There is an article making its rounds all over the Internet. I don't know who wrote it first as I don't see any names, but it is supposed to be highly emotional and it is being commented like that too. Here is the text of the article -
"I thought I would start my speech by addressing you as the “new” family of my daughter. But I think it would be inappropriate because now that she is married, you are “the family” for her. Believe me; I don’t have a problem with that. I, in fact, want my daughter to have “you” as her priority now. Its time for us to take a backseat in her life. We would happily accept it but would surely request one thing- please keep her happy!
I am more than sure that you will keep her very happy. She will perhaps be happier than what she used to be here. But like all fathers, I obsess over my daughter’s happiness which is making me say this over and over again- please keep her happy!
She never was and will never be a burden for me. She is in fact the reason why I breathe and smile. I am getting her married because this is what the law of nature demands. I am helpless in the face of our culture and therefore sending her to your home. She was the happiness of my home and will now light up your home. I am giving my world to you. Please make sure it remains beautiful. I am giving away my princess to you. Please make sure she stays as a queen. I have raised her with my sweat and blood and now she is wonderfully perfect. For all the care, love, beauty and warmth my daughter will bring into your lives, I just want her happiness in return—please keep her happy!
If at times you think that my daughter has said or done something wrong, feel free to scold her. But handle her with love. She is very fragile. If at times she feels low, be with her. She just needs a little bit of your attention. If at times she feels sick, show her some care. It’s the medicine that works best for her. If at times she fails to fulfill a responsibility, feel free to chastise her. But empathize with her. She is still learning. Do understand her—please keep her happy!
I don’t mind if I don’t get to see her for months. I don’t mind if I am not able to talk to her on a daily basis. I would be more than happy if she doesn’t remember me much. But, my only motive in life has been my daughter’s happiness which is now in your hands. I beg you, please keep her happy."
"I thought I would start my speech by addressing you as the “new” family of my daughter. But I think it would be inappropriate because now that she is married, you are “the family” for her. Believe me; I don’t have a problem with that. I, in fact, want my daughter to have “you” as her priority now. Its time for us to take a backseat in her life. We would happily accept it but would surely request one thing- please keep her happy!
I am more than sure that you will keep her very happy. She will perhaps be happier than what she used to be here. But like all fathers, I obsess over my daughter’s happiness which is making me say this over and over again- please keep her happy!
She never was and will never be a burden for me. She is in fact the reason why I breathe and smile. I am getting her married because this is what the law of nature demands. I am helpless in the face of our culture and therefore sending her to your home. She was the happiness of my home and will now light up your home. I am giving my world to you. Please make sure it remains beautiful. I am giving away my princess to you. Please make sure she stays as a queen. I have raised her with my sweat and blood and now she is wonderfully perfect. For all the care, love, beauty and warmth my daughter will bring into your lives, I just want her happiness in return—please keep her happy!
If at times you think that my daughter has said or done something wrong, feel free to scold her. But handle her with love. She is very fragile. If at times she feels low, be with her. She just needs a little bit of your attention. If at times she feels sick, show her some care. It’s the medicine that works best for her. If at times she fails to fulfill a responsibility, feel free to chastise her. But empathize with her. She is still learning. Do understand her—please keep her happy!
I don’t mind if I don’t get to see her for months. I don’t mind if I am not able to talk to her on a daily basis. I would be more than happy if she doesn’t remember me much. But, my only motive in life has been my daughter’s happiness which is now in your hands. I beg you, please keep her happy."
This article doesn't make me emotional, it just drives me mad. Is *this* what a father has to say at his daughter's wedding? To plead his son-in-law, to beg this guy to keep his daughter happy? That means his daughter's happiness only thrives on how she will be treated by her husband and in-laws? How horrible! Also, look at the adjectives he uses for his daughter - fragile, princess, beautiful... never does he say anything about her being smart, confident or independent. It seems like he is "marrying off" the girl because that is what the society demands and there is no mention of the young couple's wishes. They are not getting married because they love each other and want to spend their lives together. They are getting married because that is the societal norm! Ridiculous! This father is giving his son-in-law full power to "chastise" the girl. My God! I don't want to get in to what chastise might mean. I hope it doesn't mean that he has permission to beat his wife too. It seems also fine to the father if his daughter whom he seemed to have brought up in a sheltered way doesn't remember him or visit him that often. Sad... that's what I can say... sad.
There are two things that are bothering me. Firstly, the father seems to be one who brought up his girl like a dependent being. He is never telling the couple to figure out among themselves how they should treat each other, he is specifically telling the son-in-law how he should treat the girl. It also looks like the father doesn't have much confidence in the girl's abilities. She is a fragile being, not much capable of doing stuff so she should be kept happy and sheltered. That's what transpires from this message. Is this the way fathers are bringing up their daughters even nowadays?
The second reason of me being bothered is the applause this article is fetching. Everyone seem to be getting reduced to tears. Really? That means this is what the population still wants to see its daughters as - damsels in distress!
Looks like we still have a long way to wait for that day when parents will be proud of their daughters who can confidently hold their heads high and who will enter into marriage as equal partners and not dependent on the pity of her husband or in-laws.
Before we start having emancipated women, we should have emancipated parents. If a girl is brought up with a mentality of serving her in-laws to be happy while sacrificing her entire being, how can we expect her to stand up for herself? And what would she teach her kids later in life?
4 comments:
Although most of the parents (and girls too) think in this vein, the old ideas are changing. I saw at least 2/3 divorcees (both male and female) in each of the matrimonial columns in Bartaman (not Ananda Bazar or any other posh/ English daily) last Sunday. These are mostly from castes that are much below the Brahmin, Kayastha or Baidya. It may be a scenario from Bengal, but it can be hoped that the others will catch up too.
What else can be expected from a culture which glorifies movies like Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge and it's ideals without questioning :( ? I always found it very disturbing that it dealt with such a serious social issue (forced marriages) in such an irrational, regressive way, and that even otherwise independent, free thinking girls love it.
As for this article, I had first seen this in another blog post where it was similarly trashed by the author. Author was also horrified by its fan. It is so INSULTING to this girl and totally strips her of her identity as a human being in her own right.
On a lighter note, I should forward this to my father and pretend I want him to make a similar speech at my wedding and see his reaction :P. Right now, my parents' opinion of me is such that they are more likely to make a speech pleading with me to be kind to their son in law and chastise him only gently :
you know the MOST disturbing bit? The idea that his father thinks his daughter will visit/call him only at her inlaws convenience or with their permission.
You are right about the emancipated parents bit. Have thought along similar line myself, whenever I hear about a dowry problem/death/abuse of a wife, amongst reasonably well off educated people- that unless we also criminalise girls' parents for PAYING dowry and de-valuing their girls nothing will change
Yes...yes...very true!
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