Thanks life for little bits of mercy. Last Saturday we were planning to go to the movie "Byomkesh parbo". I shouldn't really say "we" because I was against that plan in the beginning. I have a VERY STRONG dislike for movies messing up the imaginative characters from a book. For the same reason, I don't watch Sherlock Holmes. Also, when the stories get shortened or unnecessary parts added for movies, I get very mad. So, there is no reason why I would be elated to watch Byomkesh (also when the names of the movies have no connection to what story it is). However, after quizzing Bhut about the last Byomkesh movie this director made and being satisfied with her reply, I thought ok I should give it a try. But, life has small mercies sometimes and the movie theater where this one was running is currently reserved for International Children's Film Festival. Hence, no tickets. Change of plan. The entire troupe of seven people finally got seats in a row to watch Dangal.
That was a great movie. There have been three movies in my life that I have watched without reading reviews, and on the second day after release. Two of them have been great, the third one? I had to purge my mind with Surf Excel after watching it. (For those who know Bengali, it was Rituparno Ghosh's "Antarmahal".) Anyway, I am more than happy with the decision to watch Dangal because, I loved the theme of women's empowerment and I also loved to see Indian girls making their mark in a sport which is by no means "feminine" or "graceful" and women are terribly underrepresented. If this movie inspires young girls to take care of themselves by eating healthy foods and doing regular exercises to strengthen their bodies, instead of trying to look "beautiful" and posing for disgusting duck-faced selfies, I would say he movie would be really successful.
But, is that enough for girls? Are we doing all that we should? Doesn't seem so. True the female feticide have decreased and many a girl have protested and canceled their weddings when the groom's side asked for a dowry, but there are still weird notions that are plaguing women. I can give you some examples from my own life.
The day after my wedding reception, some neighbors of my in-laws came to "see" me. That wasn't just a social call, it was a probe to see how the new bride is behaving, what she is wearing, what she is doing, etc. That is why women come to do these probes because they can directly get in the areas of kitchen and the new bride's bedroom, which men cannot. I think those people were disappointed to see the new bride in PJs with no jewelry on.
I don't know why people take it upon themselves to find out what is going on someone's life, but if you are a woman, a working one, and on top of that live in the West, then you are a big asset of curiosity. They stereotype you as Westernized who doesn't care about our tradition, who probably can't wear a saree, can't (or doesn't) cook or take care of the house, don't want to have babies, or at least not right after getting married because her career is super important, and the best one, probably can't read Bengali. For that, even after seven years of getting married, I was asked by three women in the past couple days if I know how to cook. When I told them that I just don't know, but I love to cook, they were quite surprised. Because the mismatch between expected and actual caused a little discomfort.
The same thing happened at my sister-in-law's (Arnab's sister's) wedding. Her aunts had already drilled in her head that Ria won't wear a saree, and that she can't really walk if she wears a saree, also that Ria hardly cares about Hindu weddings. It was so much fun to prove them wrong.
What people need to realize is that stereotypes are dangerous. It not only creates a bias, but it also creates a divide, a rift between people and is troublesome. It tells girls "you are not good at math" and that sinks in, it tells bachelors "boys should be messy and they shouldn't know how to cook", it tells "you are not beautiful" and causes anorexia. It is very hurtful to impose your own choices on others "as the norm". It is the norm that girls should be subservient, it is the norm that in arranged marriages the girl's family should oblige to every whim of the groom's family. The Western countries shouldn't really feel elated either. When a girl chooses abortion, she is made to feel like dirt by religious and political groups. She is forced to feel terrible about her choice, but if she needs help to rear her unwanted and unplanned child then she is told to get a job and support herself. Because a stereotypical "good girl" should never have an unplanned/unwanted baby and in case she has, a stereotypical mother should immediately have all her maternal instincts flooding in which should put her baby above everything else. Right? Dream on people! It sounds heavenly, but it is not real.
Every person is unique and every person's life is unique. We have no insight of what is going on in other's lives and why they are behaving in the way they are. Instead of asking "why are you so skinny" as a conversation starter, or make judgmental comments like "you are getting too old to get married" isn't is way easier to ask about someone's hobbies, get to know where they have traveled to, what they like to eat, or other fun, happy things?
That was a great movie. There have been three movies in my life that I have watched without reading reviews, and on the second day after release. Two of them have been great, the third one? I had to purge my mind with Surf Excel after watching it. (For those who know Bengali, it was Rituparno Ghosh's "Antarmahal".) Anyway, I am more than happy with the decision to watch Dangal because, I loved the theme of women's empowerment and I also loved to see Indian girls making their mark in a sport which is by no means "feminine" or "graceful" and women are terribly underrepresented. If this movie inspires young girls to take care of themselves by eating healthy foods and doing regular exercises to strengthen their bodies, instead of trying to look "beautiful" and posing for disgusting duck-faced selfies, I would say he movie would be really successful.
But, is that enough for girls? Are we doing all that we should? Doesn't seem so. True the female feticide have decreased and many a girl have protested and canceled their weddings when the groom's side asked for a dowry, but there are still weird notions that are plaguing women. I can give you some examples from my own life.
The day after my wedding reception, some neighbors of my in-laws came to "see" me. That wasn't just a social call, it was a probe to see how the new bride is behaving, what she is wearing, what she is doing, etc. That is why women come to do these probes because they can directly get in the areas of kitchen and the new bride's bedroom, which men cannot. I think those people were disappointed to see the new bride in PJs with no jewelry on.
I don't know why people take it upon themselves to find out what is going on someone's life, but if you are a woman, a working one, and on top of that live in the West, then you are a big asset of curiosity. They stereotype you as Westernized who doesn't care about our tradition, who probably can't wear a saree, can't (or doesn't) cook or take care of the house, don't want to have babies, or at least not right after getting married because her career is super important, and the best one, probably can't read Bengali. For that, even after seven years of getting married, I was asked by three women in the past couple days if I know how to cook. When I told them that I just don't know, but I love to cook, they were quite surprised. Because the mismatch between expected and actual caused a little discomfort.
The same thing happened at my sister-in-law's (Arnab's sister's) wedding. Her aunts had already drilled in her head that Ria won't wear a saree, and that she can't really walk if she wears a saree, also that Ria hardly cares about Hindu weddings. It was so much fun to prove them wrong.
What people need to realize is that stereotypes are dangerous. It not only creates a bias, but it also creates a divide, a rift between people and is troublesome. It tells girls "you are not good at math" and that sinks in, it tells bachelors "boys should be messy and they shouldn't know how to cook", it tells "you are not beautiful" and causes anorexia. It is very hurtful to impose your own choices on others "as the norm". It is the norm that girls should be subservient, it is the norm that in arranged marriages the girl's family should oblige to every whim of the groom's family. The Western countries shouldn't really feel elated either. When a girl chooses abortion, she is made to feel like dirt by religious and political groups. She is forced to feel terrible about her choice, but if she needs help to rear her unwanted and unplanned child then she is told to get a job and support herself. Because a stereotypical "good girl" should never have an unplanned/unwanted baby and in case she has, a stereotypical mother should immediately have all her maternal instincts flooding in which should put her baby above everything else. Right? Dream on people! It sounds heavenly, but it is not real.
Every person is unique and every person's life is unique. We have no insight of what is going on in other's lives and why they are behaving in the way they are. Instead of asking "why are you so skinny" as a conversation starter, or make judgmental comments like "you are getting too old to get married" isn't is way easier to ask about someone's hobbies, get to know where they have traveled to, what they like to eat, or other fun, happy things?
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