Behind every successful woman is...

Today is the last day of Women's History Month. Not sure if I like the concept of having a special month for women's history, but it is true I get to know a lot about many women who have been pioneers. For example, Grace Hopper. In general I would like to cherish men and women both who have tried their best to make the world a better place. So today, I would write about a few men who were behind some successful women.

I have written about Dr. Pierre Curie before. I think the Curies were the best couple ever! I still don't know why women don't want to be like her. I mean, really... she had the best partner, two amazing daughters, a wonderful career... what else do people want? However, without Pierre Curie how much of this would have been possible? If he believed that a woman's home is in the kitchen and insisted his wife "bring up the daughters" because "kids need their moms more than anything else", we probably would have lost the twice Nobel Prize winner and ended up with a frustrated snappy woman. Maybe... who knows?

Anyway, people still know about the Curies and their amazing partnership. Today I want to talk about another person who is not very well known outside Bengal. He is Dwarakanath Ganguly, husband of Kadambini Ganguly, the first female doctor in India. Dwarakanath was an emancipated individual was almost like a mentor to Kadambini who was a young widow. In those days (mid 1800s) being a widow meant the end of life for a Hindu girl so basically Kadambini was expected to live her life within the four walls of the women's quarters with almost literally not seeing daylight ever. Dwarakanath saw the potential of this young woman and encouraged her to complete her formal education and then go for medical studies. Realizing that the society would never let a single woman achieve these lofty goals, Dwarakanath, a widower himself, decided to marry Kadambini and give her the social platform.

Kadambini had many kids from this marriage but she did not have any problem in leaving her kids with her mother and go to England to get her medical degrees - LRCP (Edinburgh), LRCS (Glasgow), and GFPS (Dublin). I wonder how many husbands in these days would let their wives do this. And just FYI, after she came back from England she set up her home just like any other married woman, brought up the kids and made a lot of money through her medical practice. These actually support my belief that a lady who can handle career can handle the stuff at home quite easily. 

I will end this part of my anecdote by narrating an incident of Dwarakanath. He found out one day that a certain newspaper editor wrote insulting comments about emancipated women. He went to that editor's office with a stout stick in his hand and the paper cutting of that editorial. He was quite a big guy, so the editor got a little scared and asked what brought him there. Dwarkanath replied, "to make you eat your own words." And that's what he literally did. Made that editor swallow that piece of paper cutting. The editor published an apology the next day.

That's how you "Lean In" :D

There is another person whom I need to acknowledge when I talk about successful women. He is Ishwar Chandra Vidyasagar. I owe all my thoughts, all the words I have spoken, all the sentences I have written and all the confidence I have ever shown to him! And I am sure millions of women from Bengal do the same as well.

Yes, women do have to struggle much more than men in order to be successful, but there have been many a man behind these successful ladies.

Down the memory lane to the 1990s

I have forgotten the TV shows, remember snippets of those cricket matches but when it comes to the advertisements I not only remember them very well but some of them I liked so much that the memories associated with them are very fond ones.

Thanks to YouTube, we can watch the ads too just like we can watch old TV shows. When I watch these I seem to wonder what happened to the simple lives we had? The families, the clothes, the means of conveyance...seems like life was much simpler. Families had a proper structure, neighbors were much closer and little things really made people happy. I understand there were problems too, but maybe as I was much younger, I only associate the 90s with much fondness.

This is the ad I would start this series with. Those people who buy cars after almost landing on their first jobs make me wonder what happened to this India? (The video is so old that it is pixelated)

This is from 1989 actually

And this is of that little boy whom we all like... the word "Jalebi" is sure to bring back memories of this ad.

Dhara

This music, replayed many times on different instruments still tell the same story. A household, a wedding, two sisters, their father...the main thing is the commodities never really matter that much. We anyway buy Titan watches. These ads just make us remember those days more than the things they tried to sell.

Titan

Now comes the story of India... Amul deserves a blog article just for its own. I don't know of a single major event in India that they have missed. That girl is just too familiar in Indian households. She is literally present in every dining room all across the country.

The funny thing is that in the commercials, all the characters look like her but you can distinguish the famous people without fail, be it Sachin Tendulkar, Sushmita Sen or Pranab Mukherjee! And here's the ad that takes you across India...

Amul

And here's my favorite. If I have to choose my best ad ever, it would be this one. Maybe because of the fact that the thing is Cadbury. Our most favorite chocolate with the logo of a glass and a half full. And also because it shows the snowy white clad cricket player. Where did they all go? The red leather ball? The open stands? I have lovely memories of the 1996 World Cup and of Aravinda de Silva associated with this ad. This is a must watch.

Cadbury's

This one is extra...this is Arnab's special favorite

Feviquick

Sukumar Ray - the polymath

I don't want to beat about the bush, so I'll start with this - to call Sukumar Ray an author of children's literature would be a grave injustice. People who think "Aboltabol" is a book for children lack depth on the intellectual side. Tell me, what has it got that is for kids? What makes "Ha-Ja-Ba-Ra-La" a kids' book? Yes, kids sure can read those, but those have profound inner meanings. Have you ever wondered at the meaning of the first poem in "Aboltabol"? Maybe I think too much, but that one always makes me visualize a place where you can be yourself without any inhibition. Where creative people, or rather, borderline crazy people like me, can come together and have a fun time without having to wonder what anyone would think of them. It is like giving you a blank canvas and saying, "don't worry about what you are painting, just paint anything you want to." I do hope there is such a world somewhere as depicted in this poem.

The only thing that strikes me when I try to understand Sukumar Ray is that how did he manage to find and own the fountain of eternal joy? Coming from an extremely intellectual family, which was one of the pathfinders of Bengal, he definitely had creativity in his DNA. But unlike most people who have become writers, Sukumar graduated with a double honors in Physics and Chemistry from the University of Calcutta. With such a strong scientific background coupled interest in literature and art and what is even more difficult to find is an amazing creativity, wit and this eternal joy.

I read the letters he sent to his family while he was in England (London and Manchester) as a student of photo engraving and lithography. Happiness flows like an undercurrent in all those letters. He seems to be glad with everything, he finds something to be happy about in all the letters. He mentions the pranks that his housemates played on him and also what he did in return, he narrates how his land lady had fits of laughter when she heard what the boys did, how a Japanese friend sang something that everyone thought was a war song but it actually was a love song... there was no mention of depressive weather, little about homesickness and nothing about disliking anything out there, other than some food. But even though, it does not sound like that was much of a deal. On the other hand, in the two years he was in England, he visited museums, watched a Ranji cricket match at Oval and in general gathered a lot of experience which later showed up in his writings.

It is difficult to come across one witty person these days in Bengal, so it shocks me on how Sukumar gathered a bunch of witty young men and created a clib called "Monday club". Most of them were extremely famous in their own fields later on, like the statistician P. C. Maholanobis, poet Satyendranath Dutta (my super favorite), educationist Suniti Kumar Chatterji, poet and composer of beautiful patriotic songs Atul Prasad Sen and many more. They seemed to be enjoying every moment of it. The wonderful creative invitations, funny parodies of serious songs, plays that they wrote and staged give me an impression of the general level of Bengalis in those days and makes me happy and sad at the same time. Happy that there is so much to be proud of, so much to learn from and sad because that quality has diminished at an alarming rate and has come to a negative number.

The good news for people who read is that the books will always be there. The books that bring me mentally close to these people, the ones that let me visualize their household of unparalleled creativity and fun. I think I can see Sukumar painting by the open window of his room, Upendrakishore (Sukumar's immensely talented father) walking up the stairs with the first volume of the first children's magazine in Bengali - Sandesh fresh from his press downstairs, the entire family gathered around Upendrakishore sometimes composing funny poems one line at a time, at other times learning about Physics, watching the moon through a telescope...these things help bring up a person in a right manner. And that is not confined to just the family, through the books, the ideas spread to anyone who wants to pick it up. Gladly, I am one of those.

Lean In

On the eve of International Women's Day, for the first time I will write an article on men. The reason being #LeanIn. I don't know from where I should start as this is a topic very close to my mind and heart. I have so many men to thank for leaning in to help me grow all throughout my life and I have been lucky that in the case where I could choose, I did make the right choice.

If you haven't yet heard about Lean In, you should do it immediately. Here's the link - http://leanin.org/ The stuff which is my common rant (I have multiple articles here touching the same subject for years) includes how men need to chip in housework. The home is for both spouses and the responsibility of having a happy family by no means can fall only on the woman. It just defies common logic. Not surprisingly enough, I saw Lean In making the exact same remarks and of course, in a more organized way and by experts. Even though feminists sometimes see men as the main antagonist to a woman's happiness (with the news of domestic violence it is at times hard to believe otherwise), I am happy to see Lean In looking at the involvement of men from a positive angle. Instead of bringing the bad examples, this organization is celebrating the good ones.

In a society which universally believes that women still cannot have it all and that glorifies "sacrifices" mothers make to their careers by putting their kids higher up in priority list, this is like a breath of fresh air. I quote this from the site directly - "And if anyone, including that voice in your head, insists you must choose between work and family, remember that men routinely assume they can have both—and you should too." I think we should get the examples of women who did have it all. Instead of saying "she was an exception" why don't we try to make them the role models? If one woman can do it why can't we all?

We do need help. And there are two sets of people who can help us. The first one is one's parents. If a girl is brought up to be independent then she would believe in herself and really know that she can excel at work AND raise a family. I know of many women like this. If you are looking for role models, please let me know and I can introduce you to these fantastic ladies. The next person who plays a major role is the husband. Lean In mentions - "Date whomever you like, but when it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner—and that means doing half the work at home." I can't agree more with this. This is a very serious decision we have to take in our lives and I am so glad that this was perhaps the first thing I discussed with Arnab the moment "marriage" came up in our conversations. We did not talk about many things. Things which are pretty important in our lives now, like pets and hobbies...but the two things I made clear was that 1. I am going to work and career is super important to me and 2. I won't be that kind of a wife who toils in the kitchen after a full day at work so I would expect equal partnership from him. Oh Em Gee!!!! Wasn't I super wise at 24??

I should thank Arnab for being such an exemplary 50/50 partner. And, taking a step back I actually should be thankful to my in-laws for raising such a son. Would he be able to think like this if his parents did not have a positive way of thinking? If his mom did not teach him to do household chores, won't he automatically assume that his wife's place is in the kitchen?

Well, I wouldn't have this confidence in putting career first if I was not brought up like that. There's this LeanIn person, my dad, who is to be credited for this. From time immemorial till today the only thing he reminds me is "to be independent". He tells me all the time that economic independence is the first thing a person needs to live with dignity and that if you don't have a job, the society would invariably look down upon you (maybe unknowingly, but it would). Long back, I think I was not even 10 at that time, I was repeating something I heard from some elders about "if the husband makes enough money, why would the wife need to work?" To which he replied by, "then a girl who is a physics graduate would sit at home and cook dinner?" That was the mentality that was imbibed in me and I am so grateful for that. I was told that I have potential and I must (actually read that as M.U.S.T.) do the best I can. Initially it was about studies, now it is about work. There is a reason why I love work!

And there is another reason why I love work (not just this company, but work in general). For which I have to mention my managers and my team mates. It could be just my personality that is never shy to be assertive, but if the team was mean, I would never have the positive environment to work. Gender bias is there in the world, but I have not felt it. All the stuff I read in Lean In about work, never applies to me. In our field where women are grossly outnumbered by men, I never feel ill at ease. I have the atmosphere to discuss and challenge technical solutions, learn from mentors (yes, they are male mentors) and have always been encouraged by my managers (they are guys too) to go beyond the comfort zone and to take on challenging work where I have to push myself a notch higher.

Men and women, we are all in it together. Like new life cannot form until men and women come together, nothing new can come if 50% of the population is suppressed or is aloof. So, girls, reach out for help if you feel you are taking on much more than you can handle. And guys, remember, you can't be truly happy if she is not happy. Think about it...