Things that make our house a home

The magazine Good Housekeeping publishes this every month - one thing that brings a homely touch wherever we live. Here is my list :)

1. Books, shelves full of them...be it study books, programming stuff, Bengali novels, cook books, astronomy, autobiographies, classics, about knitting....just books in general. Those ones that have been read over and over again that the page corners are well thumbed...they are my inanimate best friends forever.

2. Our chaise by the window, a hand-knit throw and a book...I can sit comfortably there and read...once ina while look out of the window and think...if you can think you would never feel bored :)

3. A glimpse of Bebe at the window the moment we pull in to the driveway. Having a pet waiting for you is a feeling that only those humans who are blessed to be pet parents know.

4. The kitties sleeping next to me. The content purrs teach me how to throw all worries out and sleep peacefully (for more than sixteen hours a day)!

5. The birds at the feeder. That is the only time when I get to see so many birds. Coming from a city where there were in total four kinds of birds that I knew of (কাক, চিল, পায়রা, চড়াই) this seems beautiful... blue jays are my favorites.

6. Those attempts from cookbooks that are a success... especially the foreign ones from Julia Child or the traditional Bengali ones from Leela Majumder.

7. Homegrown veggies... even if the tomatoes are tiny and I got a total of three cucumbers. They are priceless!

8. A bunch of assorted flowers on the dining table... just like that... :)

9. A lazy afternoon nap on the hammock in late summer. Freshly mowed grass? That's as added benefit!

10. A warm cup of coffee in bed on weekend mornings :D :D

Domestic violence, girl child day and Durga Puja

When I was in India I hardly ever heard about domestic violence. I knew some girls faced it, but we had a general idea that it doesn't happen in the cities and never in well-to-do families where girls are educated and financially stable. We didn't really talk about these, they were "not our concern". The first time I thought about it was when I was in UAB and I saw in the women's rest room, there were leaflets about domestic violence, what to do, where to seek help and related information. That told me how misinformed I was and the thing I thought was none of my concern is actually a life-threatening problem that 1 out of every 4 women face. Those women can be from the village or can come from the posh cities, they may be star students or field workers... that doesn't matter. This behavior has to be stopped.

There are many wrong ideas and many wrong behaviors. An abused woman might not always be beaten up by her husband. It is not just the physical abuse, it is the controlling nature that needs to be curbed. A husband (or partner, or in-laws) may just be overtly controlling, the victim may not have a say in matters concerning her or her family, she might not have any money to spend, they may check on her constantly, offer little or no privacy and check her emails and text messages, she won't be allowed to have any men friends, she might have to ask for permission every time she wants to go out of the house to visit her friends or family. These are all forms of abuse and are criminal activities which are punishable by law.

The title of this post has three unconnected items in it and my initial rantings were all about domestic abuse. Now let me draw the connection. All the three things are in October. This is domestic violence awareness month, today is the international day of the girl child and Durga Puja is going on as well in India. The first issue is a serious problem that haunts girls all over the world, the second point is something we should do to fix the root cause and the third divine lady can be our inspiration.

What's up with the girl child day?

It's a reminder to cherish the girls we have in our lives. I have my spirited power-puff girl, May and my cheerful, perpetually happy, tail-wagging girl, Bebe who continuously remind me of the great qualities that sometimes get over shadowed in human girls but those that we all are born with. This day is also a formal day to remind us of what we SHOULD do to empower girls, fix the root cause like I said. A girl who is taught from day one how special she is, how powerful she is and how she can chart her own destiny is extremely unlikely to fall into the vicious cycle of an abused woman. This girl would see her mother being treated with respect, even if she is from a poor family and has to work hard to make ends meet, she will learn how to be proud of honest labor. She will be encouraged to go to school even if she still has to help her family by working in the evenings. Her brother won't be treated unfairly over her, her husband will never be able to dominate her, her in-laws will never have the courage to ask for a dowry, because she is empowered. If she feels she is ill-treated, she will walk out bravely. She would never commit suicide because her in-laws tortured her for being dark complexioned nor would she continue an abusive relationship because her family would be looked down upon is she divorces her husband. She is brave and independent, her confidence will make her stand up for herself!

Durga is the divine woman who symbolizes power. She is the warrior and she fought against the devil to bring peace to heaven and earth when no other man or god could stand against that demon. Striding on a brave lion she went into the battle field undaunted of Mahishasura (the buffalo-demon) and fought for three days at a stretch before defeating him. She marks the victory of good over evil. Along with Durga, goddesses Lakshmi and Saraswati are also worshiped. They symbolize wealth and wisdom. The irony is that in India where people bend backwards to please the deities, they don't think twice before abusing women and keeping them financially unstable and not providing them with basic education. The problem is the same everywhere in the world, just that in India there is the added deification!

Maybe this year during Durga Puja we can try to understand the situation of women in our societies and can reflect on what we need to do about our lives and the girls around us during this time of the year and figure out a way to make the world a safe and happy place for the humans with X-chromosome?

Note: If you suspect anyone close to you is a victim of domestic violence, please don't keep shut by thinking "it's her personal problem". A single act of approaching her might be the difference between life and death. If you are experiencing abuse (or have in the past) don't tell yourself that you have to live with it. An abuser is a criminal and nothing, I repeat, nothing can be of more importance to you than you own well being. Stand up for your own self. Stop this behavior once and for all.

Photo courtesy: My friend Ayan Goswami :)

My comfort foods from over the world

The season suddenly changed to dark gloomy and cloudy fall from a sunny and warm summer and I promptly caught a cold. As I recover from my sniffles, cough and sneezes I am craving for warm steamy foods. I don't want spicy stuff as I don't want the burning feeling in my mouth, but I do want some warm, buttery food... so here's my list of comfort foods from all over the world.

Home-made jacket potato 

1. Pish-pash - This is probably an Anglo-Indian food, the recipe if which I got from an old Bengali writer. It is basically chicken and rice all cooked together. You can make it spicy, but I didn't. I just boiled them together with onions and potatoes and added a bay leaf for flavor. I love boiled chicken, so this dish, though bland is my idea of a very good comfort food.

2. Jacket potato - Enid Blyton introduced me to "potatoes baked in their jackets" but I didn't have the right idea. On our London tour this summer I found out for myself why the kids in Magic Faraway Tree craved this food. All you need is a big potato and add any kind of stuffing to it. My favorite is the chicken stuffing one which I had for lunch sitting opposite to Sherlock Holmes' house on Baker Street. I had ones with watercress, prawns and cheese too and I read online you can also have a chicken and bacon stuffing. I am thinking of making this for dinner tonight. Boiled chicken and bacon together! That too on a warm steamy buttery baked potato! Can anything get better than this?

3. Seafood chowder (with bacon) and toasted garlic bread - That kind of garlic bread that has butter dripping from it almost. As I said earlier, everything tastes better with bacon, so does seafood chowder. A cup of it does good to a tired and cold soul, a bowl of it, if you are that hungry... a true favorite of the Pacific North West and Arnab's most favorite soup of all time.

4. Tom-yum-gung - This one is a spicy and sour soup. The best one I had was a home made one by my
friend from Thailand. I never tasted any better at restaurants. The one with chicken (tom-yum-gai) is good, but the shrimp one is just heavenly! Lemon grass is added along with red chili paste I guess with blends to give this unique flavor. A great experience I'd say...

5. Last but not the least "sedhho bhaat" - This is the comfort food close to home! Boiled egg, potato and a bunch of other vegetables like cauliflower, pumpkin, okra, whatever you want to put in there, maybe some boiled lentils too, all mixed with steaming rice with a dollop of butter, or better yet ghee. Just the aroma will make you feel happy even before you eat the first mouthful. For people who would want it to be a little more spicy can have a few green chilies with it, or a spoonful of pickle. That is plain delicious...yum yum yum!

The red one is tom yum

Fido Fest

Ruff ruff...bark bark...woof woof...dogs dogs and dogs and more dogs all over U. Village in Seattle where we went for a fundraiser walk organized by Seattle Humane Society this morning. I have never seen so many dogs at one place ever in my life. Ranging from huge ones like Alaskan Malamutes, Newfoundlands and various mix and match of Huskies, German Shepherds to tiny ones like Chihuahua and Pomeranian the place was just filled with doggie laughter and fun! I loved it and so did Bebe. She sniffed and greeted them, charged at a few, barked and scolded some more...but she never got scared, even when she was with dogs three times her size!

What a great effort by volunteers and so many animal lovers to bring a little love and comfort to thousands of homeless animals who are not as fortunate as our adopted babies. Little tiny kittens who scavenge through trash just to keep there little bodies and souls together can be picked up, properly treated and given a chance to get adopted. There is where these funds come to help. Many homeless pups and kitties are sick and badly need medical help, they find them at the shelter. Some are surrendered by families who can no longer care for these animals. Like our own little May, who so badly needed a family to call her own, like Bebe who was scared of humans and was shaking out of fear in her little cooped up kennel, they all get love and care...

Looking at Bebe now who would ever believe that she was scared? Now she stands upright on her little legs brimming with confidence. Ears perked up, with a big doggie grin she pulls on her harness and leaps over the green grass. May calmly curls up on my lap as she knows that to be a safe place... Mota is always the prince. He knows humans are there to cuddle him and be grateful to hear him purr (but that was also possible because he was born at a shelter and they took care of him, his brother and their mom for the entire time before they got adopted.) 

As I love my babies it felt really good to walk together with them to create a world where they will feel loved and safe.. :)

Picture courtesy: Volunteers of the Seattle Humane Society.

Rainbow Bridge

In loving memory of Zakir Hussain and Hariprasad....

It is sad that I had so very limited knowledge about animals and limited resources that I really couldn't help you much. You needed a lot more things which I had no clue to at that time. I hope you will understand. Maybe you are the reason why I feel that I should do "something" for homeless animals, because in doing so I can reach out to you. That is why Humane Society's or ASPCA's campaigns mean so much to me, that's why I decided to bring Bebe home...

A stray dog is a dog too!

In a country where people are still "afraid" of normal cats and dogs for no reason whatsoever, where people think all stray dogs are rabied and compassion hardly gets a chance, the only way to overcome this situation is by spaying/neutering stray dogs. This is such a simple thing but I don't know why it is so difficult to implement. If just one generation of dogs get fixed, we would have the entire situation under control in a totally humane way. People also need to not be afraid of animals. Unless this fear goes away, help would never come.

Also, animals are not "status symbols".

We need to understand that and stop "buying" animals. Animals are not commodities to be bought, they need to be adopted. They are living souls. These are the people who abandon and brutally treat these animals. I won't call them "pets", as pets are always loved and cared for. I don't know what these people think these animals to be. Well, in a society where even humans are treated brutally and domestic violence is a common affair, what else can you expect?

Zakir Hussain and Hariprasad's souls are living through Bebe and through the shelter dogs whose lives I have indirectly helped make better, their souls will feel happy every time Bebe feels good to be around me. I wish I could just bring them over here now and they could get the best food, vets and care as possible. The only thing I know is they are safe and happy at the Rainbow Bridge and are playing, rolling on the green meadow where it is warm and sunny all year long and the angels are looking after them... I know I will see them again and we will cross the Rainbow Bridge together...

Street pup

Courtsey: Dogs photos are taken by my friend Ayan Goswami in Calcutta, India.

Must read: The Rainbow Bridge - http://rainbowsbridge.com/poem.htm

Looks that I love

Ok, this is going to be a girly article. It is about looks that I love in various occasions and different places.

1. The not-so-formal look

Even though I wear destroyed denim shorts and flip flops to work, I don't really think that to be very nice looking. I wear it because it is extremely comfortable and it suits my personality and nobody at work cares about clothes! But for work in general, the business casual look is very pretty. You don't have to wear crisp stiff suits and you can still be in a dark blue denim. For regular wear, white shirt with denim and a bright scarf or bright shoes look great. My general idea with colors is the same, keep the background neutral, or sublime and put pops of color in front or in small quantities. I use the same idea while decorating rooms. Anyway, yes, for regular wear, if you keep the larger articles in a cool or subtle shade, you can surely paint your nails with neon colors. For people who love watches, a big bright colorful watch can do wonders to your overall look. So can a big tote bag.

I don't like combining two (or worse still, more) patterns. Nor do I personally like pants in bright colors. I have seen yellow, pink and orange pants, but I'd rather wear white pants and balance that with a bright summery top. Jewelry look good on most women. As long as that piece of jewelry don't overtake the entire look, wear what you are comfortable with. For petites, choose very tiny pieces and preferably not dangling ear-rings.

At work, it's better not to paint nails in neon colors though. Nicely buffed nails or a french manicure looks professional and neat. Same about hairstyles, a classic bob or neatly tied pony-tail looks nice. Bangs covering half the eyes or frizzy curls are neither good to look not comfortable.

Note: Please keep in mind your own figure while choosing pants. Boot cuts would make short people look stubby and tiny. For curvy frames, leggings or ultra skinnies are a complete no-no. If in doubt, reach out for the classic straight legged trousers. (I wear them as I find skinnies to be EXTREMELY uncomfortable and boot cuts make me look, well... tiny.)

2. Absolute casual wear (clothes in which you run errands or walk the dog)

Denim and t-shirt....with a nice flip flop or flat... who says you don't need to look good when you are at Costco? Nice bright colored shorts or skirts are good casual clothing as well. You can use them as lounge wear and also can roam around the neighborhood park. They are cool in summer too. If you wear fancy sunglasses and a big brimmed hat, then you can wear these to the beach as well. In fall, big boots look very nice with shorts and jackets. Another thing I like is pairing lacy white skirts with blue jeans jackets and boots. Dresses worn with denim jackets are cool too!

3. Evening wear

I am not a big fan of evening gowns and stiletto shoes. Firstly, I don't go to parties as such, and secondly this just doesn't suit me. Finally, I'm sure I'll trip and sprain my ankle if I wear stilettos. I like wearing dresses and color-block ones are my personal favorite. They may look simple, but I don't mind. As I have skinny arms, I prefer to wear a shrug or a cardigan over the dresses. If I wear Indian clothes as evening wear, I would definitely reach for a saree. The best thing about a saree is that you can wear it in any style you want. The same piece of cloth can be worn traditionally or in a very stylish way perfect for parties if you pair it with suitable accessories, hairstyle and makeup. I like light sarees, especially silk ones. Heavy ones don't look nice on me and some are too heavy for my own weight too. During my wedding I had to wear a couple of heavy ones, but that's ok for one evening, not for regular wear. I always love to wear jewelry with sarees but sometimes I intentionally don't wear a necklace. It keeps the look light and also displays the border of the saree in a better way.

Note: Even though sarees complement all kinds of figures, we can still choose specific ones  depending on our own frames. Petite people should not wear heavy all over embroidered ones, neither should they wear sarees with wide borders. Tall women always have more options. Skinny girls should also stay away from clingy materials like Georgette or chiffon. Chubby girls look good in these fabrics, skinny ones look better in crisp cottony sarees.  

Make-up

As I have a very sensitive skin prone to acne (all the time) I prefer to have very little makeup. In most cases all I put on my face are moisturizer and face powder and a little lip-balm. When I do get dressed, I still prefer a natural look. No smoky eyes or dark red lips for me. Actually I look very strange if I wear lipstick. So I only put on lip gloss with a faint tint. For lipstick I have a close to nude shade which is the only one I'd wear. A little black eye liner would be enough too, I don't much care for eye shadows.

The final look

This is the traditional wear that every Bengali girl loves and every Bengali girl looks best in. That is the white saree with a red border. As many many many married women said (in Bengali novels) the only thing they care for is the vermillion (sindur) on their foreheads, the red-white (coral and conch shell) and iron bangles and this kind of a saree. I think that is my most favorite look... even in the twenty-first century!

Contact Lens

I never liked contact lenses. I wore them for a few years at a stretch from 1996 and then had them on and off for a while, but I just went on hating them. Why? Huff... I wore rigid gas permeable lenses which are as uncomfortable as it can get. Also, with my astigmatism, I could never really get them to fit properly. The doctor didn't mention anything clearly, my parents thought I was being mischievous or lazy when I hated to wear them, relatives tried to convince me to wear them without knowing what's really going on. They said all good things about contact lenses, yes I understand that, but did they have high astigmatism like me? I guess not! Whatever, then my lenses dried up and I threw them away.

The only time I did miss them was when I dressed up. Heavy glasses (especially the ones I had in my early-mid teens) looked horrible when I wore nice dresses and jewelry. As we grew up, many of my friends wore lenses, soft lenses to be very precise, but I couldn't wear them because they didn't (and still don't) have the astigmatism correction I need.

When I went for an eye checkup before my wedding and asked the doctor to suggest something about lenses that I can wear on my wedding (I couldn't bear the idea of wearing my glasses while dressed up as a bride) the doctor recommended wearing soft lenses with as mush astigmatism correction as possible and just forget about precise clear vision. "You are not going to take a three hour long written test", Arnab chimed in, "as long as you can recognize people, you should be good." Well, ok.. sounded good to me. The doctor gave me a bunch of free contact lenses and I packed them all to take to Calcutta with me. Then later they all dried up and I threw them away!

A couple years back I went to another doctor. He is by far the SMARTEST doctor ever. He also gave me soft lenses with as much astigmatism correction as Acuvue allows. I would have been ok with that, but then he asked, "what about watching movies? Or driving home from somewhere you want to go without your glasses?" I was like, "huh! I missed those test cases!" As I was not much bothered about my looks, he suggested - wear just your contacts when you want to dress up, but have glasses that would only correct the remaining astigmatism. That way you can see ok at most times and when you need accurate vision wear the light weight glasses with your lenses! Such a simple solution! I wonder why this didn't cross the other doctors' heads!

Now I want to see which frame I can choose for a sun-glass!

So, that's what I have been following so far. I wore my contact lenses to the sea side last weekend and for the first time could wear my sunglasses and could actually SEE the sea and the waves coming when I went to bathe in the sea....not a bad thing, huh?