Gender

This is the time of the Women's March in many cities within and outside the USA which is trying to bring women's issues in the forefront (sadly, though many women are ignorant about it and/or choosing to not support other women) and this is also when I was reading National Geographic's January issue, a special coverage on gender. There is one thing I learned, and that has opened the door to much more linked thinking, that is "gender is a spectrum". From time immemorial, we have known that gender is binary. Little kids know too that girls are supposed to play with dolls and boys with trucks and guns. Growing up, I did not have guns to play with. When I was eight, and my cousins little older, I remember our uncle giving us toys where my boy-cousin was given an electric circuit board with batteries and wires and my girl-cousin was given a mini-piano. It was normal thinking that a boy would love making those electric circuits, but ironically it has been the two girls in our family who became engineers and the one who got the electric circuit board didn't like anything technological, so that game was left at the back of his cupboard for years, only to be donated by his mom later.

Why do I like the idea that gender is a spectrum?
Because it has answered many questions I had about myself and many people around me.
If gender was binary, where would tomboys fit? What about those men who have a natural inclination towards make-up or dress designing? Our problem is that we have created boxes and we try to push and shove everyone in those boxes whether they fit in, or not. And, we try to make everyone's lives our business. We have decided that if you are a girl, you need to do certain things, like - be caring, gentle, pretty, not-so-smart (at least not smarter than your future husband), maternal (don't want kids? What kind of a woman are you?). Similarly, for boys, they - have to be strong (boys don't cry, right?), can be all rough and tumble, have to be the future breadwinner (stay at home dads are insulted, but stay at home moms are glorified). In the eastern context, there are more double standards. A girl has to be subservient and promptly make her in-laws place her home, but a boy would not go to his in-laws unless he is formally invited.

Let's try to make the world a better place for all.

These things are baseless. Let's get out of these stereotypes, and stop containing people in buckets. A person is first a human being and then anything else. Look at a kid as a unique person with his or her individual likes and dislikes. Figure out what he or she likes. Don't mould her choices based on your ideas, or worse still, society's expectations. There is a friend of mine who (and his wife) wanted to stop their daughter from getting in the pink madness. They intentionally chose a theme of blue and yellow for her birthday, but most of the guests brought pink colored gifts and some even wore pink clothes. Introduce them to all kids of toys. There is another person I know of who insisted that his daughter not change tires, because "some tasks are good to be left for men to do". My niece told me last year that she doesn't play cricket because at school the other kids said it is a boys' game. Her dad explained to her briefly, as much as possible to a five-year-old, that everyone can play cricket and there is nothing called a boys' game. Then this year we played cricket with her at home. She enjoyed it immensely! Take the moments when you can help bring some change, and do something. Even if it is a tiny thing at that time, it may have a big impact later.

Pic courtesy - Yana Das (From Womens' March in SF)