Roots to grow and wings to fly

People have told me that bringing up children is the toughest job in the world. "They don't come with manuals" - a mom of three grown-up kids told me once, "nor can you take out their batteries" when a toddler seems to have drunk out of the fountain of perpetual motion. For immigrant parents, I think this task becomes double difficult.

First of all, they themselves were raised in totally different surroundings without knowing many things of the society they are now living. A cousin of mine told me that when she was young, Tooth Fairy was giving money in exchange of the fallen teeth to all her friends but not to her. How sad is that? So those parents don't even see the reason for a lot many things which their children think as totally necessary.

Then there is a clash of values and the ever happening issue of trying to immerse these kids in the Indian "culture". Most of the time, that culture is Bollywood songs and dance and those, along with a lot many weird things are absolute impositions on these young minds. We had a slang for these kids, we called them "confused". But later on I realized it's not them but the parents who are confused. They don't know what exactly to teach them, where to be strict and where to let go.

Here's a link shared *proudly* by one such immigrant parent. Take a look for yourself http://www.buzzfeed.com/kash520/20-signs-you-were-raised-in-a-desiindianhindu-ho-9g2l?s=mobile and tell me if you see there's anything to be proud of in any of the twenty points. I practically don't see why you'd dress your little girl as an Indian princess EVERY YEAR! Once or twice, with a gap of few years should be good, but every time? Give me a break! Same about visiting India for EVERY vacation. We don't even do that now, I can imagine the plight of the kids when their peers talk about adventurous vacations they have nothing to say other than they visited a bunch of older relatives in a far off country. Same about keeping pets. I have seen most Indian families are either scared of animals or hate the thought of cleaning up after them, especially when they have little kids. There was an Indian kid visiting us who wanted to play with Mota but his parents kept warning him "No, don't touch the cat, he will bite you!" How on earth would this kid ever learn how to behave with animals? On the other hand, I know of another Indian girl, brought up in a totally different way, who takes her little toddler to play with the shelter animals who come for adoptions at pet stores.

It's all about how you raise your kids. If you really, truly love your culture and have a deep understanding of what it exactly is, you wouldn't worry if your kids are becoming "Americanized" (or "wherever-you-live"-anized) when they want to do things that their friends do. Expose your own self to different things, judge the good and the bad of every society and culture and then give your kids the best. If you don't urge them to go to "Bengali school" but teach them their own culture by being a role model yourself, I have no doubt you can raise a good citizen. It's not what language they speak that make them a true human, it's the actions that do.

For me, Rabindranath, Vidyasagar, Vivekananda, Netaji, Sarat Chandra, Ashapurna Devi, Bibhutibhushan Bandhpadhyay  and the rest have instilled so much good stuff in me that I have no fears of losing this. Make the roots strong but give the kids wings to fly...

PS: The list of twenty blah blah blah taught me one thing, that's exactly what I would NEVER do if/when I have kids.

Updates: I was reading some posts by Indian moms trying to raise their kids in the US, facing the dilemma of whether to continue living here or going back to India, some of their concerns have been replied to by Indian-american moms or some young adults born and brought up here. I am very glad to see many of them thinking with a clear mind and almost resonating my thoughts that I wrote here.