Biryani

The last couple posts became a little serious, so I decided to lighten the mood (my mood, mainly) by writing about biryani. For those who don't know what this is, here is the Wikipedia link - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biryani

I am not going to tell you the history of this dish, neither am I going to write the recipe. Firstly, because this was my first attempt at cooking it and also because I can't write recipes (plus, this is not going to be a food blog). Here is an amazing step-by-step recipe that I followed - http://www.sharmisthadey.com/2014/10/kolkata-style-chicken-biryani/ If you follow the measurements and use the right spices, you would have a great pot of biryani too!

Dry roasted spices ready
for crushing

Basmati rice

Here's the story. I love to eat (though it doesn't show on me) and I figured out that if you know how to cook, it basically means you can eat whatever you want to, whenever you want! It is very empowering. I also don't understand why people think cooking is tough. It isn't. It is just like chemistry experiments. You add certain chemicals (spices) and they behave in certain expected ways to create an end result, which is (or should be) edible. That's all there is to it! I started treating recipes as instructions and followed them step-by-step, quite an easy task for my analytical brain, and figured out that cooking a new dish can boost one's self confidence a lot. Especially, if those are foods you have not eaten before, like French food for me. Even though I cook regularly and was getting more and more confident, I still had no idea how to cook biryani. But I love biryani. Then I searched, came across the above link and gave it a try yesterday. I realized certain things about biryani, and in the same way, about life.

Saffron strands in milk

Holy trinity - onion, garlic
(paste), ginger (paste)

People assume that biryani is a very rich dish, full of spices, ghee, and hard to digest combination of onion, garlic, and ginger. While it is true that all of those are indeed used, the end dish is way lighter than say, a spicy curry. Also, the flavor is more important than the taste. If the flavor doesn't seem (rather smell) right, you will lose your appetite. I kept on doing a smell check at regular intervals, and also after adding the spices, or after adding rose and keora water to make sure I am on the right track. Use of saffron is another vital thing. I have never seen saffron before, let alone use it. So when I put a few strands of saffron in warm milk yesterday and looked at the changing color of milk, I was amazed. I smelled and tasted that milk, oh, it was heavenly! It has become my most favorite spice now. Please don't use turmeric as a substitute of saffron ever, neither would it bring the delicate color, nor would the flavor be right. Also, turmeric will cover the flavor, or at least get in the way of the other spices.

The interesting part of the dish is about its subtlety. Like an aristocratic lady, who would never wear flashy or bright colored clothes, but would wear the choices diamonds, biryani doesn't have a color like curries, not does it have oil floating on top, chunks of onion, or worse still tomatoes sitting in a gravy. It has just the color imparted by saffron and a little bit by fried onions. The rice grains are all separate, you can pick them up individually if you want. It is a delicate dish made with the choicest spices and I was very happy with the end product.

PS: This was a dish cooked with ingredients from the world over. Basmati rice from India (or Pakistan), chicken and eggs from local Washington farms, Yukon gold potatoes from Canada, saffron from Spain, keora water from Arnab's local grocer at Calcutta, rose water from Morocco, and spices from all over South Asia!

Gender

This is the time of the Women's March in many cities within and outside the USA which is trying to bring women's issues in the forefront (sadly, though many women are ignorant about it and/or choosing to not support other women) and this is also when I was reading National Geographic's January issue, a special coverage on gender. There is one thing I learned, and that has opened the door to much more linked thinking, that is "gender is a spectrum". From time immemorial, we have known that gender is binary. Little kids know too that girls are supposed to play with dolls and boys with trucks and guns. Growing up, I did not have guns to play with. When I was eight, and my cousins little older, I remember our uncle giving us toys where my boy-cousin was given an electric circuit board with batteries and wires and my girl-cousin was given a mini-piano. It was normal thinking that a boy would love making those electric circuits, but ironically it has been the two girls in our family who became engineers and the one who got the electric circuit board didn't like anything technological, so that game was left at the back of his cupboard for years, only to be donated by his mom later.

Why do I like the idea that gender is a spectrum?
Because it has answered many questions I had about myself and many people around me.
If gender was binary, where would tomboys fit? What about those men who have a natural inclination towards make-up or dress designing? Our problem is that we have created boxes and we try to push and shove everyone in those boxes whether they fit in, or not. And, we try to make everyone's lives our business. We have decided that if you are a girl, you need to do certain things, like - be caring, gentle, pretty, not-so-smart (at least not smarter than your future husband), maternal (don't want kids? What kind of a woman are you?). Similarly, for boys, they - have to be strong (boys don't cry, right?), can be all rough and tumble, have to be the future breadwinner (stay at home dads are insulted, but stay at home moms are glorified). In the eastern context, there are more double standards. A girl has to be subservient and promptly make her in-laws place her home, but a boy would not go to his in-laws unless he is formally invited.

Let's try to make the world a better place for all.

These things are baseless. Let's get out of these stereotypes, and stop containing people in buckets. A person is first a human being and then anything else. Look at a kid as a unique person with his or her individual likes and dislikes. Figure out what he or she likes. Don't mould her choices based on your ideas, or worse still, society's expectations. There is a friend of mine who (and his wife) wanted to stop their daughter from getting in the pink madness. They intentionally chose a theme of blue and yellow for her birthday, but most of the guests brought pink colored gifts and some even wore pink clothes. Introduce them to all kids of toys. There is another person I know of who insisted that his daughter not change tires, because "some tasks are good to be left for men to do". My niece told me last year that she doesn't play cricket because at school the other kids said it is a boys' game. Her dad explained to her briefly, as much as possible to a five-year-old, that everyone can play cricket and there is nothing called a boys' game. Then this year we played cricket with her at home. She enjoyed it immensely! Take the moments when you can help bring some change, and do something. Even if it is a tiny thing at that time, it may have a big impact later.

Pic courtesy - Yana Das (From Womens' March in SF)

U. Ray and Sons

There are people who impact you quite directly with their ideas and teachings. In most cases they are our parents, close relatives, some teachers. It can also be friends, or older siblings/cousins. There are also a kind of people who impact us indirectly. The good thing about them is that, you don't have to share spacetime with them. For me, there have been innumerable people who have shaped my thoughts and plans, dreams and speech, but I have never met them. Like, Rabindranath, through his songs and poems have touched the hearts and minds of every person who loves Bengali. Swami Vivekananda has never ceased to believe in our strength even at times when we doubt ourselves. Netaji has shown how one man can build an army, Nazrul has imbibed in us the will to stand up even when we can't. Saratchandra, Saradindu, Narayan Ganguly, Syed Mujtaba Ali have enriched our lives with stories. Ashapurna has shown us our roots, which for one thing has helped me be even more grateful to Vidyasagar and Rammohan Roy. They have all done their parts, and they have all succeeded in bringing up a generation that put most emphasis on education and chose "plain living and high thinking". Now that generation is no more, the mall going, partying kind of people definitely have forgotten everything they could have been immensely proud of. But I am not writing about them, I am writing about me.

100 Garpar Road

Not a single day goes by where I have not read or thought or talked about these people I just mentioned. They are part of my life, they are part of my thoughts. However, even out of them, there is one family which has helped shape me holistically. That is the family of Upendra Kishore Ray Chaudhuri. Apart from the Tagores, I don't know of any other family where everyone was so talented. By everyone, I really do mean every single person. They could write, sing, paint, excelled in sports and studies, were pioneers in multiple aspects of the society. I think the Tagores were far more philosophical and hard to reach, but the Rays were more approachable, fun, and way more mortal. The best thing about them is probably the fun part, they all seemed to be enjoying life. It would be totally wrong to think that they had perfect lives, Upendra Kishore, Sukumar and quite a few of their relatives had a small lifespan but to think of their lives just as a count of years would be unjust. They gave us centuries of work and ideals even in their short lives. They tried to bring up young kids across Bengal who would be inquisitive, bright and would concentrate on building healthy bodies as well as healthy minds. The children's magazine "Sandesh" (meaning both news and a Bengali sweet) was created from this legendary press U.Ray and Sons that has brought up generations of children quite successfully. The various articles throughout a century have focused on science, literature, animals, history, mythology, biographies, science fiction, detective stories, riddles and puzzles, nonsense rhymes, kids' competitions for writing, painting, and even stories on film making. The able editors have translated many stories from across the world and have introduced Bengali kids to a whole wide world. It is through the pages of Sandesh that I was introduced to scientific articles about the Sun, about Orion, I read Greek and Norse mythology, and have laughed and laughed at the funny antics of Pagla Dashu (crazy Dashu) and his friends. Satyajit Ray introduced us to detective stories, but while telling us about the adventures of Felu-da and Topshe (who we all think of as our cousins) he taught us history, geography and instilled in us good habits of reading about a place before visiting it, of being responsible and not writing about something without doing your due diligence of researching about it, taught us the etymology and right pronunciations of innumerable English words, and has also taught us about strength of character all while engrossing us in those world class stories. Satyajit Ray has also introduced Bengali film to the world audience. His masterpieces - Pather Panchali, Sonar Kella, Joy Baba Felunath, Charulata, Mahanagar, Agantuk, Nayak, are still unparalleled.

Introduction to Satyajit Ray happens at a pretty early age, but I came to know Leela Majumder well in my late teens. She and I share a common bond as we are alumni of the same school. I read her "Kheror khata" and laughed. Even now when I am stuck for ideas to write a humorous speech for Toastmasters, I translate her anecdotes and repeat them. They can, even after decades, very easily make an international audience laugh. I read her cookbook like a fiction and it is hard for me to decide which I enjoy more - cooking, or just reading the book. Her cookbook, dedicated to all the girls of Bengal has been my most favorite cookbook ever. I like her style of writing and her choice of recipes. Same with her autobiographies - "Aar Konokhane" (written mainly for young readers) and "Paakdandi" (for adult readers), those books make me feel like she is sitting right in front of me and telling me those stories. Her writings have made Sukumar Ray (her older cousin, Satyajit Ray's father) take a human form and come alive. I can see Upendra Kishore coming up the stairs with the first copy of Sandesh straight from his press. I see them laughing and singing, Upendra Kishore showing little kids how to watch the moon with a telescope, them making up stories and drawing cartoons.

When I was young, I learned new things from these books. As I am growing older, I feel that they, through their own lives have shown us how to have a close knit family, how to bring up kids who are close to Nature, and how little people need to really have a happy life. It brings me back to Jerome K. Jerome's thought in Three Men in a Boat, that we need to get rid of the lumber of our lives that we pile up our tiny boat with. This family didn't have that lumber, that is why their boat was so easy to pull.

They have faced sorrow, the grave sadness of losing your loved ones at an early age, financial crisis that came with it and their lifelong love, Sandesh being discontinued as their press had to be sold. But they have left a legacy. That legacy lives amongst happy, inquisitive children, children who lose themselves in books, who write weird stories and create impossible experiments, those who love Nature and them who finally grow up to be happy, responsible, global citizens. We have got so much from people who didn't know us but loved us so much that they gave up all their time, money and energy to bring us up right. We just need to be grateful to them and keep the legacy intact.

The City of Joy

Churmur

I was taken on a trip to see the new parts of Calcutta, towards New Garia, where wide highways with multiple lanes are propping up, the well-lit roads have numerous modern high rises on both sides. The area is complete with supermarkets and the best part is the extension of the Calcutta Metro Railways to cover the southern, eastern and under-the-river channel. It is really great. A city has to move ahead to the future, and Calcutta, albeit after a long time, seems to be catching up. Since last time, I am seeing the city to be much better and cleaner like any decent city should be. The supermarkets are stacked with things like olive oil, bakeware, and toilet tissue, stuff which were not really available easily here in the Bengali areas. A ton of fancy restaurants have also come up. One doesn't need to go to Park Street for continental food any more. Steakhouses and pubs have become quite common and even though they don't really match the Bengali mindset, I think this is a part of globalization we will all have to come to terms with.

Fish fry

While on vacation from Seattle, the stuff I crave most are all available from the street hawkers in Gariahat. For some reason, I feel that Gariahat, with all the clothes, purses, mehndi, and household goods shops that you see on the street has more charm than even Champs Elysees. Here the hawkers at least still call me "didi". I prefer "didi" (elder sister) or even "mona" (a special term of endearment used for young girls, only by people originating from East Bengal) over the massively used "madam" these days, especially at the shopping malls. The phuchkawala in front of our house is still here and he still makes those heavenly mouth-watering phuchka and churmur. He remembers me and makes his usual joke of adding too much green chillies because he knows I don't eat spicy food.

Calcutta to me lives here in the woven cotton sarees, small cups of tea, jhaalmuri, and in the crowded buses. It is in the taste of fish, where the mustard paste is blended right, in the chocolate sandesh of Bhim Chandra Nag, in the smell that wafts in the moment you enter Nahoum's confectioners, and through those innumerable walks along noisy, crowded, and quite dirty streets that engulf you in a sense of warmth and belonging.

A place to call Home

There is a very bad double standard about me. I cannot imagine not living in a joint family, but after marriage, I always want new couples to set up their new home. I know this is wrong, but this is clearly what I think. I was brought up in my ancestral house, as the fourth generation living in here and I am immensely proud of that fact. I very much believe that a person is shaped by the house they live in as well. When it is an old house with nooks and crannies, staircases, a dark and dusty attic, rooms filled with old books of family members not alive any more, you slowly build up a connection with your past, and you get to know your family better through the innumerable black and white photos and the old books of literature, sports, and movies.

My old desk, now used as my home office

This house is as important as my living family. I can feel a sense of life in here, and I firmly believe that when you love something, it most definitely loves you back (not applicable for humans, but applies to everything else in life), so I can feel the house has its special way of welcoming me. There is a certain way a window is supposed to close, one step in the staircase is rounded instead of having a corner, one threshold of a door is sloping, so you step over it otherwise you slip and fall. Those things remind me that I am in my fort.

Then there is the thing about a joint family. Probably because I grew up with a dozen people in the house, I have always been so comfortable around people. I have never been alone in the house ever. Wherever we need to go, there would be people accompanying, just like that. When I went to pick up the application form for my Engineering Entrance test, four people and a driver went with me. I am so used to travel in crowded cars. I mean, that feels like normal. Even now, when somebody randomly says (somebody is either me, or my brother-in-law), "let's go to Marble Palace" or "let's go eat something nice", we gather at least half a dozen people who willingly go with us. Then as usual, something random happens, like losing the way, or coming back with the wrong cake, or some people left behind. Things like this have been happening throughout the ages. My grandmother used to say that our tenants (at that time, we had a family renting our ground floor) got married and nobody knew, while for us, if someone went to buy shoes, they got back home with a regiment of cops, and the whole neighborhood got to know of that.

Family photo on Christmas Day

Here's an old world charm snugly hanging in our house. I feel the presence of my grand parents, my great uncles, and my great-grand parents in here. The things they used, their furniture, their books, clocks and all here and with it is a feeling of comfort, happiness, and the confidence that I always have a place to come home to. This is where my strong roots are, and this is where the best place in the whole wide world is.

Dangal! Dangal!

Thanks life for little bits of mercy. Last Saturday we were planning to go to the movie "Byomkesh parbo". I shouldn't really say "we" because I was against that plan in the beginning. I have a VERY STRONG dislike for movies messing up the imaginative characters from a book. For the same reason, I don't watch Sherlock Holmes. Also, when the stories get shortened or unnecessary parts added for movies, I get very mad. So, there is no reason why I would be elated to watch Byomkesh (also when the names of the movies have no connection to what story it is). However, after quizzing Bhut about the last Byomkesh movie this director made and being satisfied with her reply, I thought ok I should give it a try. But, life has small mercies sometimes and the movie theater where this one was running is currently reserved for International Children's Film Festival. Hence, no tickets. Change of plan. The entire troupe of seven people finally got seats in a row to watch Dangal.

That was a great movie. There have been three movies in my life that I have watched without reading reviews, and on the second day after release. Two of them have been great, the third one? I had to purge my mind with Surf Excel after watching it. (For those who know Bengali, it was Rituparno Ghosh's "Antarmahal".) Anyway, I am more than happy with the decision to watch Dangal because, I loved the theme of women's empowerment and I also loved to see Indian girls making their mark in a sport which is by no means "feminine" or "graceful" and women are terribly underrepresented. If this movie inspires young girls to take care of themselves by eating healthy foods and doing regular exercises to strengthen their bodies, instead of trying to look "beautiful" and posing for disgusting duck-faced selfies, I would say he movie would be really successful.

But, is that enough for girls? Are we doing all that we should? Doesn't seem so. True the female feticide have decreased and many a girl have protested and canceled their weddings when the groom's side asked for a dowry, but there are still weird notions that are plaguing women. I can give you some examples from my own life.

The day after my wedding reception, some neighbors of my in-laws came to "see" me. That wasn't just a social call, it was a probe to see how the new bride is behaving, what she is wearing, what she is doing, etc. That is why women come to do these probes because they can directly get in the areas of kitchen and the new bride's bedroom, which men cannot. I think those people were disappointed to see the new bride in PJs with no jewelry on.

I don't know why people take it upon themselves to find out what is going on someone's life, but if you are a woman, a working one, and on top of that live in the West, then you are a big asset of curiosity. They stereotype you as Westernized who doesn't care about our tradition, who probably can't wear a saree, can't (or doesn't) cook or take care of the house, don't want to have babies, or at least not right after getting married because her career is super important, and the best one, probably can't read Bengali. For that, even after seven years of getting married, I was asked by three women in the past couple days if I know how to cook. When I told them that I just don't know, but I love to cook, they were quite surprised. Because the mismatch between expected and actual caused a little discomfort.

The same thing happened at my sister-in-law's (Arnab's sister's) wedding. Her aunts had already drilled in her head that Ria won't wear a saree, and that she can't really walk if she wears a saree, also that Ria hardly cares about Hindu weddings. It was so much fun to prove them wrong.

What people need to realize is that stereotypes are dangerous. It not only creates a bias, but it also creates a divide, a rift between people and is troublesome. It tells girls "you are not good at math" and that sinks in, it tells bachelors "boys should be messy and they shouldn't know how to cook", it tells "you are not beautiful" and causes anorexia. It is very hurtful to impose your own choices on others "as the norm". It is the norm that girls should be subservient, it is the norm that in arranged marriages the girl's family should oblige to every whim of the groom's family. The Western countries shouldn't really feel elated either. When a girl chooses abortion, she is made to feel like dirt by religious and political groups. She is forced to feel terrible about her choice, but if she needs help to rear her unwanted and unplanned child then she is told to get a job and support herself. Because a stereotypical "good girl" should never have an unplanned/unwanted baby and in case she has, a stereotypical mother should immediately have all her maternal instincts flooding in which should put her baby above everything else. Right? Dream on people! It sounds heavenly, but it is not real.

Every person is unique and every person's life is unique. We have no insight of what is going on in other's lives and why they are behaving in the way they are. Instead of asking "why are you so skinny" as a conversation starter, or make judgmental comments like "you are getting too old to get married" isn't is way easier to ask about someone's hobbies, get to know where they have traveled to, what they like to eat, or other fun, happy things?

Out Of Context

Kids in Bengal, who come from properly educated families, grow up with the book 'Ha Ja Ba Ra La' (wiki link here. The word 'Ha-Ja-Ba-Ra-La' is actually five Bengali consonants (H,J,B,R,L) strewn together and it means gibberish). Influenced by Lewis Carroll's famous Alice in Wonderland, our own Sukumar Ray wrote this story of a little boy meeting strange and super crazy characters in a world of dreams. the same author also has a collection of nonsense rhymes called 'Abol Tabol' (meaning weird and random), some of which I have memorized even now!
Both 'Abol Tabol' and 'Ha-Ja-Ba-Ra-La' mention the impossible. Other than having talking animals, who are pretty smart and sassy at times, they also open the gates to a world where you can just be yourself. The opening poem of the collection 'Abol Tabol' takes you to this place where you can be yourself without any inhibition, especially for borderline crazy people like me, being yourself is the most important thing I crave for after my basic necessities of food and clothing are met. In 'Ha-Ja-Ba-Ra-La' too, you come across characters that people generally think are not possible to meet in real life.

But they are wrong.

I know some people, I am very pleased to call quite a few of them my friends, who can very easily be added to the list of characters from 'Ha-Ja-Ba-Ra-La' and they would fit in there perfectly well. We have compiled a list of comments with the theme of "out of context", which have actually been spoken by people. If you read through them, you will certainly know for yourself who I acquaint with nowadays, and why I feel so comfortable around them.

“I am plural now”

"I need a human aurora near me”

“My head would be a terrible place to be”

“I’m sorry I have mass.”

“I asked him if he wanted a new coffin”

“Stop taking showers and you don’t have to worry about it all”

“My friend had a very very small aorta”

“If you stay at it long enough, it turns into a koala” 

“If tofu and cheese had a kid”

"Do you create your own lightbulbs?"

"You should name your sock."

"Do you speak for all yetis or just yourself?"

"All rainbows are circular. Have you ever thought about that? No! You only think about yourself!”

“Have you experienced issues with the sun before?”

Now, you will know why I feel like I have come to the right place :)