When I was in India I hardly ever heard about domestic violence. I knew some girls faced it, but we had a general idea that it doesn't happen in the cities and never in well-to-do families where girls are educated and financially stable. We didn't really talk about these, they were "not our concern". The first time I thought about it was when I was in UAB and I saw in the women's rest room, there were leaflets about domestic violence, what to do, where to seek help and related information. That told me how misinformed I was and the thing I thought was none of my concern is actually a life-threatening problem that 1 out of every 4 women face. Those women can be from the village or can come from the posh cities, they may be star students or field workers... that doesn't matter. This behavior has to be stopped.
There are many wrong ideas and many wrong behaviors. An abused woman might not always be beaten up by her husband. It is not just the physical abuse, it is the controlling nature that needs to be curbed. A husband (or partner, or in-laws) may just be overtly controlling, the victim may not have a say in matters concerning her or her family, she might not have any money to spend, they may check on her constantly, offer little or no privacy and check her emails and text messages, she won't be allowed to have any men friends, she might have to ask for permission every time she wants to go out of the house to visit her friends or family. These are all forms of abuse and are criminal activities which are punishable by law.
The title of this post has three unconnected items in it and my initial rantings were all about domestic abuse. Now let me draw the connection. All the three things are in October. This is domestic violence awareness month, today is the international day of the girl child and Durga Puja is going on as well in India. The first issue is a serious problem that haunts girls all over the world, the second point is something we should do to fix the root cause and the third divine lady can be our inspiration.
What's up with the girl child day?
It's a reminder to cherish the girls we have in our lives. I have my spirited power-puff girl, May and my cheerful, perpetually happy, tail-wagging girl, Bebe who continuously remind me of the great qualities that sometimes get over shadowed in human girls but those that we all are born with. This day is also a formal day to remind us of what we SHOULD do to empower girls, fix the root cause like I said. A girl who is taught from day one how special she is, how powerful she is and how she can chart her own destiny is extremely unlikely to fall into the vicious cycle of an abused woman. This girl would see her mother being treated with respect, even if she is from a poor family and has to work hard to make ends meet, she will learn how to be proud of honest labor. She will be encouraged to go to school even if she still has to help her family by working in the evenings. Her brother won't be treated unfairly over her, her husband will never be able to dominate her, her in-laws will never have the courage to ask for a dowry, because she is empowered. If she feels she is ill-treated, she will walk out bravely. She would never commit suicide because her in-laws tortured her for being dark complexioned nor would she continue an abusive relationship because her family would be looked down upon is she divorces her husband. She is brave and independent, her confidence will make her stand up for herself!
Durga is the divine woman who symbolizes power. She is the warrior and she fought against the devil to bring peace to heaven and earth when no other man or god could stand against that demon. Striding on a brave lion she went into the battle field undaunted of Mahishasura (the buffalo-demon) and fought for three days at a stretch before defeating him. She marks the victory of good over evil. Along with Durga, goddesses Lakshmi and Saraswati are also worshiped. They symbolize wealth and wisdom. The irony is that in India where people bend backwards to please the deities, they don't think twice before abusing women and keeping them financially unstable and not providing them with basic education. The problem is the same everywhere in the world, just that in India there is the added deification!
Maybe this year during Durga Puja we can try to understand the situation of women in our societies and can reflect on what we need to do about our lives and the girls around us during this time of the year and figure out a way to make the world a safe and happy place for the humans with X-chromosome?
Note: If you suspect anyone close to you is a victim of domestic violence, please don't keep shut by thinking "it's her personal problem". A single act of approaching her might be the difference between life and death. If you are experiencing abuse (or have in the past) don't tell yourself that you have to live with it. An abuser is a criminal and nothing, I repeat, nothing can be of more importance to you than you own well being. Stand up for your own self. Stop this behavior once and for all.
Photo courtesy: My friend Ayan Goswami :)
There are many wrong ideas and many wrong behaviors. An abused woman might not always be beaten up by her husband. It is not just the physical abuse, it is the controlling nature that needs to be curbed. A husband (or partner, or in-laws) may just be overtly controlling, the victim may not have a say in matters concerning her or her family, she might not have any money to spend, they may check on her constantly, offer little or no privacy and check her emails and text messages, she won't be allowed to have any men friends, she might have to ask for permission every time she wants to go out of the house to visit her friends or family. These are all forms of abuse and are criminal activities which are punishable by law.
The title of this post has three unconnected items in it and my initial rantings were all about domestic abuse. Now let me draw the connection. All the three things are in October. This is domestic violence awareness month, today is the international day of the girl child and Durga Puja is going on as well in India. The first issue is a serious problem that haunts girls all over the world, the second point is something we should do to fix the root cause and the third divine lady can be our inspiration.
What's up with the girl child day?
It's a reminder to cherish the girls we have in our lives. I have my spirited power-puff girl, May and my cheerful, perpetually happy, tail-wagging girl, Bebe who continuously remind me of the great qualities that sometimes get over shadowed in human girls but those that we all are born with. This day is also a formal day to remind us of what we SHOULD do to empower girls, fix the root cause like I said. A girl who is taught from day one how special she is, how powerful she is and how she can chart her own destiny is extremely unlikely to fall into the vicious cycle of an abused woman. This girl would see her mother being treated with respect, even if she is from a poor family and has to work hard to make ends meet, she will learn how to be proud of honest labor. She will be encouraged to go to school even if she still has to help her family by working in the evenings. Her brother won't be treated unfairly over her, her husband will never be able to dominate her, her in-laws will never have the courage to ask for a dowry, because she is empowered. If she feels she is ill-treated, she will walk out bravely. She would never commit suicide because her in-laws tortured her for being dark complexioned nor would she continue an abusive relationship because her family would be looked down upon is she divorces her husband. She is brave and independent, her confidence will make her stand up for herself!
Durga is the divine woman who symbolizes power. She is the warrior and she fought against the devil to bring peace to heaven and earth when no other man or god could stand against that demon. Striding on a brave lion she went into the battle field undaunted of Mahishasura (the buffalo-demon) and fought for three days at a stretch before defeating him. She marks the victory of good over evil. Along with Durga, goddesses Lakshmi and Saraswati are also worshiped. They symbolize wealth and wisdom. The irony is that in India where people bend backwards to please the deities, they don't think twice before abusing women and keeping them financially unstable and not providing them with basic education. The problem is the same everywhere in the world, just that in India there is the added deification!
Maybe this year during Durga Puja we can try to understand the situation of women in our societies and can reflect on what we need to do about our lives and the girls around us during this time of the year and figure out a way to make the world a safe and happy place for the humans with X-chromosome?
Note: If you suspect anyone close to you is a victim of domestic violence, please don't keep shut by thinking "it's her personal problem". A single act of approaching her might be the difference between life and death. If you are experiencing abuse (or have in the past) don't tell yourself that you have to live with it. An abuser is a criminal and nothing, I repeat, nothing can be of more importance to you than you own well being. Stand up for your own self. Stop this behavior once and for all.
Photo courtesy: My friend Ayan Goswami :)
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