Lean In

On the eve of International Women's Day, for the first time I will write an article on men. The reason being #LeanIn. I don't know from where I should start as this is a topic very close to my mind and heart. I have so many men to thank for leaning in to help me grow all throughout my life and I have been lucky that in the case where I could choose, I did make the right choice.

If you haven't yet heard about Lean In, you should do it immediately. Here's the link - http://leanin.org/ The stuff which is my common rant (I have multiple articles here touching the same subject for years) includes how men need to chip in housework. The home is for both spouses and the responsibility of having a happy family by no means can fall only on the woman. It just defies common logic. Not surprisingly enough, I saw Lean In making the exact same remarks and of course, in a more organized way and by experts. Even though feminists sometimes see men as the main antagonist to a woman's happiness (with the news of domestic violence it is at times hard to believe otherwise), I am happy to see Lean In looking at the involvement of men from a positive angle. Instead of bringing the bad examples, this organization is celebrating the good ones.

In a society which universally believes that women still cannot have it all and that glorifies "sacrifices" mothers make to their careers by putting their kids higher up in priority list, this is like a breath of fresh air. I quote this from the site directly - "And if anyone, including that voice in your head, insists you must choose between work and family, remember that men routinely assume they can have both—and you should too." I think we should get the examples of women who did have it all. Instead of saying "she was an exception" why don't we try to make them the role models? If one woman can do it why can't we all?

We do need help. And there are two sets of people who can help us. The first one is one's parents. If a girl is brought up to be independent then she would believe in herself and really know that she can excel at work AND raise a family. I know of many women like this. If you are looking for role models, please let me know and I can introduce you to these fantastic ladies. The next person who plays a major role is the husband. Lean In mentions - "Date whomever you like, but when it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner—and that means doing half the work at home." I can't agree more with this. This is a very serious decision we have to take in our lives and I am so glad that this was perhaps the first thing I discussed with Arnab the moment "marriage" came up in our conversations. We did not talk about many things. Things which are pretty important in our lives now, like pets and hobbies...but the two things I made clear was that 1. I am going to work and career is super important to me and 2. I won't be that kind of a wife who toils in the kitchen after a full day at work so I would expect equal partnership from him. Oh Em Gee!!!! Wasn't I super wise at 24??

I should thank Arnab for being such an exemplary 50/50 partner. And, taking a step back I actually should be thankful to my in-laws for raising such a son. Would he be able to think like this if his parents did not have a positive way of thinking? If his mom did not teach him to do household chores, won't he automatically assume that his wife's place is in the kitchen?

Well, I wouldn't have this confidence in putting career first if I was not brought up like that. There's this LeanIn person, my dad, who is to be credited for this. From time immemorial till today the only thing he reminds me is "to be independent". He tells me all the time that economic independence is the first thing a person needs to live with dignity and that if you don't have a job, the society would invariably look down upon you (maybe unknowingly, but it would). Long back, I think I was not even 10 at that time, I was repeating something I heard from some elders about "if the husband makes enough money, why would the wife need to work?" To which he replied by, "then a girl who is a physics graduate would sit at home and cook dinner?" That was the mentality that was imbibed in me and I am so grateful for that. I was told that I have potential and I must (actually read that as M.U.S.T.) do the best I can. Initially it was about studies, now it is about work. There is a reason why I love work!

And there is another reason why I love work (not just this company, but work in general). For which I have to mention my managers and my team mates. It could be just my personality that is never shy to be assertive, but if the team was mean, I would never have the positive environment to work. Gender bias is there in the world, but I have not felt it. All the stuff I read in Lean In about work, never applies to me. In our field where women are grossly outnumbered by men, I never feel ill at ease. I have the atmosphere to discuss and challenge technical solutions, learn from mentors (yes, they are male mentors) and have always been encouraged by my managers (they are guys too) to go beyond the comfort zone and to take on challenging work where I have to push myself a notch higher.

Men and women, we are all in it together. Like new life cannot form until men and women come together, nothing new can come if 50% of the population is suppressed or is aloof. So, girls, reach out for help if you feel you are taking on much more than you can handle. And guys, remember, you can't be truly happy if she is not happy. Think about it...