Change is a
strange thing in human life. We theoretically know that it is inevitable, we
remember Darwin’s quotation, but we still try our hardest to resist it. The
general tendency among people is to continue walking on the tried and tested
path.
Changes in Nature
You won’t
find anything stagnant in Nature. In Nature nobody tries to resist change. A
butterfly doesn’t hang on to its cocoon after the due time. Flowers fall off, glaciers
melt, rivers change courses and new islands emerge. The Earth itself is
subjected to huge plate tectonic movements. Then why can’t we do the same?
Why do we resist change?
Harvard
Business Review tells us that some of the reasons people resist change are -
1.
Excess
uncertainty – you are probably unhappy in your current job, but you don’t try
to look for another position. Because “known devil is better than unknown angel”.
Some people continue to stay in stale marriages for the same reason.
2.
Concerns
about competence – you are good at your job, but in order to grow you need to
learn some new skills. You are scared about your competence on the new skills,
so you do not learn those and continue to maintain the status quo.
3.
More work –
you want a healthier body, but you are scared of the extra work you have to put
in at the gym.
4.
Ripple
effects – you need a better house, but that may be farther away from the city.
So you need to take the bus, which means you will have to get up earlier. Why
bother? Let’s just continue to stay where you are now.
What happens when there is no change?
George
Bernard Shaw once said, “When people shake their heads because we are
living in a restless age, ask them how they would like to live in a stationary
one, and do without change”. I’m
sure we won’t like it. The planet Mars
once used to have an atmosphere, which could have enabled it to have liquid
water and sustain life. But, it lacked plate tectonic movements. Being stagnant,
Mars lost its atmosphere and became a dry barren land. On the other hand, Earth
with its dynamic forces of fire, water, wind and ice has been able to sustain
majestic life forms. We dread earthquakes and tsunamis, but that is the proof
that the Earth is alive.
A society
needs to change as well. People accepting the status quo would lead to a dead
society. Religions need to evolve too. That is why we have social and religious
reformers all over the world. They are the ones who showed us how to bring
about changes. It took a Renaissance to bring us out of the dark ages, and it
will take recurring Renaissances everyday in our own lives to make us better.
You are not
the person you were ten years back, then would your relationships be the same
too? Relationships with one’s spouse or parents definitely change. Even one’s
own ways of thinking evolve over time. With one experience after another, life reshapes
us. How would that happen without change?
Learning to accept change
“The first step
toward change is awareness. The second is acceptance.”
1. Change is
the only constant – We need to really understand this. That would enable us to
enjoy the life now but not keep hanging on to it when it changes. It is ok to
miss the earlier times, but there is no reason to bottle it up and not let go.
When I visited home back in India. I saw the familiar cityscape changing and
houses that I could see earlier from my terrace were hidden behind ugly
skyscrapers. I felt like a part of my childhood was taken away but, as I do not
have any control over my neighbors’ houses I had to let that go.
2. Learn to
be uncomfortable - We also need to tell ourselves that any kind of change will
make us uncomfortable for a time being. A new school, a new job, moving to a
new country, getting married, even getting a new pet are big enough changes in
the human life. Did those make me uncomfortable? Yes they did. At my university
I led an extremely carefree life hanging around with a big group of friends.
When I moved here to Seattle, for the first couple of months I felt quite
lonely and thought my independence was crushed. I thought I would never have my
own group of friends again. I am happy to tell you that did not happen. If you
have a jetlag, would you be scared and upset that you would never be able to
sleep at the right time ever again in your life? No! You will accept the
temporary discomfort but will know that if you try your best to adjust to the
new time zone, this weird feeling will pass. And one jet lag will never stop
you from flying again, right?
3. Accept
the truth – We have no control over anyone or anything in the whole Universe
other than our own thoughts, words and actions. When something bad happens, the
best way to get over it is to accept and move on. It is ok to feel sad or be
disappointed, but acceptance quickly makes you aware of the next step. Where
you will adapt yourself to that change.
If you put
our worries and anxieties in perspective of the Universe and realize that we
are tinier than a mere speck, the things that have been bothering you will
shrink in great proportions. It is overwhelming, but also very empowering to
believe that we, an insignificant creature in the Universe have such a great
control over ourselves. We have nothing to fear.
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