It was just a normal day for me today. Getting up in the morning, breakfast, work, meetings, pizza lunch, little shopping, coming back home, dinner, and now lounging before going to bed. There was one good part about today, I had my yearly merit increase/bonus pay meeting with my manager, and like all the other years, I am very happy about it. On this Women's Day, I choose to be grateful because even though this was just a normal day for me, this still shows how privileged I am. This day without any extraordinary events is still a great deal fantastic to many, many, girls around this world.
Why?
When I woke up, I was given coffee by Arnab (not for Women's Day, he does it always). Even to this day, Indian women are told to serve tea to everyone in their in-laws house. I don't do that at my in-laws house either. I get served breakfast like every other person in the house, my sister-in-law takes care of that.
I had bacon for breakfast. Yes I was born in a Hindu household, but no one has ever put any restrictions on what I eat because of any religious reasons. I can eat what I want as long as it is not bad for my health.
I go to work, and I love it. I have been brought up to realize that I am good at studies and I should have a stable profession. I was pushed hard to complete my higher education and I am happy that I kept my parents wishes. They "wished" it only because they knew my potential and limitations. They didn't really tell me I can be whatever I want to. When I wanted to be a scientist, my father pointed out the problems, but he also explained how Computer Science would be a better profession for me. Fortunately, it has been so far. As USA is still struggling with a very minor percentage of girls in STEM majors, I am thankful about how my sister and I were brought up, and so were many of my girl friends back home.
At meetings I don't have to struggle to make my voice heard. I work in a team with very few women (if there are very few girls in STEM majors, software engineers won't pop out from deep space) but our ideas are given importance, our voices are heard, and we feel comfortable to "sit at the table" as Sheryl Sandberg says. I am encouraged to use the whiteboard and think aloud. I collaborate with my peers and love sharing ideas.
I have guy friends and I love them! No, Arnab doesn't have set rules for me about who can be my friends. Unlike many irritating men whose bloated male egos get hurt when their wives have male friends, I am fortunate enough to have a man who doesn't care about which gender my friends fall in to. He laughs when he hears our funny antics as I tell him what jokes we said at lunch time, or some hilarious compilation of out of context statements that is a signature thing in my friends group.
I don't have to ask for Arnab's permission to go shopping, but I love to go out with him. Actually I don't even buy my own clothes without him. Many women dread to tell their husbands that they bought something either because they overspend, or because their husbands control how much they should spend. Having a relationship where you are hiding an expense from your spouse can't be a healthy one. I don't fall into that category.
Dinner can't be enjoyed well if you don't eat together. We cook together, prep food together, and eat together. It is our own little family ritual. Today Arnab prepped dinner. I did the cleanup afterwards. A marriage is a team work, and we choose to follow that. I don't have to toil with cooking everyday because my husband would only eat fresh cooked food. My in-laws don't instruct me on what to cook for my husband. He is a grown up man, if he wants something that bad, he can cook that himself.
Lounging before bed. That is my me-time and nobody bothers me for that.
That is when I can sit, unwind, and retrospect on my day, and on my life. Even though I say that I am fortunate, I think there are certain things that I actually chose for myself. Yes, I was fortunate that my parents brought me up like this, but choosing a life parter has been a deliberate decision on my part. I could have been unwise, but I didn't. I gave this a lot of thought, as much was possible by my 24 year old brain, and I chose the right person. I was empowered to do that, for sure. I didn't have an arranged marriage, so I had to do all the thinking. Choosing my job is also a deliberate effort. I could choose to stay at home. I could choose to step back and not be so involved at work. There was no reason to step up to be the President of our Toastmaster club. But I did those. I did those to enhance my life. I did those to prove to myself and to many many generations of girls after me that a woman's life doesn't revolve only round her family. A woman has all the power to make her own world as charming as she wants to.
When my manager congratulated me today on one more "solid year" and discussed with me what technical details to put in my goals for the coming year, he was not encouraging only one employee, he was encouraging a woman to pursue her dreams and love it! The merit increase I got is not to make me feel smug, it is an honor to receive it for something I love doing. It isn't just for me either, it is for those men and women who paved the way before us, who showed us, time and again that a woman's place is not just in the home, it is in the whole wide world.
Why?
When I woke up, I was given coffee by Arnab (not for Women's Day, he does it always). Even to this day, Indian women are told to serve tea to everyone in their in-laws house. I don't do that at my in-laws house either. I get served breakfast like every other person in the house, my sister-in-law takes care of that.
I had bacon for breakfast. Yes I was born in a Hindu household, but no one has ever put any restrictions on what I eat because of any religious reasons. I can eat what I want as long as it is not bad for my health.
I go to work, and I love it. I have been brought up to realize that I am good at studies and I should have a stable profession. I was pushed hard to complete my higher education and I am happy that I kept my parents wishes. They "wished" it only because they knew my potential and limitations. They didn't really tell me I can be whatever I want to. When I wanted to be a scientist, my father pointed out the problems, but he also explained how Computer Science would be a better profession for me. Fortunately, it has been so far. As USA is still struggling with a very minor percentage of girls in STEM majors, I am thankful about how my sister and I were brought up, and so were many of my girl friends back home.
At meetings I don't have to struggle to make my voice heard. I work in a team with very few women (if there are very few girls in STEM majors, software engineers won't pop out from deep space) but our ideas are given importance, our voices are heard, and we feel comfortable to "sit at the table" as Sheryl Sandberg says. I am encouraged to use the whiteboard and think aloud. I collaborate with my peers and love sharing ideas.
I have guy friends and I love them! No, Arnab doesn't have set rules for me about who can be my friends. Unlike many irritating men whose bloated male egos get hurt when their wives have male friends, I am fortunate enough to have a man who doesn't care about which gender my friends fall in to. He laughs when he hears our funny antics as I tell him what jokes we said at lunch time, or some hilarious compilation of out of context statements that is a signature thing in my friends group.
I don't have to ask for Arnab's permission to go shopping, but I love to go out with him. Actually I don't even buy my own clothes without him. Many women dread to tell their husbands that they bought something either because they overspend, or because their husbands control how much they should spend. Having a relationship where you are hiding an expense from your spouse can't be a healthy one. I don't fall into that category.
Dinner can't be enjoyed well if you don't eat together. We cook together, prep food together, and eat together. It is our own little family ritual. Today Arnab prepped dinner. I did the cleanup afterwards. A marriage is a team work, and we choose to follow that. I don't have to toil with cooking everyday because my husband would only eat fresh cooked food. My in-laws don't instruct me on what to cook for my husband. He is a grown up man, if he wants something that bad, he can cook that himself.
Lounging before bed. That is my me-time and nobody bothers me for that.
That is when I can sit, unwind, and retrospect on my day, and on my life. Even though I say that I am fortunate, I think there are certain things that I actually chose for myself. Yes, I was fortunate that my parents brought me up like this, but choosing a life parter has been a deliberate decision on my part. I could have been unwise, but I didn't. I gave this a lot of thought, as much was possible by my 24 year old brain, and I chose the right person. I was empowered to do that, for sure. I didn't have an arranged marriage, so I had to do all the thinking. Choosing my job is also a deliberate effort. I could choose to stay at home. I could choose to step back and not be so involved at work. There was no reason to step up to be the President of our Toastmaster club. But I did those. I did those to enhance my life. I did those to prove to myself and to many many generations of girls after me that a woman's life doesn't revolve only round her family. A woman has all the power to make her own world as charming as she wants to.
When my manager congratulated me today on one more "solid year" and discussed with me what technical details to put in my goals for the coming year, he was not encouraging only one employee, he was encouraging a woman to pursue her dreams and love it! The merit increase I got is not to make me feel smug, it is an honor to receive it for something I love doing. It isn't just for me either, it is for those men and women who paved the way before us, who showed us, time and again that a woman's place is not just in the home, it is in the whole wide world.
