Valentine's Day

What's the big deal about it? I don't think anyone knows. Some people say why pick out one day to celebrate love? Others say, why shouldn't we? It's about cherishing that particular person in our lives. Some people become very emotional about their spouses, single people sometimes feel bad and at other times try to behave like "grapes are sour" and say all sorts of stupid things to feel good. In all this flows the strong current of commercialization. Humans have not yet failed to amuse me!

I read some articles about the original St. Valentine and then this being a festival to herald spring and what not. Yes, for people who live in cold climates (or in Seattle), spring is very much a welcome break. I see why people became so happy after seeing the climate warm up a little and blue skies shining. And then if there is a way to welcome spring and meet other young people, then why not!

I love Valentine's Day celebrations. Well, I generally like celebrations of all sorts and now I have the American festivals along with the Indian festivals to celebrate so I am double happy! That's why I do celebrate Valentine's Day. I counted this is my 17th Valentine's Day celebration. There are two things that have changed, one is the people and two is the way I celebrate it.

Initially, in the late 90s when this became a big deal back in India, going to "Archie's Gallery" and buying cards were a luxury to us. We would save pocket money (allowances) to buy those and get chocolates. Well, I shouldn't quite say "we". It were the boys who did it. Then they wrote passionate love letters on ruled papers torn from notebooks. Those letters were always in English and they quoted lines from famous songs. Those letters were invariably torn up by the girls to whom they were given and the chocolates always eaten up by friends of that girl. It was at that time when as girls, our sole mission in life was to hate boys. Now, in retrospect I feel so sorry for those boys. Poor kids, they just wanted to be our boyfriends!

Gradually that changed and we slowly started to reciprocate their feelings. This I am talking about late school, early college days. We would sometimes even get permission to go out with those boys in the afternoon and had to definitely get home before evening. Other than exchanging simple gifts, if we could afford it, some people would go to movies or to coffee shops. I remember going to Barista once and eating a pastry worth Rs. 35 which was an exorbitant sum of money for a piece of cake! But yes, that was just one day in the year. Going out for movies or early dinner was ok in our late college days. I personally didn't like going to movies (unless there's some specific movie I wanted to watch) with friends as I thought it to be a total waste of time. You can't talk while watching movies! As most of our friends were single at this time, I have to write about them too. I remember one friend jokingly saying on 14th Feb that she would go search for a boyfriend with a flashlight in hand! There used to be a lot of drama invariably going on around Valentine's Day.

In UAB there was a time when all of my friends were single and that was the time we enjoyed a lot! These people were in general very happy and friendly beings and on being single they were available to hang out with the entire group almost all the time unless they had to study or were busy for academic reasons. There wasn't any drama in this group and I think we all liked everyone else, quite a difficult thing to achieve when there are so many girls! In 2009, we had an "International Girls' potluck" for all the girls in the group and like I said before they were all single, some "geographically single" because of long distance relationships, one "technically single" because she was about to break up, another was "totally single" because she never wanted to be in any relationships. We are wore pink clothes and didn't invite any guys so had all the food to ourselves.

Source

I thought I had grown up after I got married, but then I found out that I haven't. At work, we gave pink, white and red girly cards to the guys in our team with geeky love messages written in them. Like - "always together like a key and a value" or "roses are red, violets are blue, I promise never to open a bug against you". Then we ate funny cupcakes with pink and red frosting which had heart shaped rings as toppers. the guys are cool, they loved this.

I don't believe that once you get married you should stop celebrating Valentine's Day. The only thing is the style changes. Like for me, I'd prefer to have a nice home cooked dinner with Arnab now rather than sitting and talking in a coffee shop. The main thing is if you know that you are loved then it doesn't matter whether you got nice presents, or had a dinner cooked for you. If someone makes you feel special, then chances are that you are anyway celebrating love all through your life :)

On being a teacher

When I first came to know the thing about having an ambition in life, my first choice was that of a teacher. I had my own blackboard where I'd write the alphabet and teach my stuffed animals. I used to have an attendance register and would call out their names before starting to teach. I realize why. In that age (I am talking 4-6 years range) of course we stood in awe of the teachers in school. They were the all powerful beings in our small worlds and so I wanted to be like them.

Gradually that faded out and more serious career options came in to my life, that of being a scientist or astrophysicist. A teacher sounded so boring compared to them. I threw that old silly ambition out of my mind. Then things started to be more practical and I realized just a liking of astronomy is not enough to become an astrophysicist. I'd never have that dedication and it would require a huge amount of effort on my side to master the super difficult scientific problems of astronomy. I took a Coursera class last year on astronomy and believe me, so far it has been the toughest subject I ever tried to learn. Computer programming comes nowhere near it! Glad I never attempted to make a career out of it, that would have been devastating. Anyway, I finally settled down to a more practical career and I intend to continue this. But, life is full of surprises.

I don't really think that Bollywood movie dialogues can be quoted, but here is one that I should. In "Jab we met", when the guy was regretting that he could never be a musician anymore, Kareena reminded him that his life is not over and he is sounding as though he is already dead. That is true. Unless your life is actually over, you can't really say that oh I cannot do this anymore. Of course you can! And opportunities don't come if you are not interested, they don't fall onto your lap. You should be the one seeking it.

I was looking for volunteer options online when this one - to teach English to kids in rural Bengal struck me. I always think of "how would I find the time to do this" when I attempt something new, but here I told myself I will have to find some time. This is important. I applied for the position and got it. That was the easy part. Difficulties started AFTER that.

First was communication! They only understand Bengali, so I had to work with them to set up Skype. That took three weeks. Then was talking over Skype. That took like two days to be able to see and hear each other. Then started the actual class. The first day I took their attendance I thought of my first students - Heffa Lump, Goldie, Whitie, Brother, Winnie...it's just the same! Now the classes are going on for a month and at first even though I was appalled at their grammar the reality is slowly seeping in me. They are orphans from rural Bengal. I can't expect them to know their tenses and their spellings. It is just not possible. I have a lot to work on and so do they. I don't expect all of them to learn fluent English in probably their entire lives, neither do I expect them to write elaborate essays. All I am targeting for these kids to grow up with confidence and for that they need to know how to think, read, speak and write simple English (with correct spelling and grammar) and make the process as fun and enjoyable as I can.

What am I gaining in the process? I guess this question would always come up in any volunteer opportunity you take. What I am gaining is satisfaction. And with it experience! Some young kids halfway across the world who were writing really bad English are slowly, very slowly picking up the right grammar. They are enjoying conversations with me, telling me about their lives, what they like to eat, how they play football in the mud, even inviting me to come stay with them. These are the big things in life. The satisfaction when I see one correct sentence in their homework, when they excitedly raise their hands to answer in class or some particular student would write some more essays just to show that she loves English gives me the confidence to push them forward.

The road is long and there are so many miles to cover before I sleep!

Bon appetit!

Contradictory to what they say about girls from the old land of Jessore (now in Bangladesh) to be good cooks, I never thought cooking to be a big deal while growing up. Yes, I had issues with the daily food that was served and sometimes got tired of the plates and bowls for apparently no reason other than maybe my teenage and wanted to cook something different, but mostly the kitchen stayed outside my world.

Cooking at my dorm was just out of the very old fact that I had to eat to survive. That was the main reason. I looked up recipes online but didn't have ninety percent of the ingredients and what was mainly lacking was time. On most days I had to cook when I was already hungry and I just plain hated it. No wonder why students survive on instant noodles and coffee.

I actually started to like cooking after getting married. That was the time when I realized that I can have my own setup in the kitchen and on the dinner table. Don't underestimate this feeling ladies, this is a big thing. I can cook whatever I want to and can serve it as nicely as possible, maybe put flowers or candles to decorate the table as well. No one will ask me why I am wasting my time over these even if the reason for doing all these on a random day may be that "I just wanted to, that's why!" So began my cooking expeditions.

There have been a lot of good things in marrying Arnab. One of them is that he loves to eat all sorts of food. It's not that he would only like Bengali food and nothing other than that. So I have full freedom in the kitchen. But then who taught me to cook? Here is the fun part... Julia Child and Leela Majumder....two ladies from two different parts of the world and completely different backgrounds and most importantly I have never met either of them. But through their cookbooks they have inspired me and have made me try my hand at French delicacies and traditional Bengali fares with the same enthusiasm. I can't pronounce the names of most of Julia Child's recipes (that's another reason why I'm learning French) and even though Leela Majumder's recipes are about Bengali food, but some of them are from East Bengal and as a result I have no idea of how they should taste or look like. So both of them are challenging in their own way.

The world of cooking is a great one. To cook a good meal gives you a confidence and puts you close to being an artist. It has the same joy of creation. For me, while cooking koi-machher Ganga Jamuna, I can flip the fishes correctly into a different sauce I feel that. Same when hollandaise sauce does not curdle or a chocolate cake has the correct amount of sweetness. It is a great feeling, kind of like when you hit a ball with the center of a cricket bat!

I am glad that I found the right mentors to follow in this endeavor. Leela Majumder herself was exposed to the western style of cooking and western dishes so she could very well explain and compare those in her book and Julia Child of course had the "serventless" housewives in mind. So both work very well for me :) Also I like their styles of cooking. I have read many recipes for Bengali food in books, newspapers and the like but I never liked those. Most of them tell you to put a bunch of spices which in my opinion should clash in their flavorings. Also, some people unnecessarily try to be creative. I don't see any reason why ilish should be cooked with yogurt or onion-garlic and mustard paste should be added together in some dish! I think people have done those to western food as well, but as I don't have much experience with traditional European food, I can't comment on those.

Anyway, so here I am trying out my somewhat new hobby of cooking... and learning to find my way in this big and so far not much explored world of cuisines. It could be the genes I got passed down from my grand mom (on my mom's side who was a great cook) or could be that girls from Jessore anyway love to cook. Time and place changes but the characteristics probably live on...

On quality of life

Yesterday when the Seahawks won, I was really happy. This time I actually followed a football game, understood quite a bit of it, at least enough to know what was going on and cheered for my "home team". (The other time being the Seahawks game against the 49ers two weeks back.) If I thought about it even a few years back, I wouldn't believe that one day I'd download the NFL app on my BB. NFL?? Really?? But I did that just yesterday and I liked the game. What a change for a cricket fan! 

I sometimes think about the life I am leading and try to figure out the comforts and the challenges. When we go to visit Calcutta, there are some people who tell me to "come back to India" for good. Some people have asked my parents why they let their only child to go off to a place half across the world and there are some who are certain that all those people who settle abroad are selfish hypocrites. Anything you mention about India that you don't like and you'll be surely bombarded with "why don't you come back and fix the problem instead of complaining from your plush life?" I wonder if more than a billion people already residing in a country can't fix a problem what big of a difference can one more person make? Or they pull up statistics showing how bad the society where you are living is.

It is true that almost every person who has settled abroad has done that because of a better life. Recently I was having an argument on Facebook where someone was probably trying to tell me that his life is better than those living abroad because he is at home, he gets to meet all his friends over the weekend and goes to work in some air conditioned buses or something like that. And I think he also wanted to say that immigrants like me are slaving their lives just for money. I am not exactly sure about his comments because I had a hard time understanding it. This whole thing came up because of a blog post where the author was explaining why is it good to stick to home.

I wouldn't say this guy (with whom I was arguing) is not right. It all depends on how you see life. If you are glad to remain in your comfort zone and all you ever want is the regularity of the life you have been living for the last two or three decades then yes, stay at home. Right with the same set of people you know almost from birth. There would be hardly any variations and you'll be happy. I personally know quite a few people who are so lost in the US. They don't travel, don't want to meet people, not even neighbors. They cook the food they have been cooking forever and only meet those few people who speak the same language. If you are like that, then stay home where you will be at least leading a normal life. If you settle abroad and then all you do is feel miserable because you can't get your traditional food, then don't. Some people live like that for ages, complaining about everything in the new society, yet living there. 

Even though I didn't know about any of these people, nor did I have a plan about what exactly I'd want to do when I was coming here, I think I did a great job by migrating. Now I am getting to do a lot of stuff that I never really thought I could. I don't think I could do any of my volunteer work from India even if I managed to find time after working in the sweat shops called IT companies. Of course I just thought about myself when I came here, about my degree and the step right after, either a PhD or finding a job. Even now, my main focus is definitely to lead a comfortable life, for which I'd need a good job, I'll have to maintain the house and do all the practical things a normal person should. But that is not all. That is where "quality of life" matters. For that I need my three babies healthy and happy as ever, the birds that I feed, my tiny patch of garden, travels, hikes near Mt. Rainier, my colorful stash of yarns, Julia Child's cookbook, supportive co-workers, the security of a safe neighborhood, emergency services that I can depend on, honest and friendly people around and the clear blue sky that I look up to while relaxing on my hammock.

There is so much to do, so many places to see and so many things to experience... I don't want to waste my time...