Rainbow Bridge

In loving memory of Zakir Hussain and Hariprasad....

It is sad that I had so very limited knowledge about animals and limited resources that I really couldn't help you much. You needed a lot more things which I had no clue to at that time. I hope you will understand. Maybe you are the reason why I feel that I should do "something" for homeless animals, because in doing so I can reach out to you. That is why Humane Society's or ASPCA's campaigns mean so much to me, that's why I decided to bring Bebe home...

A stray dog is a dog too!

In a country where people are still "afraid" of normal cats and dogs for no reason whatsoever, where people think all stray dogs are rabied and compassion hardly gets a chance, the only way to overcome this situation is by spaying/neutering stray dogs. This is such a simple thing but I don't know why it is so difficult to implement. If just one generation of dogs get fixed, we would have the entire situation under control in a totally humane way. People also need to not be afraid of animals. Unless this fear goes away, help would never come.

Also, animals are not "status symbols".

We need to understand that and stop "buying" animals. Animals are not commodities to be bought, they need to be adopted. They are living souls. These are the people who abandon and brutally treat these animals. I won't call them "pets", as pets are always loved and cared for. I don't know what these people think these animals to be. Well, in a society where even humans are treated brutally and domestic violence is a common affair, what else can you expect?

Zakir Hussain and Hariprasad's souls are living through Bebe and through the shelter dogs whose lives I have indirectly helped make better, their souls will feel happy every time Bebe feels good to be around me. I wish I could just bring them over here now and they could get the best food, vets and care as possible. The only thing I know is they are safe and happy at the Rainbow Bridge and are playing, rolling on the green meadow where it is warm and sunny all year long and the angels are looking after them... I know I will see them again and we will cross the Rainbow Bridge together...

Street pup

Courtsey: Dogs photos are taken by my friend Ayan Goswami in Calcutta, India.

Must read: The Rainbow Bridge - http://rainbowsbridge.com/poem.htm

Looks that I love

Ok, this is going to be a girly article. It is about looks that I love in various occasions and different places.

1. The not-so-formal look

Even though I wear destroyed denim shorts and flip flops to work, I don't really think that to be very nice looking. I wear it because it is extremely comfortable and it suits my personality and nobody at work cares about clothes! But for work in general, the business casual look is very pretty. You don't have to wear crisp stiff suits and you can still be in a dark blue denim. For regular wear, white shirt with denim and a bright scarf or bright shoes look great. My general idea with colors is the same, keep the background neutral, or sublime and put pops of color in front or in small quantities. I use the same idea while decorating rooms. Anyway, yes, for regular wear, if you keep the larger articles in a cool or subtle shade, you can surely paint your nails with neon colors. For people who love watches, a big bright colorful watch can do wonders to your overall look. So can a big tote bag.

I don't like combining two (or worse still, more) patterns. Nor do I personally like pants in bright colors. I have seen yellow, pink and orange pants, but I'd rather wear white pants and balance that with a bright summery top. Jewelry look good on most women. As long as that piece of jewelry don't overtake the entire look, wear what you are comfortable with. For petites, choose very tiny pieces and preferably not dangling ear-rings.

At work, it's better not to paint nails in neon colors though. Nicely buffed nails or a french manicure looks professional and neat. Same about hairstyles, a classic bob or neatly tied pony-tail looks nice. Bangs covering half the eyes or frizzy curls are neither good to look not comfortable.

Note: Please keep in mind your own figure while choosing pants. Boot cuts would make short people look stubby and tiny. For curvy frames, leggings or ultra skinnies are a complete no-no. If in doubt, reach out for the classic straight legged trousers. (I wear them as I find skinnies to be EXTREMELY uncomfortable and boot cuts make me look, well... tiny.)

2. Absolute casual wear (clothes in which you run errands or walk the dog)

Denim and t-shirt....with a nice flip flop or flat... who says you don't need to look good when you are at Costco? Nice bright colored shorts or skirts are good casual clothing as well. You can use them as lounge wear and also can roam around the neighborhood park. They are cool in summer too. If you wear fancy sunglasses and a big brimmed hat, then you can wear these to the beach as well. In fall, big boots look very nice with shorts and jackets. Another thing I like is pairing lacy white skirts with blue jeans jackets and boots. Dresses worn with denim jackets are cool too!

3. Evening wear

I am not a big fan of evening gowns and stiletto shoes. Firstly, I don't go to parties as such, and secondly this just doesn't suit me. Finally, I'm sure I'll trip and sprain my ankle if I wear stilettos. I like wearing dresses and color-block ones are my personal favorite. They may look simple, but I don't mind. As I have skinny arms, I prefer to wear a shrug or a cardigan over the dresses. If I wear Indian clothes as evening wear, I would definitely reach for a saree. The best thing about a saree is that you can wear it in any style you want. The same piece of cloth can be worn traditionally or in a very stylish way perfect for parties if you pair it with suitable accessories, hairstyle and makeup. I like light sarees, especially silk ones. Heavy ones don't look nice on me and some are too heavy for my own weight too. During my wedding I had to wear a couple of heavy ones, but that's ok for one evening, not for regular wear. I always love to wear jewelry with sarees but sometimes I intentionally don't wear a necklace. It keeps the look light and also displays the border of the saree in a better way.

Note: Even though sarees complement all kinds of figures, we can still choose specific ones  depending on our own frames. Petite people should not wear heavy all over embroidered ones, neither should they wear sarees with wide borders. Tall women always have more options. Skinny girls should also stay away from clingy materials like Georgette or chiffon. Chubby girls look good in these fabrics, skinny ones look better in crisp cottony sarees.  

Make-up

As I have a very sensitive skin prone to acne (all the time) I prefer to have very little makeup. In most cases all I put on my face are moisturizer and face powder and a little lip-balm. When I do get dressed, I still prefer a natural look. No smoky eyes or dark red lips for me. Actually I look very strange if I wear lipstick. So I only put on lip gloss with a faint tint. For lipstick I have a close to nude shade which is the only one I'd wear. A little black eye liner would be enough too, I don't much care for eye shadows.

The final look

This is the traditional wear that every Bengali girl loves and every Bengali girl looks best in. That is the white saree with a red border. As many many many married women said (in Bengali novels) the only thing they care for is the vermillion (sindur) on their foreheads, the red-white (coral and conch shell) and iron bangles and this kind of a saree. I think that is my most favorite look... even in the twenty-first century!

Contact Lens

I never liked contact lenses. I wore them for a few years at a stretch from 1996 and then had them on and off for a while, but I just went on hating them. Why? Huff... I wore rigid gas permeable lenses which are as uncomfortable as it can get. Also, with my astigmatism, I could never really get them to fit properly. The doctor didn't mention anything clearly, my parents thought I was being mischievous or lazy when I hated to wear them, relatives tried to convince me to wear them without knowing what's really going on. They said all good things about contact lenses, yes I understand that, but did they have high astigmatism like me? I guess not! Whatever, then my lenses dried up and I threw them away.

The only time I did miss them was when I dressed up. Heavy glasses (especially the ones I had in my early-mid teens) looked horrible when I wore nice dresses and jewelry. As we grew up, many of my friends wore lenses, soft lenses to be very precise, but I couldn't wear them because they didn't (and still don't) have the astigmatism correction I need.

When I went for an eye checkup before my wedding and asked the doctor to suggest something about lenses that I can wear on my wedding (I couldn't bear the idea of wearing my glasses while dressed up as a bride) the doctor recommended wearing soft lenses with as mush astigmatism correction as possible and just forget about precise clear vision. "You are not going to take a three hour long written test", Arnab chimed in, "as long as you can recognize people, you should be good." Well, ok.. sounded good to me. The doctor gave me a bunch of free contact lenses and I packed them all to take to Calcutta with me. Then later they all dried up and I threw them away!

A couple years back I went to another doctor. He is by far the SMARTEST doctor ever. He also gave me soft lenses with as much astigmatism correction as Acuvue allows. I would have been ok with that, but then he asked, "what about watching movies? Or driving home from somewhere you want to go without your glasses?" I was like, "huh! I missed those test cases!" As I was not much bothered about my looks, he suggested - wear just your contacts when you want to dress up, but have glasses that would only correct the remaining astigmatism. That way you can see ok at most times and when you need accurate vision wear the light weight glasses with your lenses! Such a simple solution! I wonder why this didn't cross the other doctors' heads!

Now I want to see which frame I can choose for a sun-glass!

So, that's what I have been following so far. I wore my contact lenses to the sea side last weekend and for the first time could wear my sunglasses and could actually SEE the sea and the waves coming when I went to bathe in the sea....not a bad thing, huh?

India

When I was tiny, I remember my sister teaching me when the birthdays for people in our family are. She taught me that Aug. 13 is my own birthday and Aug. 15 is India's birthday! Yes, in a true sense it is. I remember very well in 1997 on the morning of Aug. 15 when I picked up The Statesman and something caught my eye - Two dominions are born - was the big headline. What!! I exclaimed as I saw Jawaharlal Nehru's picture. Then it struck me and I saw the date. Statesman intentionally draped the front page of their newspaper from 1947 after fifty years! That was fun. So our country was born in 1947. But we can't and shouldn't forget our rich heritage that dates back thousands of years.

Our country is in a bad shape now. I know that like every other person. It is terribly over populated, run by corrupt politicians and nothing seems to work correctly. In every possible place from health care to education and professors to cricketers all seem to be seeped in corruption. There are power failures at hospitals, villages still don't have motor-able roads, lack of proper education leads to problems in almost all places, religious leaders reign supreme, police officers work for political parties... you name it.

But, that is home!

That is the land I was born and that is the land where my roots are. In the crowded fish markets where Bengalis throng in the morning to bargain for the freshest Ilish, where school-college and office goers board buses like sardine cans, with the conductor crying "pechhoner dike egiye cholun" (advance towards the back - the most common oxymoron of the streets of Calcutta), in the Southern breeze that comes from the distant oceans, in the cheers during cricket matches... that's where I am from.

India will survive...The land which has withstood invasions over thousands of years by the Sakas, Huns, Greeks, Mughals, British and French does not have to fear anything. We came out of all problems, we will come out of this too.

That is where Indians will find their home...in the sage who sits in a cave in the Himalayas, in a tiny lamp that floats on the Ganga at Varanasi, in the colors of Rangoli and glass bangles, in the red bordered white sarees and taste of fish and mishti-doi, the platter of banana leaves and the fireworks of Diwali! That will never go away and with it the land stretching from the snow capped Himalayas with tulip fields in Kashmir in the north to the land of coconut palms, backwaters and tropical rainfall of Kerala in the south, to the fertile green plains of Bengal in the east to the golden desert of Rajasthan in the west will always be there to give us a feel of home...

বলো বলো বলো সবে 

শত বীণা বেণুরবে 

ভারত আবার জগতসভায় শ্রেষ্ঠ আসন লবে 

The last year in my twenties

I may look like someone in her teens (I get carded everywhere possible), but the truth is this is my last year in the twenties! Even though it sounds like I am slowly creeping towards the really grown-up age but well, that shouldn't be bad right? It is just another decade, life goes on in the same way...the world stays the same...

Things were so different for me 29 years back though...it was like a Big Bang. Till the time I was born there was just darkness, then in a moment I was flooded with information. Light, sound, touch, pain, smell, taste and the basic consciousness about being alive. Isn't that the best thing? To be alive in this world!!

A world full of people and animals, beautiful blue sky, bright sun, stars like diamonds, green trees and fields of wheat. To be alive to cherish these beautiful things, to smell a rose, to pick a home grown ripe tomato, to roll on the cool grass on a summer afternoon, to walk up snowy ridges and to see the lapping waves of an ocean at my feet is worth living.

To grow up in a family where one is loved and cared for, the very fact that there are happy childhood memories, to have a husband who is a friend and partner, to have friends to hang out with from all over the world, friends who speak different languages, come from different religions and cultures but with whom you can share little details of your life. Co-workers who help and teach, who encourage you to try out new things, learn new technology. Teachers (physical and virtual) who inspire and teach you good morals and lead by example. The things we can take in from this world to enrich our lives, those are the best.

If you don't love yourself, no one else would. If you don't respect yourself, then also no one else would. However, pets are different. They are the only beings who love you without any expectation. I am so blessed to have Mota, May, Peanut Butter and Bebe in my life. Every night when Mota lays himself down next to me, cuddled up into a fur ball, I feel so great and every morning it's Bebe with her enthusiastic jump on the bed who wakes me up with a "Good morning" woof!

Life is great when you feel great. And you feel great when you accomplish something good, when you love and are loved in return, when people appreciate you or just feel good when you are around. With that comes sharing all the good stuff I have...when I am happy I would like others to be happy. There is so much to do and so much to learn...I don't know if one lifetime will be enough for all that.

On Bengali marriages

There might be some article on marriages, yes not weddings, but I haven't seen them, so I wanted to write one of my own. Like everything, the concept of a marriage has changed a lot over the ages and the transformation has been great over the last half century or so. I would concentrate on the Bengali ones, but I guess those are pretty much similar to the ones all over India.

In the 1800s, girls were married off when they were little kids and their husbands would be in their early to mid teens. As they were so little, girls would keep on living at her father's house for some more years, until she becomes of child bearing age, that would be her early teens though. Those marriages would involve a middle man, or woman, who would bring information of prospective brides and grooms. Then caste and astrological matches were calculated, with that the basic things of if the girl is pretty or if the groom's father has say a lot of land would be looked into. The bride and the groom would never ever see one another. In most cases their parents would not see their prospective spouses either until the very day of wedding.

Later, with boys getting more educated and some of them moving out into the cities for higher education, they started complaining about early marriages. As a result, the age of boys went up significantly from teenage to early twenties. Conservative families still didn't like this and even though some families encouraged their sons to go see their would-be spouses, many other families totally rejected that idea. In the stories of Rabindranath, we see these young men who would at times go with their guy friends to see the brides. Some of these men who were open to western education didn't want to get married to child brides. Even with a wide age difference of ten years or more, they wanted a little older girls. Especially for families in Calcutta, school educated brides slowly became common. Those girls would be able to read and write Bengali, they read story books and were proficient in writing letters. In the famous novel "Prothom pratishruti" that was the kind of daughter-in-law Satyabati wanted.

With the onset of Brahmoism, a class of Bengalis became extremely well educated and shun the rigid orthodoxy. Here I am talking about late 1800s to early to mid 1900s. It was the time when Bengal Renaissance lit up the entire society and people gained that consciousness to question what is right and what is wrong. Even though all these were arranged marriages, that is the family decided on the match, both the brides and grooms were allowed to meet one another before the wedding. There might be a few "love marriages" in those days, of people inspired by the British, but those were negligible.

From the mid 1900s, love marriages increased in count. Also, in some of those marriages, the spouses were from different castes and backgrounds, which in those days were small revolutions I'd say! However, in most of these cases, the common trend was the new bride would move in with her in-laws. Even though educated, she still would not have a career. There were some women who were teachers, but mostly they would leave their jobs, if at all they had any, after marriage. Some men who were working out of the city would take their wives along, but generally people stayed with their families in their ancestral homes.

In the later part of 1900s, say in around the 60s, a new trend grew among the well educated community. Then young men started to leave the country and settle abroad. Before, there were barristers, engineers and doctors who would go to study in Britain, but they came back after completing their studies. This new generation did not come back. They were the first instances of brain drain. They took their wives with them to the USA and had their kids there. They would come once a year or so to visit, but that was all. These wives in most cases found a career abroad and they were the ones who had their "own home" outside that of their parents and in-laws.

The concept of nuclear families became more apparent and normal families started to be called as "joint families". People moved out of their ancestral homes, partly because those old houses became too much to maintain and flats were easier to maintain and gave a sense of independence as well. From the 70s, women were working as well in many families and so they wanted to have a different set up and not tow the lines of their mums-in-law. The concept of marriage went through a lot of change. These young women were married in their early twenties. By that time they completed their graduation and some even studied for post-graduation after getting married. If they were working, they wouldn't give up their jobs just because they are married now and the families realized that another source of income is always welcome. Also, families started having lesser number of kids, so parents didn't really worry about marrying off their daughters at an early age.

When we were growing up, parents did not want us to get married before settling into a job or securing our studies well into completion. In our generation, even for arranged marriages, these young people were not just allowed, but encouraged to go out together, watch movies, eat out so as to know one another better before marriage. This is a very big step. Also, nowadays there are at most two kids in the family, in many cases just one. So girls are getting similar encouragement for studies, extra curricular activities and career guidance. When marriages are arranged by parents, the only difference is that the bride and groom are introduced to one another by the family instead of they themselves taking that step.

Expectations have also changed a lot over the ages. From the time where wives were supposed to cover their heads all the time and not speak in front of elders, nowadays girls comfortably wear western clothes at their in-laws place and continue to have a normal life without any restrictions. Many people have their own setup even when they live in the same city. Living in a different apartment doesn't mean that they are not on good terms with their parents or in-laws. It is just a comfortable distance.

With people debating about the differences of love marriage and arranged marriage and about women's lib in our current society, I'd end this article with a funny story. This is from Leela Majumder's story, I am just translating. Long back in the late 1800s, a very emancipated family decided to let their daughter see her prospective husband and then the girl and her would-be husband can choose to proceed with the match or not. An extremely bold step in those days. Everything was planned and this family went on a picnic to the zoo where the young man would come with his friends. The men walked round the place where the girl was sitting, she really liked the young man and gave her approval when asked. Later, on the wedding evening she found out that he was not the guy whom she liked! No one specifically told her which one among the group of guys was her future husband!! Well, but at that time she was already married and she didn't complain about it. They lived happily married for sixty long years...it is for a reason they say marriages are made in heaven!

Culture SHOCK!!!

Shock would be too mild a word to describe my (and Arnab's) feelings yesterday. We were YouTube surfing to find something to watch last evening when Arnab came across some Bengali movie song, the name of which he couldn't comprehend at once. We played the song to see what it is about and that is when we got this shock. It is horrifying to watch that. I'd any day prefer a third class alien movie over it. The guy is Jeet, and I don't know the girl, but they were dancing to this song which had totally disgusting lyrics and the vulgar clothes and dance moves actually would hurt the eye. We probably have seen similar things in Bollywood songs a lot, but it makes me sad to see these getting reflected in Bengali culture, a culture which we so dearly love and are proud to show case in the world.

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I am bragging about it, but I would still say the brain drain that started in the late 1960s and is continuing till date has started to show its effects back home. Every year a batch of bright students are scooped up and barring a few exceptions, the not so brights are left behind. They may go abroad for higher studies or go to other parts of India for work. Whatever it is, Calcutta (and Bengal) have started to see a gradual decline in the quality of people.

I have left home six years now and every year I visit I see sub-standard people around in places like Victoria Memorial, Museum and those other ones which were frequented by students and young kids brought by their families. Instead the rush seems to be at South City Mall, where it seems just roaming around in the mall has become the latest trend. Talking about movies and tv shows, only a handful of movies like Bhooter Bhabishyot, Kahaani or Meghe Dhaka Taara are worth mentioning. The rest are of the lot I started this article with. They are reflections of the substandard Bollywood culture which Bengalis have always looked down upon. Last time in Calcutta I saw dance shows for kids on TV which I just couldn't stand. What do they plan to do? What do they plan to teach the young kids? To want to grow up as those dancers?

Where did Bournvita Quiz Contest go? Or the science quizzes for high school kids sponsored by Doordarshan ? Isn't there anything constructive like debates or proper classical song and dance competitions? Do they still have sit and draw competitions in school like the ones Fevicryl organized for us? I doubt. And these things are shocking me, horrifying me as well as saddening me.

A few recent Bengali movies I watched all had something or the other about extra marital relationships. They show drinking and smoking as a new fashion even among girls. I mean, come on, this generation has grown up knowing the effects of smoking, even after that how can they think it to be a fashion statement. And girls!! Do they not know the ill effects smoking has on the health of girls, especially when they want to have kids later? For those people who watch these movies and think this is what happens in the West, FYI, it doesn't. Smoking and drinking are considered extremely bad in the West as well as everywhere else. Other than a glass of wine or a mug of beer I haven't seen "parties" where the sole reason is to drink. Well, it is different among college kids, they do drink beer, but not among grown ups. Being drunk is a bad thing. As for smoking, there are major disincentives for that and smokers smoke on the sly, they don't show it off.

I read a few "interviews" of Bengali soap stars. They are so below the standard that the movies they say they like or the actors they love can't go beyond Bollywood movies. If someone says her favorite movie is "Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam" then I have got to worry about that person's intellect. Someone who is unintelligent in one way would most likely be unintelligent in every other way.

If this is what Bengali "culture" has down graded to, then I will be totally happy to not teach my kids anything about Bengal. It will be much better to NOT know Bengal at all than to know these disgusting down market stuff. I would have said the culture is going to the dogs, but I won't because yesterday when the horrid song was on, Bebe jumped up and barked in her most mad way and tried to bite us and make us stop that song. Bebe seems to have got much better taste than many of our fellow humans.