Yay for extroverts

I came across a test to find out if a person is extrovert or introvert. I didn't take the test for that reason, I took to see how much extrovert I was. As expected, it said I am 89% extrovert. I don't think anyone should be surprised.

This world favors introverts. Just look up on Google and you'll see tons of articles favoring introverts. They talk about how introverts can be good leaders, how introvert bosses are better, how an introvert can learn to cope with an extrovert partner, how to fairly treat shy kids. A blogger mentioned, introverts are treated like "glass babies" but there's no mention of help for extroverts. We are the loud ones, the bullies, the dominating people, the ones who would try to lead at all times so why care to write about us?

It's wrong.

Extroverts, especially when they are kids and don't know the reason of their actions, can also be mistreated and made to feel bad. A kid doesn't know that it is the extroversion that is making him talk too much or try to jump up and greet a shy friend. So scolding him wouldn't really make anything better, on the contrary it makes the kid lose his normal happy self. As an over enthusiast person, I know this very well. In school, decades back, I was continuously told to stop talking. It was distracting to the other students. Really? I don't think so. I think they were bored too, but they lacked the mindset to do something. So they just sat there without doing anything, whereas the extroverts got ready to amuse themselves. I generally get excited too much and too often, but I was told to "calm down" millions of times by millions of people. Why? I don't know. I was told about various classmates and asked, why I could not be as serious as them. And of course, the famous faux pas of extroverts is something I followed almost my entire life. Blurting out something and then realizing that it was wrong. A girl who talks too much and is too loud, who is very opinionated and speaks up is still not considered to be good. 

Can you imagine a world without extroverts? That would be a bunch of people living in their own bubbles, hardly ever speaking to one another. There would be no supply of enthusiasm, of happy cheer, of going out of your own comfort zone and making new friends... I would so not want to live there. There would be no leaders and mind it, trying to dominate is not always a bad thing. If you are right and you need to mold many people to follow you, you must be able to override them. You must have people following you. Look at the famous extroverts in the world - Abraham Lincoln, Nelson Mandela, MLK Jr., Margaret Thatcher, Steve Jobs. I am not saying there aren't famous introverts. One of my very favorite people in the current world, Bill Gates is an introvert. But what I am trying to say is the qualities in extroverts which are looked down upon as dominating, bullying, too loud, etc are not necessarily that bad. Those are needed too.

If I was given an option, I would still want to choose to be an extrovert. Why do I love being an extrovert?

1. You think about something/someone, you say that aloud and be done with it. Others would also know what exactly you mean.

2. Speak up and solve problems. Kind of related to the previous one. We ask questions, reach out to people and in turn get ourselves out of the sticky situations.

3. Meet and greet. I love to meet new people and know them. And is there any way to know about people without talking to them?

4. We are the BOLD ones! And I love being bold.

5. I'm biased towards bright chirpy kids. The ones that raise their hands to answer questions in class are most likely to volunteer for different things in their later lives. 

6. Like I said, I am a little over enthusiastic about stuff but that gives me an option to try out new things for myself. Sometimes that helps others too.

That said, let's end this with a funny thing.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/jessicamisener/frustrating-things-about-being-an-extrovert

On being healthy

There was a time when I used to be chubby, but from when I can remember I am skinny and petite. Once I gained some weight after eating junk food and couldn't fit into my jeans. The very fact that I could have gained weight never occurred to me and I was wondering why I am feeling so uncomfortable today! Later I found out what the cause is...anyway, the thing I am trying to say is I had never been anywhere near fat in my entire life.

I see being overweight is a serious problem nowadays. People from around the world may not be obese as people from here, but there are still many unhealthy overweight people all over and many of them are quite young. What I can't understand is people don't gain 50 lbs overnight, then why don't they stop themselves or check their lifestyle when they start to see the scale tipping over 5 or 10 lbs? I read in magazines and of course all over the Internet "tricks" to lose weight. I wonder if you can really find a "trick" when what you need is discipline and sheer hard work! 

There is another side of it too. I saw a meme on Facebook where it shows a cute little girl eating ice cream and it says - "Eat whatever you want and if someone tries to lecture you about your weight, eat them too!" I don't really find it funny. I had another discussion with a friend who posted an article on "fat girls" which was trying to say - "if you are fat, don't worry about your looks. It's fine to stay fat." Seriously? Well, I am not saying if you are overweight or underweight you should feel bad or have a negative body image which ruins your self confidence. No, but you still need to be aware of what's wrong. And the first thing is how you look. We have to admit it. If you are excessively over or under weight, you can't look good. Instead of feeling negative, that should be taken as a cue to fix the problem. Another thing is, if you don't neglect the fact that your pants are getting tighter, you might be able to restrict your weight gain which in the long run might save you from heart disease. I mean we all know how serious obesity can be. Instead of thinking happiness is more important than being fit and gorging on junk food, people should remember that when the diseases set in, you won't stay much happy. 

On the other hand, if you are healthy but just a little chubby, there is NO reason to fast yourself to death. All those anorexic models don't look good at all. Those rickety models walking on the ramp look sickly. A healthy body will automatically have a glowing skin and silky hair. Our skins and hair don't dwell OUTSIDE our bodies. People genetically have a structure that can't really be altered. Like for me, however much I eat, I won't ever get fat. I'll gain a few pounds, but very slowly. So there is no reason why anyone would want to reverse the natural tendency. 

I did think that sleeping for 10 more minutes was more important than having breakfast. Yes, I did, for a while. But now I know it is not. I am not sleeping less, I am just going to bed a little early and then waking up at a time when I can still have a normal breakfast. I am not saying that I am the model of good exercising habits, I still find it hard to go to the gym after a full day of work (especially when it gets dark early in fall-winter), I plan to go to yoga class but haven't finally made it yet. There are many more things that I need to do, but that doesn't mean I will close my eyes at the problems and keep on living an unhealthy life just because it gives me a short term comfort.

Fragile little princesses

There is an article making its rounds all over the Internet. I don't know who wrote it first as I don't see any names, but it is supposed to be highly emotional and it is being commented like that too. Here is the text of the article -

"I thought I would start my speech by addressing you as the “new” family of my daughter. But I think it would be inappropriate because now that she is married, you are “the family” for her. Believe me; I don’t have a problem with that. I, in fact, want my daughter to have “you” as her priority now. Its time for us to take a backseat in her life. We would happily accept it but would surely request one thing- please keep her happy!

I am more than sure that you will keep her very happy. She will perhaps be happier than what she used to be here. But like all fathers, I obsess over my daughter’s happiness which is making me say this over and over again- please keep her happy!

She never was and will never be a burden for me. She is in fact the reason why I breathe and smile. I am getting her married because this is what the law of nature demands. I am helpless in the face of our culture and therefore sending her to your home. She was the happiness of my home and will now light up your home. I am giving my world to you. Please make sure it remains beautiful. I am giving away my princess to you. Please make sure she stays as a queen. I have raised her with my sweat and blood and now she is wonderfully perfect. For all the care, love, beauty and warmth my daughter will bring into your lives, I just want her happiness in return—please keep her happy!

If at times you think that my daughter has said or done something wrong, feel free to scold her. But handle her with love. She is very fragile. If at times she feels low, be with her. She just needs a little bit of your attention. If at times she feels sick, show her some care. It’s the medicine that works best for her. If at times she fails to fulfill a responsibility, feel free to chastise her. But empathize with her. She is still learning. Do understand her—please keep her happy!

I don’t mind if I don’t get to see her for months. I don’t mind if I am not able to talk to her on a daily basis. I would be more than happy if she doesn’t remember me much. But, my only motive in life has been my daughter’s happiness which is now in your hands. I beg you, please keep her happy."

This article doesn't make me emotional, it just drives me mad. Is *this* what a father has to say at his daughter's wedding? To plead his son-in-law, to beg this guy to keep his daughter happy? That means his daughter's happiness only thrives on how she will be treated by her husband and in-laws? How horrible! Also, look at the adjectives he uses for his daughter - fragile, princess, beautiful... never does he say anything about her being smart, confident or independent. It seems like he is "marrying off" the girl because that is what the society demands and there is no mention of the young couple's wishes. They are not getting married because they love each other and want to spend their lives together. They are getting married because that is the societal norm! Ridiculous! This father is giving his son-in-law full power to "chastise" the girl. My God! I don't want to get in to what chastise might mean. I hope it doesn't mean that he has permission to beat his wife too. It seems also fine to the father if his daughter whom he seemed to have brought up in a sheltered way doesn't remember him or visit him that often. Sad... that's what I can say... sad.

There are two things that are bothering me. Firstly, the father seems to be one who brought up his girl like a dependent being. He is never telling the couple to figure out among themselves how they should treat each other, he is specifically telling the son-in-law how he should treat the girl. It also looks like the father doesn't have much confidence in the girl's abilities. She is a fragile being, not much capable of doing stuff so she should be kept happy and sheltered. That's what transpires from this message. Is this the way fathers are bringing up their daughters even nowadays?

The second reason of me being bothered is the applause this article is fetching. Everyone seem to be getting reduced to tears. Really? That means this is what the population still wants to see its daughters as -  damsels in distress!

Looks like we still have a long way to wait for that day when parents will be proud of their daughters who can confidently hold their heads high and who will enter into marriage as equal partners and not dependent on the pity of her husband or in-laws.  

Before we start having emancipated women, we should have emancipated parents. If a girl is brought up with a mentality of serving her in-laws to be happy while sacrificing her entire being, how can we expect her to stand up for herself? And what would she teach her kids later in life?

The Night Sky

I am not a humble person. I know what I am - my merits and my drawbacks - and I don't consider humility to be a virtue. It is as bad to put oneself in an inferior position relative to others as it is to feel superior. But there is one thing that fills me with awe and instills in me humbleness, that is the night sky.

I don't know if there is anything more fascinating than the night sky. Possibly because it is "out of the Earth" that is why it fills us with wonder. From time immemorial, the stars and the moon have been there as a companion to humankind. The cave dwellers would sit outside at night and look up to the skies. They'd imagine patterns in the stars and think they can see animals - lion, dogs, bears. "The legends of Greece and Rome" was one of my favorite books as a kid and I read stories about a mama bear and her cub who are Ursa Major and Ursa Minor, about the heroes Hercules and Perseus, stories of Andromeda, her parents the queen Cassiopeia and king Cepheus....they are all in the sky and there are the stories that say why they are there. Our own Indian mythology also has the exact same constellations, but of course with different names. It must be that there was a central hub where the stories got told first and then they branched with the nomadic tribes, one who crossed the Himalayas and came to India and the other going towards Europe.

On one hand the stars fire up our imagination and on the other it challenges us to the problems of physics. All the ancient scientists and mathematicians had found the night sky to be a wealth of knowledge. Why do some "stars" wander while others stay still? Why are some constellations visible all throughout the year while some others rise and set? Why do the Sun and the Moon rise and set at different times? These questions have been intriguing and the answers to them can be found in astronomy.

My journey in astronomy started very early, when I was six. I think that was one thing I started liking quite naturally...without anyone telling me about it much. I read picture books, looked at pictures of the solar system and of the moon...I liked the planets but the stars were much more interesting. When I was around twelve, our daily newspaper started a column about astronomy every week. They would feature a star and write about its specialty. I started collecting those and pasting them to my scrapbook. Later I expanded those to not just include stars, but anything from the space. I covered the Leonid Meteor showers of 1998 in great details, actually writing an article for my scrapbook. Slowly friends and family got interested and they gave me interesting newspaper clippings to file too.

By the time I was in college, I knew a lot about the constellations that I could see from the smoggy skies of Calcutta, added to which was light pollution and high rise buildings. For the entire part of my life at home, I never for once had seen the North Star because our dear old neighborhood hospital hid it completely from my view. My mom tried to show me Orion's belt and the big dipper, but as I didn't wear glasses at that time, I couldn't see any of those stars. My mentor Devakalpa-da was practically my first teacher of astronomy. He showed me the constellations, explained what the pointer stars are and gave me a wealth of information about the stars, their names, the colors, if there are binary stars, what is the significance behind the summer and winter triangles...even now when I look up to the stars I remember those all. My uncle Kakabhai was another person with whom I'd stargaze. With my tiny binocular, we would go up to the terrace on summer evenings and try to find comets (I remember Hale-Bopp visible right beside the nursing home walls) and UFOs and figure out many mysteries of the outer space. I wonder at Kakabhai's patience at times. To hear me talk at length can really be an ordeal at times, but he never complained and actually listened to my crazy stories (I remember making up a story at run time while building a sand castle and telling him that while he was gardening and he was truly following the story, asking questions and all) and later my science lectures with the same interest. Probably it is my most favorite subject but I never had any chance to have a formal lesson. So is the structure of our coursework! Without the formal lessons I had no idea about the differences between right ascension and declination and didn't know why a synodial day differs from a sidereal day!

Thanks to free knowledge, I did enroll in a college level introductory astronomy course last year. When full fledged mathematics gets in stargazing, the subject becomes super difficult but most fascinating. I have never much seen more difficult mathematical problems, but I have never seen anything that makes more sense either. Once you blend the authenticity of mathematics with the heavenly bodies, you'll see how simple it becomes to explain the Sun's behavior, rising and setting of stars and even behavior of comets. After all it's always been humans who deduced everything!

I have again started to brush up on my astronomy skills. I borrowed a book from our local library and have been calculating the Sun's motion yesterday. My new astronomy buddy is Arnab and armed with a stargazing app on his phone, I am still continuing my after dinner night sky watch. 

The Indian subcontinent

Guarded by The Himalayas from the West, North and East and by the three seas bordering the peninsula, the Indian subcontinent is a unique place on Earth. Rakesh Sharma once mentioned that when he was out in space, the way the Earth rotated, they would always see India from the South up, and it seemed that the landmass came out from the blue seas. The golden Thar desert, lush green Ganga-Yamuna-Indus-Branhmaputra plains, purple mountain ranges... that is home. Yes it is, but the problem is we have put pencil marks on the map and have partitioned this landmass into multiple countries and those too, fighting neighbors.

Recently I was reading Aravinda de Silva's autobiography. Other than the information about cricket, I also got to know about the culture of Sri Lanka when he was growing up, back in the 70s and 80s. Even though that was a decade or two before my time, I could very well relate to that life where academics is of supreme importance and in the middle class family where the father is a salaried professional, your main focus in life is to get good grades in school and get a decent job.

A couple of days back, I watched the Pakistani drama called Dhoop Kinare once again after 1996. It is one of the best things I have ever watched on TV. I faintly remembered the story line after all these years, but now of course I understood the whole thing much more than in '96. Also, thanks to Bollywood movies, my Hindi skills have improved so understanding Urdu is not very difficult. The first thing that came to my mind while watching this serial was that - the people all look so normal! The way they talk, behave, think all seems to reflect the culture I was brought up in. Where fathers urge their children to take up science instead of fine arts, where a mother's unfulfilled dream is pushed on her daughter (it might not be right, but we know how it works), where junior doctors stand up when their supervisor enters the room and of course if they do something wrong they are scolded quite harshly by their superior as well.

All the countries in the sub continent have the exact same history, the same culture and the same taste. Is there a single person in South Asia who doesn't like cricket or Bollywood movies? Why do we forget all the things that unite us and only concentrate on the differences? Those differences are man made too. We act like zombies under our political leads and create fake images of the "enemy country" and then hate them. We never think that 65 years back we were just the same. A Bangladeshi friend of mine once asked a Malayli common friend that how come I and the Malayli guy belong to one nation when we have nothing in common whereas the Bangladeshi girl is a foreigner to me. When Navjyot Singh Sidhu and Inzamam-ul-Haque started quarreling in Punjabi, Tendulkar didn't understand a word! This is what it is like in the sub continent.

Outside our region, here in the US, anyone from South Asia reminds me of home. We go to buy Bangladeshi fish from a Pakistani store! In London, the way we were treated at a Bangladeshi restaurant made us feel like we have gone home. There have been many incidents where people from my neighboring countries have shown greater hospitality to me than my own fellow countrymen. It is so foolish of us to try dwell on the negatives and hatred instead of trying to live peacefully.

My mom says that when we have those peace missions, instead of sending ambassadors and political people, we should send normal middle class working families in exchange programs. They should go find out for themselves that nothing changes when you cross the border. Splitting up a nation doesn't do good to anyone. We lost so many lives, made millions of people leave their homes, made refugees out of well to do families and fought so many wars. All of us suffered and we are still suffering... we will continue to until we figure out that what we are fighting for is so trivial in the grand scheme of things.

PS: And it's not just South Asia. If you peep a little over the boundaries you'll see how similar the entire East is. Arnab has an old co-worker who signs his emails to Arnab as - "your friend from across the Himalayas." It is all in the mind. If you can open your mind and heart to strangers and accept them without any condition, not only will you enrich your own life, but you'll cast a positive influence all around.

Inspiration

Even for the most internally motivated person, there comes times when some amount of inspiration infused from the outer world seems to do good. It does for me... I take up many challenges, some are of that magnitude which requires me to come a lot out of my regular life (comfort zone) but it is in my nature and I like myself for that. However, commitments really start to fade the motivation out of you when you start facing the practicalities of life. That is the time when the added inspiration keeps you on track. I turn to songs, poetry and biographies for this and there are a few people whose lives and works never ever fail to accelerate me in my path. This article is going to be a thanksgiving to these people for helping me keep doing the things which at times sap my energy out.

Swamiji, Vidyasagar, Nazrul and Netaji. If these people cannot inspire someone then I have a big doubt who can...

Sometimes the inhibition to get up and do something comes from inside. That is when I can't find any energy and feel like a total slacker. Then I think about the work that is left to do and how little time the entire human lifespan is to finish those. Luckily, nowadays I am getting better at this and I don't really waste any time doing *nothing*. It is easier to control my own self than trying to control others. The next problem is worse. That is when I try to do something but other things come in the way, be it people with their negative mentalities, damp blankets who just can't be motivated to do something or worse still work cultures (read the lack of it) that always tend to procrastinate tasks.

I have seen that in small scale when whatever cause you ask people to come out and help with, they don't. You ask them to foster kittens, they say - I don't have space. You ask them to teach kids, they say - I don't have time or it won't work that way. Then you say, ok donate some money to help homeless animals, they say - I would have done if it was for homeless people.... or they finally give you a tiny amount saying "can't afford much, I recently did this this and this and I don't have much money to spend" and then you see them posting on Facebook the designer clothes they have bought. I have asked myself countless times - why am I spending my time and energy on these things? Honestly, it is very stressful. What would these actions bring me? The kittens I fostered never would thank me. The babies who receive my crocheted blankets would never know me. The wildlife I try to protect doesn't have any idea of my existence. Then why? That is when I think the people I mentioned above talk to me through their writings and biographies. Vidyasagar never fought for educating girls thinking about how or if we would ever thank him. My current life has been enriched by him, but that by no means did bring any good to him. Netaji didn't fight for his own freedom. He could have become an ICS and led a life of luxury. He fought for OUR freedom, for a country which has shamelessly forgotten him within six decades. 

I have recently taken up another endeavor of teaching English to some middle school kids in an orphanage in rural Bengal. I think this is a test of my patience. It is disappointing when you hear them saying - oh yes we will do it for sure - and then nothing is done! Then I think that just to get Skype up I am facing this, what hurdles did Netaji have to overcome when he motivated Indians to come join the Azad Hind Fauj! That is when Nazrul's lines like - 

কাণ্ডারী! তুমি ভুলিবে কি পথ? ত্যজিবে কি পথ মাঝ?

করে হানাহানি, তবু চল টানি, নিয়াছ যে মহা ভার.. suddenly start making more sense than they did in my school days.

It is not easy, definitely not. The more you think, the more problems you uncover. The more you will find out about deplorable inhuman conditions that people live in. It makes me feel terrible and on top of that since I can't really do anything magical to bring free education to everyone, send all kids to school or spay/neuter all stray animals, I really does bother me a lot. But I do need to keep my focus and keep on doing as much as I can... call it serving my fellowmen following what Christ told us to, sharing what I have (knowledge, wealth, positive thoughts) or Swamiji's Karmayoga, I don't care. What I care about is physically doing something myself that will bring about some positive changes. 

Holiday favorites

Right after Thanksgiving, I get into the holiday mood for Christmas. This year as Thanksgiving was at the tail end of November it was even more obvious and we set up our Christmas tree on the Saturday after Thanksgiving :) Here's a list of my random favorites like always but this one is going to be holiday themed...

1. Favorite tree for Christmas - Noble fir... (but Douglas fir smells the best)

2. Favorite tree topper - Star!!!

3. Favorite decoration style - Traditional with red, green and gold.

4. Favorite character from the nativity scene - angels.

5. Favorite carol - Hark, the Herald Angels sing! (Silent night is a close second).

6. Favorite cookie - plain old sugar cookies with colored sugar sprinkled over them.

7. Favorite cake - Plum cake (from Nahoum's of New Market in Calcutta - following our family tradition)

8. Favorite tree ornament - wooden cross with Mary and baby Jesus engraved on it.

9. Favorite decoration item - candles... I love candlelight!

10. Favorite Christmas story - A Christmas Carol.

The best thing about Christmas is the holiday spirit of giving and sharing your blessings with the less fortunate ones. Sometimes we tend to forget that especially in the huge glittery consumer's market, but we should try our best to remember what Jesus had actually preached and also remember "Christ" in Christmas.