt politicians and nothing seems to work correctly. In every possible place from health care to education and professors to cricketers all seem to be seeped in corruption. There are power failures at hospitals, villages still don't have motor-able roads, lack of proper education leads to problems in almost all places, religious leaders reign supreme, police officers work for political parties... you name it.

But, that is home!

That is the land I was born and that is the land where my roots are. In the crowded fish markets where Bengalis throng in the morning to bargain for the freshest Ilish, where school-college and office goers board buses like sardine cans, with the conductor crying "pechhoner dike egiye cholun" (advance towards the back - the most common oxymoron of the streets of Calcutta), in the Southern breeze that comes from the distant oceans, in the cheers during cricket matches... that's where I am from.

India will survive...The land which has withstood invasions over thousands of years by the Sakas, Huns, Greeks, Mughals, British and French does not have to fear anything. We came out of all problems, we will come out of this too.

That is where Indians will find their home...in the sage who sits in a cave in the Himalayas, in a tiny lamp that floats on the Ganga at Varanasi, in the colors of Rangoli and glass bangles, in the red bordered white sarees and taste of fish and mishti-doi, the platter of banana leaves and the fireworks of Diwali! That will never go away and with it the land stretching from the snow capped Himalayas with tulip fields in Kashmir in the north to the land of coconut palms, backwaters and tropical rainfall of Kerala in the south, to the fertile green plains of Bengal in the east to the golden desert of Rajasthan in the west will always be there to give us a feel of home...

বলো বলো বলো সবে 

শত বীণা বেণুরবে 

ভারত আবার জগতসভায় শ্রেষ্ঠ আসন লবে 

The last year in my twenties

I may look like someone in her teens (I get carded everywhere possible), but the truth is this is my last year in the twenties! Even though it sounds like I am slowly creeping towards the really grown-up age but well, that shouldn't be bad right? It is just another decade, life goes on in the same way...the world stays the same...

Things were so different for me 29 years back though...it was like a Big Bang. Till the time I was born there was just darkness, then in a moment I was flooded with information. Light, sound, touch, pain, smell, taste and the basic consciousness about being alive. Isn't that the best thing? To be alive in this world!!

A world full of people and animals, beautiful blue sky, bright sun, stars like diamonds, green trees and fields of wheat. To be alive to cherish these beautiful things, to smell a rose, to pick a home grown ripe tomato, to roll on the cool grass on a summer afternoon, to walk up snowy ridges and to see the lapping waves of an ocean at my feet is worth living.

To grow up in a family where one is loved and cared for, the very fact that there are happy childhood memories, to have a husband who is a friend and partner, to have friends to hang out with from all over the world, friends who speak different languages, come from different religions and cultures but with whom you can share little details of your life. Co-workers who help and teach, who encourage you to try out new things, learn new technology. Teachers (physical and virtual) who inspire and teach you good morals and lead by example. The things we can take in from this world to enrich our lives, those are the best.

If you don't love yourself, no one else would. If you don't respect yourself, then also no one else would. However, pets are different. They are the only beings who love you without any expectation. I am so blessed to have Mota, May, Peanut Butter and Bebe in my life. Every night when Mota lays himself down next to me, cuddled up into a fur ball, I feel so great and every morning it's Bebe with her enthusiastic jump on the bed who wakes me up with a "Good morning" woof!

Life is great when you feel great. And you feel great when you accomplish something good, when you love and are loved in return, when people appreciate you or just feel good when you are around. With that comes sharing all the good stuff I have...when I am happy I would like others to be happy. There is so much to do and so much to learn...I don't know if one lifetime will be enough for all that.

On Bengali marriages

There might be some article on marriages, yes not weddings, but I haven't seen them, so I wanted to write one of my own. Like everything, the concept of a marriage has changed a lot over the ages and the transformation has been great over the last half century or so. I would concentrate on the Bengali ones, but I guess those are pretty much similar to the ones all over India.

In the 1800s, girls were married off when they were little kids and their husbands would be in their early to mid teens. As they were so little, girls would keep on living at her father's house for some more years, until she becomes of child bearing age, that would be her early teens though. Those marriages would involve a middle man, or woman, who would bring information of prospective brides and grooms. Then caste and astrological matches were calculated, with that the basic things of if the girl is pretty or if the groom's father has say a lot of land would be looked into. The bride and the groom would never ever see one another. In most cases their parents would not see their prospective spouses either until the very day of wedding.

Later, with boys getting more educated and some of them moving out into the cities for higher education, they started complaining about early marriages. As a result, the age of boys went up significantly from teenage to early twenties. Conservative families still didn't like this and even though some families encouraged their sons to go see their would-be spouses, many other families totally rejected that idea. In the stories of Rabindranath, we see these young men who would at times go with their guy friends to see the brides. Some of these men who were open to western education didn't want to get married to child brides. Even with a wide age difference of ten years or more, they wanted a little older girls. Especially for families in Calcutta, school educated brides slowly became common. Those girls would be able to read and write Bengali, they read story books and were proficient in writing letters. In the famous novel "Prothom pratishruti" that was the kind of daughter-in-law Satyabati wanted.

With the onset of Brahmoism, a class of Bengalis became extremely well educated and shun the rigid orthodoxy. Here I am talking about late 1800s to early to mid 1900s. It was the time when Bengal Renaissance lit up the entire society and people gained that consciousness to question what is right and what is wrong. Even though all these were arranged marriages, that is the family decided on the match, both the brides and grooms were allowed to meet one another before the wedding. There might be a few "love marriages" in those days, of people inspired by the British, but those were negligible.

From the mid 1900s, love marriages increased in count. Also, in some of those marriages, the spouses were from different castes and backgrounds, which in those days were small revolutions I'd say! However, in most of these cases, the common trend was the new bride would move in with her in-laws. Even though educated, she still would not have a career. There were some women who were teachers, but mostly they would leave their jobs, if at all they had any, after marriage. Some men who were working out of the city would take their wives along, but generally people stayed with their families in their ancestral homes.

In the later part of 1900s, say in around the 60s, a new trend grew among the well educated community. Then young men started to leave the country and settle abroad. Before, there were barristers, engineers and doctors who would go to study in Britain, but they came back after completing their studies. This new generation did not come back. They were the first instances of brain drain. They took their wives with them to the USA and had their kids there. They would come once a year or so to visit, but that was all. These wives in most cases found a career abroad and they were the ones who had their "own home" outside that of their parents and in-laws.

The concept of nuclear families became more apparent and normal families started to be called as "joint families". People moved out of their ancestral homes, partly because those old houses became too much to maintain and flats were easier to maintain and gave a sense of independence as well. From the 70s, women were working as well in many families and so they wanted to have a different set up and not tow the lines of their mums-in-law. The concept of marriage went through a lot of change. These young women were married in their early twenties. By that time they completed their graduation and some even studied for post-graduation after getting married. If they were working, they wouldn't give up their jobs just because they are married now and the families realized that another source of income is always welcome. Also, families started having lesser number of kids, so parents didn't really worry about marrying off their daughters at an early age.

When we were growing up, parents did not want us to get married before settling into a job or securing our studies well into completion. In our generation, even for arranged marriages, these young people were not just allowed, but encouraged to go out together, watch movies, eat out so as to know one another better before marriage. This is a very big step. Also, nowadays there are at most two kids in the family, in many cases just one. So girls are getting similar encouragement for studies, extra curricular activities and career guidance. When marriages are arranged by parents, the only difference is that the bride and groom are introduced to one another by the family instead of they themselves taking that step.

Expectations have also changed a lot over the ages. From the time where wives were supposed to cover their heads all the time and not speak in front of elders, nowadays girls comfortably wear western clothes at their in-laws place and continue to have a normal life without any restrictions. Many people have their own setup even when they live in the same city. Living in a different apartment doesn't mean that they are not on good terms with their parents or in-laws. It is just a comfortable distance.

With people debating about the differences of love marriage and arranged marriage and about women's lib in our current society, I'd end this article with a funny story. This is from Leela Majumder's story, I am just translating. Long back in the late 1800s, a very emancipated family decided to let their daughter see her prospective husband and then the girl and her would-be husband can choose to proceed with the match or not. An extremely bold step in those days. Everything was planned and this family went on a picnic to the zoo where the young man would come with his friends. The men walked round the place where the girl was sitting, she really liked the young man and gave her approval when asked. Later, on the wedding evening she found out that he was not the guy whom she liked! No one specifically told her which one among the group of guys was her future husband!! Well, but at that time she was already married and she didn't complain about it. They lived happily married for sixty long years...it is for a reason they say marriages are made in heaven!

Culture SHOCK!!!

Shock would be too mild a word to describe my (and Arnab's) feelings yesterday. We were YouTube surfing to find something to watch last evening when Arnab came across some Bengali movie song, the name of which he couldn't comprehend at once. We played the song to see what it is about and that is when we got this shock. It is horrifying to watch that. I'd any day prefer a third class alien movie over it. The guy is Jeet, and I don't know the girl, but they were dancing to this song which had totally disgusting lyrics and the vulgar clothes and dance moves actually would hurt the eye. We probably have seen similar things in Bollywood songs a lot, but it makes me sad to see these getting reflected in Bengali culture, a culture which we so dearly love and are proud to show case in the world.

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I am bragging about it, but I would still say the brain drain that started in the late 1960s and is continuing till date has started to show its effects back home. Every year a batch of bright students are scooped up and barring a few exceptions, the not so brights are left behind. They may go abroad for higher studies or go to other parts of India for work. Whatever it is, Calcutta (and Bengal) have started to see a gradual decline in the quality of people.

I have left home six years now and every year I visit I see sub-standard people around in places like Victoria Memorial, Museum and those other ones which were frequented by students and young kids brought by their families. Instead the rush seems to be at South City Mall, where it seems just roaming around in the mall has become the latest trend. Talking about movies and tv shows, only a handful of movies like Bhooter Bhabishyot, Kahaani or Meghe Dhaka Taara are worth mentioning. The rest are of the lot I started this article with. They are reflections of the substandard Bollywood culture which Bengalis have always looked down upon. Last time in Calcutta I saw dance shows for kids on TV which I just couldn't stand. What do they plan to do? What do they plan to teach the young kids? To want to grow up as those dancers?

Where did Bournvita Quiz Contest go? Or the science quizzes for high school kids sponsored by Doordarshan ? Isn't there anything constructive like debates or proper classical song and dance competitions? Do they still have sit and draw competitions in school like the ones Fevicryl organized for us? I doubt. And these things are shocking me, horrifying me as well as saddening me.

A few recent Bengali movies I watched all had something or the other about extra marital relationships. They show drinking and smoking as a new fashion even among girls. I mean, come on, this generation has grown up knowing the effects of smoking, even after that how can they think it to be a fashion statement. And girls!! Do they not know the ill effects smoking has on the health of girls, especially when they want to have kids later? For those people who watch these movies and think this is what happens in the West, FYI, it doesn't. Smoking and drinking are considered extremely bad in the West as well as everywhere else. Other than a glass of wine or a mug of beer I haven't seen "parties" where the sole reason is to drink. Well, it is different among college kids, they do drink beer, but not among grown ups. Being drunk is a bad thing. As for smoking, there are major disincentives for that and smokers smoke on the sly, they don't show it off.

I read a few "interviews" of Bengali soap stars. They are so below the standard that the movies they say they like or the actors they love can't go beyond Bollywood movies. If someone says her favorite movie is "Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam" then I have got to worry about that person's intellect. Someone who is unintelligent in one way would most likely be unintelligent in every other way.

If this is what Bengali "culture" has down graded to, then I will be totally happy to not teach my kids anything about Bengal. It will be much better to NOT know Bengal at all than to know these disgusting down market stuff. I would have said the culture is going to the dogs, but I won't because yesterday when the horrid song was on, Bebe jumped up and barked in her most mad way and tried to bite us and make us stop that song. Bebe seems to have got much better taste than many of our fellow humans.

Stay unfair, stay beautiful

This is a cliched topic I know, but promoting dark complexion seemed such a refreshing break that I decided to give it a thought and write about it.

In India, I think it came from the Aryan invasion when the dark skinned Dravidians were defeated and driven off beyond the Vindhyas. From then the fair skinned Aryans thought they were a "superior race" and how else to distinguish from the natives other than skin color? "Non-Aryan" became a swear word and inter-racial marriage was not considered a good thing. We have a long history of racism and discriminating against dark skinned people, thousands of years older than the civil rights issues. Like humans still carry forward some remnants of evolution, we Indians have carried forward the skin color bias. In the marriage-market (it is sort of a market, where parents of brides and grooms try to "sell" their products), being a dark skinned girl is a curse. Fair boys definitely need matching fair brides and dark boys also need fair girls to compensate for their darkness. Then what happens to the dark girls? This is a riddle which is not yet been solved. In a society where the words fair and pretty are synonymous, it is no wonder that fairness creams are marketed really easily. What do the advertisements show? A girl who could not get married or a girl who was not sure if she'll make it to the Indian idol all used fairness creams to bleach their faces and look pale and finally reached their individual goals. No mention about their talents, no mention about hard work...just fairness!!! Is it what we really want to teach our girls?

Nandita Das' campaign just caught my eye. She is a very beautiful and bright lady who has a dark complexion. But like many other pretty ladies with sharp features, I think she wouldn't have looked this pretty if she was paler. She is insisting girls stay the way they are and stay beautiful. Nothing is prettier than the natural skin tone you are born with. Same goes for hair and eye color. They all compliment one another. How would an Asian girl look in blonde hair? Or an African girl with blue-green eyes? It somehow wouldn't match.

While all these stuff happen about fairness in India, here in the West it is all about tanning. People are getting skin cancer by exposing to the harmful UV rays but that doesn't stop them from tanning. Bronzers are available everywhere and when I went to buy a face powder, the lady at Macy's gave me one which would make me look a shade *darker* than what I was. Ironically, when we were growing up in India, I knew that while choosing foundation, you need to choose one that is a shade *lighter* than what you are. My skin tone is exactly in the "medium" range so the funny thing I get to see is here I am offered face products in the warm shades and in India they offer me products of the same brand in the cool shade!! LOL!!

The grass keeps on staying greener on the other side...that part is for sure. The only thing is when people try doing destructive things to look better be it pressure from the society or from fashion magazines, that is where we need to make it stop.

Girls, stay exactly as you are - fat, thin, dark, fair, tall, short, whatever... nothing matters. Just eat well, do healthy stuff, go out with friends, dress up (in anything you feel comfortable), hang out with boy friends, make a reach a target in life in work or school and sleep a lot. These would keep you healthy and happy. Well, after all there is nothing more beautiful than a bright smile :)

Superhit Muqabla

Bollywood songs have not really been considered a good thing when we were growing up. Unlike the millennial parents, our parents did not encourage us to wear skimpy clothes as kids and participate in dance competitions which are "in" things nowadays. Watching Superhit Muqabla was our only way to enjoy Hindi film songs.

How we loved that! It has been twenty years since, but I still have fond memories of that TV show. There would be a countdown of ten songs and there would be a jockey who would present it. Finally they had a round where there was a lucky draw. I have forgotten what happened to that "lucky person" but I remember that everyone were sending so many post cards that post offices were almost running out of those!

The glittery world of music, song and dance was very attractive to our young minds. There would be pretty girls and handsome boys dancing in picturesque locations wearing fashinable clothes which we did like to watch. We really didn't understand most of the songs at that time, mostly because I didn't understand Hindi was actually a boon. A few months back Arnab and I did a recap of Superhit Muqabla where we watched snippets of those songs on YouTube. Then it became very clear why our parents didn't like us watching those songs. Most of them were not suitable for kids, not even teenagers! They seemed so extraordinarily impractical now and made no sense. But we liked to watch them.

The funny thing is I am shocked to see how well we still remember the songs that we listened to all these twenty years back. I tried to figure out what is the reason for remembering these songs when we don't have the slightest clue of what were there in our school books from that same time....but I just couldn't find the reason!

These songs act as stress relievers, because you don't need to think much while listening to them, most of them have a nice rhythm and they are good candidates for easy listening. Sometimes they are good as background music when you are cleaning the house or cooking. The rapid beats make you work faster and you feel good. 

Yesterday I was listening to "Ande ka funda" while at work. The weird song did really make me feel good even when my REST requests were not behaving the way they should have :)

The girl after my own heart

A few days back I posted the following picture of May on my Facebook timeline and said that if I ever have a human daughter, I'd want her to be like May.

Why so? Well, look at the picture and tell me what you see. Don't you see courage personified? Don't you see confidence in those green eyes? Isn't the way she is show perfect poise and grace? And she is so regal and pretty with such a no-nonsense attitude about her!! It is true sometimes she hates being picked up, or snaps at the brush during her grooming, but that is ok. What ultimately matters is a soul who is totally comfortable with her existence and can very well rule the rest. That is why I love May so much and that's the sole reason I want a human daughter like May. Whom, people will have to think twice (or a few more times) before wanting to mess with. May lets others know that with some timely smacks by her little claws that can tear apart dogs' noses and vets' hands. 

Brave, confident and graceful. Those are the attributes I like in girls. Those are the things that makes a girl the beautiful yet resilient being on whom everyone can depend. 

If we have more girls like May, I am sure there will be much less tolerance towards oppression. These brave girls will fight for the right cause and would never be hesitant to strike back. They will reach their full potential and make use of their talents. However, they will retain and develop on their feminine identity. Feminine should not mean all pink and fluffy stuff, nor should it bring the image of a docile, placid little thing who is always comfortable in a subservient role. A perfectly feminine girl can have a bold and strong personality and can rule the world. 

I love you May. I wish you all the warmth and comfort and a sunny kitty condo near the window. So that you can sit there all day and hiss at the passers-by (humans and dogs and Peanut Butter) and later you can fight with your brother and sister and drive them off from your room. Wish you all the kitty-pleasures that your kitty-heart wants :) You are truly the girl after my own heart!

London

I have been very busy before I left on my trip to London so didn't get any time to write articles here. Now for the coming week, I'll have to finish my psychology course and would not have any time to write here either. Whatever time I do get, I'll write in my travel blog because I have to finish putting the London diary in order.

While I take a break here, feel free to take a peek at the London notebook here - http://london-notebook.blogspot.com/

Kitchen and herb garden

"The glory of gardening: hands in the dirt, head in the sun, heart with nature. To nurture a garden is to feed not just on the body, but the soul." - Alfred Austin (Source: http://www.brainyquote.com)

Pansies

There are few things in the world that can come close to the joy of gardening. When we bought this house, it came with a tiny little patch of grass and a bit of soil all round it. The first year I tried my hand at gardening was not a success, it was too overwhelming for me. I had tomatoes the size of peanuts (no, they were NOT supposed to be cherry tomatoes) and my cucumber and egg-plants promptly died after transplanting them. The next year, flowers turned out quite well, they thrived for a little longer than the veggies of the previous year and they looked very pretty. I even had some cut flowers to put on the dining table. That was nice.

Tomatoes

This year I was determined to give the garden some more effort. Firstly, Arnab is tending much more to the grass than before. He is gaining experience too. Secondly, I planted the flowers directly in the soil surrounding the grass. I have seen earthworms there while tilling, so the soil must be rich in nutrients. Next, I bought bigger pots (than I did before) for the veggies. Maybe this potting soil is better too, but the plants are still ok and most of them have started bearing fruits now!

My herb garden started from seeds. It is very heartening to see the seeds germinate and the first sight of little minuscule green leaves poking out of the soil is exhilarating! It's the first glimpse of life! I have got lots of cilantro so we don't have to buy cilantro any more. Rosemary is growing very well too. It has got a fresh smell to it. (That reminds me, I should rub some on the fish I plan to bake tonight.) Parsley and Tarragon also came out very well. I am hoping that I'll get some more cilantro if the snails leave some of them for me. The snails and slugs are eating healthy these days it seems, so they are harvesting my greens before I get a chance to!

Herb on garden rack

The best of the herbs is catnip. I got the seeds from a friend and started the plants indoors. At first tiny leaves showed up, but then they all fell down and I thought they were dead. I did a good thing by bringing the plant out (after the last day of frost) and kept on watering the dying/dead plants. I don't know how but miraculously they came up again. And now they are sturdy little plants with velvety green leaves. I tear off one leaf per day and give it to Peanut Butter. It is a joy to see him rub his nose against it and then eat the leaf!

My egg plant was in a static state for the last 3 months. It didn't wither away but it didn't show any growth either. After coming back from our vacation now I see one bud. I hope it will thrive well. Tomatoes are doing the best. I already harvested some bright red ones. Sweet pea was doing well too until Bebe picked up the plant in her mouth and tossed it away. I put it back, but it didn't live any more. Good that we at least got to eat some of the peas before Bebe decided to throw it away. Now I am waiting for the three cucumbers to fatten up....

Wouldn't it be loverly?

If you were given an option to do whatever you like for whatever time you want it to, what would you choose to do?

For myself, I do like my analytic job as a test automation developer where I get to solve some highly technical programming problems and while writing automation, I am reminded, everyday that the simplest tasks we take for granted are never that obvious to a computer, and I appreciate the human brain even more. But that doesn't mean that I don't have other professions that I like.

There was a time when I really wanted to study physics and become a research scientist, but now I would hardly call that my dream job. If I really had to become a research scientist, I would want to live in a university town all my life, probably not get married and also don't think of having a nice home and family. I would have spent most of my time in labs. Which is very good, but would have been a disaster to me!

Given the mentality I have now and the things that please me, my second option would have been a lawyer. I sometimes wonder if I'd make a feminist divorce attorney... perhaps I would. Empower the girls to get rid of their shackles. Anyway, I am currently reading Arthur Hailey's "In high places" and Alan Maitland's ideals look good to me. The best thing about law is that it exists. Also, tricky law points excite me and it is fascinating how humans can find loopholes in existing law and solve problems (like finding loopholes in a software developer's code). Very interesting profession. I probably wouldn't want to be a criminal lawyer though, that would have been a little too scary for me.

The second one would be a blog writer. Hehe, isn't that what I am doing right now? Well, yes partially true. But I would love to be a professional blog writer. I like writing, so it would be good if I could be in my PJs and sit at home and write...not bad.

How about an interior designer? No, I don't like those half eaten coffee tables, crooked vases or just-about-to-fall-on-your-head wall decor. Neither do I believe that you have to be extremely creative in order to design and decorate a nice home, nor do I believe that "everything has to be in perfect order" in a house. Actually, a good taste and a mid-sized budget is all that you need to have a nicely decorated cozy home. I like neutrals in the background with pops of bold color. Color is extremely important to lift the mood of the inhabitants but that doesn't mean I'd want to paint my bathtub in streaks of orange or put fuchsia curtains in the master bedroom. Anyway, this is not going to be a post on home decor, so I shouldn't say any more on this subject.

The final one would be owning a yarn shop where I can also have classes or group knitting sessions for charity. I would like to have a group of ladies get together and knit-knit-knit while they chat. At the end you have some nice knitted stuff to donate and you also have a bunch of happy contented women :)

Facebook and human psychology

I did an experiment in my psychology class where I found that there is a positive correlation between the importance of social life and Facebook activity. Huh! Well, we might think that who didn't know this, but it was fun to see that in real life data.
I am pretty much a Facebook fan. I love connecting with my old friends from school over Facebook, and also love to share pictures with family and friends. But, as Grumpy has said, I too will die of sleep deprivation if Facebook adds a "dislike" button!
Why?
Mainly for the stupid things people share, without thinking. Those "pleas of help" for some missing child or "important information to share" are absolute spams. They do no help in anyway other than directing traffic to the spammers sites, or worse still, can be depots of malware. Also, for those things like - what to do when people throw eggs at your windscreen or enter your ATM pin the other way to avoid robbery are as stupid as they can get. And I seriously wonder at the intellect of those people who re-post them. Has anyone ever tried to enter the pin backwards? Has anyone tested that? If that was the case, banks would let you know that. Oh, and those of you who think Facebook will donate 1 cent for each "like", you are sadly mistaken. If you really want to help anyone, go do something tangible. This way you are satisfying yourself that you are "helping" some poor person when in reality you are helping spread spam!
The worst of the lot is sharing pictures of gods and thinking that will bring good luck, or it will cause bad things if you don't share. People who think they are smart actually share these!!! ROFL!!! :D :D

Less irritating, but still weird is how people share random quotations and just put the name of someone famous. Then those quotations start making their rounds through people's walls. Again ROFL!!

Then again are the philosophical messages. I didn't know people were so philosophical before I saw those on Facebook. In real life they seem as rash and hot headed as every other person, but on Facebook they share Zen quotations :D

Another thing I fail to understand is, pictures (of girls) ALWAYS have people commenting "so sweet", "so pretty", "OMG! You look fabulous". Do people really mean those? Same about baby pictures. Everyone say "how cute". Seriously? I understand that most baby pictures are cute, but surely not always!

Source

Then there are what I call the "bandwagonish" status messages. If some famous person dies, everyone have to comment RIP :D Started with Steve Jobs, then it goes on and on and on. People who never read say some author's books would be the first ones to comment RIP when that author dies.

Still these bandwagonish messages are better than those whose creativity ends at a status message saying "good morning friends". Hehehe!

The WORST of the entire thing is writing in that special style where letters are eaten up. Where "that" becomes "dat" and "I'm" becomes "m". Nowadays people write bengali in this way too, using Roman script! I sometimes wonder why? There might be a need of this style when people compose text messages, where using more letters might make it longer. But' what's the use of this online? You have a full keyboard to use and no one is setting restrictions on how many letters you can use. It's not even "cool". It makes the stupid messages look even more stupid.

So, the end verdict is, Facebook is an awesome thing. It helps us connect with people for social, family and business reasons...and it is a real life experiment where you can just sit an observe human psychology. I'm definitely going to recommend this to any alien if they want to have a crash course on understanding the basic of human behavior!