Goddess Durga and the Bengali girl

There is a very famous Bengali poem called "আমরা" (We the Bengalis) by Satyendranath Dutta, which is also one of my very favorite poems where there's a line - দেবতারে মোরা আত্মীয় জানি, আকাশে প্রদীপ জ্বালি - we consider the gods as our relatives and light lamps for them. The most beloved of them should be our dear Goddess Durga. In a land of 330 million gods and goddesses, every part of India, or rather every household seem to have a favorite god. We worship them, pray to them, celebrate them, but for Durga the difference is that, we love her dearly and treat her like a daughter of the family.

If you know the mythology, it is pretty apparent that Durga was created out of energy to slay the buffalo-demon. This entire span of the puja is nothing but a battle, one of good over evil. Goddess Durga is a tough lady who defeated the demon whom all the other gods could not. She is not a daughter, wife or mother of anyone, she is just a collection of energy. Then how did she become the Bengali daughter?

This was the time when Bengali daughters could visit their home. Coming back to their parents, they would bring their children along. That is why Durga is accompanied by her four children. I used to wonder what are they doing in the battlefield? And if they did end up in the battlefield then why are they not fighting? This is the reason for it - they were added on later as part of a social system, not following the original guideline of the Sanskrit texts.

The only way for us to know the original story is to listen to the radio program of Mahisashuramardini (link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mahisasuramardini_(radio_programme)). I still don't understand many concepts of it, maybe they were so advanced that it's still very difficult to comprehend. I mean, how could you anyway create a person out of sheer energy? Arnab says they created instances like out of Java classes. Probably they did, who knows? And then what about having 18 arms, 16 arms and 10 arms? I have no clue. I like that story, but that powerful goddess is different from the "girl" that we know of.

Durga, or to be more precise Uma (another name of the goddess) is like I said, the dear Bengali girl who comes to visit her parents for five days every year from her in-laws' house in Kailash. Earlier, rich landlords hosted these festivals and the entire village would come to see it. Those people absolutely treated the goddess as a daughter. Their own daughters would come from their respective in-laws and so would the goddess. In some families they make the deity wear their daughters' golden jewelries. Some others feed the goddess and her kids the same food their own children eat. There have been multitudes of songs written where Durga's mother is heard lamenting how harshly her daughter is being treated at her in-laws and asking Himalaya (yes, the mountain range. He is Durga's father) to go bring her daughter. You might wonder how such a powerful goddess who defeated that demon could be ill treated at her in-laws, but that is where the Bengali society overrides Hindu mythology. Her mother is no one but the regular Bengali woman who eagerly waits for her daughter to come visit and weeps when it is time for her to go back. On the final day of the festival, the deities are given sweets to eat. Well, we actually put sweets in their mouths and also put sindur (the red powder married women put on their foreheads) on Durga and her two daughters, Lakshmi and Saraswati. This is the story of every household and of every married woman. To even the most happily married Bengali woman, coming back to her own house is a heavenly thing.

Of the things that are hard coded in every Indian girl's DNA is the sorrow of leaving home after her marriage. I had left home way before getting married and was totally on my own but have never thought of getting upset. However, on the day after my wedding when I was going to my in-laws I wept. There was practically no reason for that. I knew perfectly well that I was just going there for three days and will be back home and then back to Seattle. But as it was hard coded I could not change it. You can't reason with that either. The same story applies for going home during Durga Puja. I don't live at my in-laws house, I talk to my family almost everyday and I visit them for much longer period than the goddess does. But again the debug point hits the hard coded value... I feel homesick during this time of the year...

"Onward to immortality and eternal youth"

When we went to "Tomorrowland" at Disney Land and saw Microsoft surfaces (not the tablets, these were the coffee table kind of things they had prior to the handheld ones) we laughed and said, "that was made yesterday, why is it in Tomorrowland?" The thing is, being in the software industry there is nothing that really feels science fiction-ish for us. We know how those software are written, how buggy they may be, how they are tested and everything from an end to end perspective. But recently an almost 150 year old science fiction bowled me over, that too, reading the translated version of it. It is nothing other than 20,000 leagues under the sea by Jules Verne.

I love the ocean and the marine life. There is something so exciting about a whole world of animals and plants that live down in the water. After coming back from Hawaii, I decided that I should start studying about marine biology (I haven't yet, but this book gives me another reason to). It fascinates me at how little we know and how even less we care. This particular book showed me things about marine life and it also showed me that even though we are submerged in technology now and we are discarding things a little more than two years old, good literature, even after 150 years still stays as good literature. It was not that I haven't been in a submarine myself, it's not that I don't know the fundamentals of using a compass, reading a barometer or something like that, but even if those don't hold any surprise for me, the story did.

And did Captain Nemo!

What a strength of character! Technically speaking, he probably was not a very good person, at least he could have acted in nicer ways at times. He kept these people imprisoned, his existence was very revengeful, he sank ships whenever he felt threatened, he didn't forgive easily. But there is something about him which doesn't let me categorize him as someone bad. He had his share of grief. We don't know what it was which caused the deaths of everyone in his family - his parents, wife and children. It could be a war, it could be anything that the "civilized world" brings up as a necessary evil. But he decided to go against the human race totally. I don't really approve of that, but it can be reason enough for someone to turn away.

Then there was the adventure. The depth of water, innumerable creatures, dangers of sharks, giant squids (I hate the look of them), that was fascinating as well. With the adventure, I was ported back to my teenaged self with whom I thought I had lost touch :P

With more Jules Verne coming into my life soon I intend to move "onward to immortality and eternal youth".

My country

It was just a normal regular afternoon when I was writing test automation. Just now I renamed some packages and all the import statements were showing red squiggly lines under them. We don't like those squiggles so I was getting rid of them. There's no connection with the state of mind I was in to the caption of this article. Is it? Well, I was listening to our Independence Day flag hoisting clip on YouTube at that time. I don't remember watching the Independence Day flag hoisting ever, it's the Republic Day one that has more viewers, but with Narendra Modi as the new PM, I wanted to see what is special this time.

Firstly, the tune of "sangachadwam" got me interested. I have never heard it being played on military drums. But the thing that made me sit up straight was when the National Tricolor unfurled and immediately the Anthem started playing with gun salutes! So brilliant and so bold! Yes, bold. That was the adjective I thought of. Did I swell with pride? Of course I did. I am yet to find an Indian who would not jump up at that moment. It doesn't matter who I am or where I am located at this moment, I could well be in the outer space for all that matters. It's just that moment when you realize you are first an Indian and then everything else. Religion, language, society, financial status, nothing matters. It is at that time when you realize what Swami Vivekananda meant by "I am an Indian, every Indian is my brother." Say, "The ignorant Indian, the poor and destitute Indian, the Brahmin Indian, the Pariah Indian, is my brother."

I have traveled in India. Not a lot, but enough to get a general idea of my country. But I still wonder have I ever seen the real India? Probably not. The one which is far away from glittery shopping malls, designer wear, Bollywood or million dollar advertisement contracts. I hardly have an idea about that country. I can count three of my "India moments" right now. One was when I traveled in the general compartment in a train back from Darjeeling. Where people sat and lay on old newspaper spread on the compartment floor. 

The second one is quite ongoing. That is when I see my students at the orphanage over Skype. Their handed down clothes, bare feet, very minimal school stationery and in general a very rural lifestyle shows me what most of my countrymen are like. Families where sending their kids to school is a luxury, where having access to internet over modem is a dream come true. Last week those kids sang patriotic songs for me. As I was looking at them, I realized that they are the "future of our country" as people say. Their dreams and aspirations would be the path our country will take. If they learn to lead an honest life, we would have a whole population working by honest means. We will have to make sure that they get enough opportunities to bloom. 

The third moment was something very close to my heart. It was in the Himalayas, at the last village before India-Tibet border. I saw our National Flag flying high. All by itself, just a solitary flag. It did not have any language or expression like the human beings I mentioned before, but there was something in that lonely flag that made me wonder about my nation. It felt like a symbol of the motherland that we need to love and protect.

We don't really think of our country much. We probably don't have a "national feeling" because until the British came, there was nothing called "India", just a collection of states which always fought against one another. Our nationalism only shows during cricket matches and at the Wagah border. That is not going to help us. We need to start "doing something" instead of "saying things" and blaming each other or the government. Think of one thing you can practically do for India and stop procrastinating... just do that!

11110

There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand binary, and those who don't. If you fall into the "don't category" then let me just tell you, the title means 30 in decimal. That's because I turned 30 today.

I was asking myself, how does it feel to get into the third decade, but for some reason I couldn't sense anything different. I can still remember my second birthday party with ease. For that matter I remember all of my birthday cakes till date. I can still comfortably fit into a dungaree which I got in seventh grade and a top from eleventh grade and most importantly, my likes and dislikes have stayed the same. Other than learning some new things, I don't see myself changing.

The things that mattered to me, still does matter and the ones that didn't will never do. I am certain of that. I don't have any chances of spending money over designer clothes or a lot of cosmetics. Nor would I care for a sports car. However, the things that got instilled in me will stay there. Hopefully those are the virtuous things :) Another thing will be there, which is about making mistakes while calculating powers of 10. For some reason I can't manage to get rid of it.

I won't say I have a lot of past yet, but I see the past building up in my old journals or in nostalgic Facebook posts by my friends. However, there is a lot to dream about and a lot to make happen. There is one thing I should say that is getting different from my earlier years, that is I used to dream but now I am finding ways how to make those dreams work. They say, it takes as much effort to plan as to wish. I am using that time to plan.

There is so much to do and so little time in the human life. So much to know, so much to experience. Only one thing got checked off my bucket list so far. I will have to work through the rest. Building dreams and planning the way to reach them. And on the way I get to meet people, learn to do new things, gain experiences and cherish the good stuff!

Rain....

There are many good things of having an active imagination. The most important of them is that space and time cannot contain you. You can mentally float away anywhere and during any time. I don't know if this is my genes or a result of gorging books, maybe a combination of both, but I like to dream of different places and imagine how life would be if I stayed there.

When it rains, Bengalis, irrespective of their current geological location, start craving khichuri and ilish machh. As a Seattlelite, I should by now be placidly indifferent to the rains but as we had a really hot and dry spell for the last couple of weeks waking up to dark cloudy skies and heavy rain (not that irritating Seattle drizzle) actually made me feel very good this morning. The good thing was that I was to work from home today so I had enough time to space my work out and to cook khichuri during lunch. The ilish I had to do after logging off from work though, as it is quite a delicate dish and that I had to clean the fish.

Rainy season in Bengal is beautiful. Dark gray clouds cover the sky and they look especially awe inspiring over the rivers. Accompanied by thunderstorms heavy rain lashes down, coconut trees bow down and stand up, the wind howls through bamboo bushes. Farmers anticipate a good crop and fishermen bring us our favorite silver colored ilish, the heavenly fish.

Monsoon in Calcutta reminds me of a bunch of things, some of them may not be nice, like waterlogged streets, pot holes, mosquitos bearing malaria... but looking back I don't think of them as bad things. Well the malaria part is not funny, but with mosquitos, Calcuttans have a love-hate relationship. We also haves jokes about them :) Anyway, we used to get khichuri and ilish and also a very famous kind of mango during this season. That is the monsoon I personally know of. Those waterlogged streets are much closer to me than the rain over rice fields.

However, as I love my roots and I always feel a connection to Bengal through books, poems, songs and of course food, I want to keep on cooking the traditional food as much as I can. Today I made ilish with mustard paste and coconut milk. It turned out very well.... now I am dreaming of the torrential rains while listening to rainy days Rabindrasangeet :)

Public speaking

I would start by ranting against the ill feeling towards extroverts. Look up things about introverts and extroverts online and you'll see how everyone tries to say introverts make better leaders, better speakers...etc. I would NEVER say introverts make better speakers. I have seen them speak, they sweat, they forget words, they become silent and their body language is horrible. I am not saying extroverts are always good at public speaking, they need to learn and prepare, but as they "enjoy" being with people and they "enjoy" the attention, they feel much more comfortable in a large group. If introverts always made good speakers, there would be no need of the tons and tons of articles to "help" them overcome the shyness.

I love public speaking. I think I radiate a glow when I speak to a group. I did not know this happens because I am an extrovert, but I realized that I love the attention of a whole group of people. When I walk to a stage, or behind a podium and look in front of me, I have a warm fuzzy feeling inside. I feel like I have so much to say and so much to impact. It can be the "I" thing in me, which I admit might not be a good thing, but it is there and it motivates me. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't prepare my speeches, I do. I write them quite a few days before my presentation, read them over and over again, get other people to proofread, make notes and check the time. But I never go up to the stage with my notes. NEVER! It spoils the impression. I have slides if needed, but never any notes. I trust my memory and I know the guidelines, that's all I ever need.

I have recently joined ToastMasters' club at work and I just completed my fourth speech today. I was told that the topics I chose show my passion and it also is very much apparent that I love to speak. I love this audience as well. I see them listening with serious attention, they smile, have constant eye-contact, laugh when I say something funny and in general the whole atmosphere is very positive. It is easy to speak in these situations, people are willing to listen to you. Things were not this pleasant all the time. There have been incidents where I was not encouraged to speak, well to ask questions to be specific, but of course those people couldn't stop me! (bwahahahaha - evil laugh)

Once was a seminar we went to from school. The thing was going on very smoothly until a religious debate sort of thing got in. One lady was saying that the minority is treated in a horrific way in India, to which I had to get up and protest. My points were that most of the minority still doesn't consider India to be their homeland and I went back in history of 1906 when the Muslim League was created till the Partition. I also brought up that under an able leader like Netaji, religious issues never cropped up. It comes up only when political leaders fan those flames to separate us instead of unite. Then I ended with an open question - why do we need to have a seminar on this topic after fifty five years of India's independence? Nobody could answer. People applauded, some got real mad at me, one lady started crying... it was a mess. But I loved that thing. That mess and the failure to answer was worth more that all the applause because it told me that I hit the nail on the head.

The second incident was tougher. That was challenging a so-called eminent speaker at his own house on a very sensitive political issue. It can be called a conspiracy theory in India. That is about Netaji and the person I had this fight with is Netaji's descendant. They didn't ask me for my opinion, and I anyway was a second year student in college at that time, but I pushed my way forward and asked them why exactly they are coming to this specific conclusion when all the evidence proves the opposite. They did not have any answer, they were tongue tied. The best part was the audience cheering. I didn't expect that to happen so I was a little shocked, but when an elderly gentleman encouraged me by saying "carry on young lady" I realized that not many people would have the courage to say these things. What I just said was not very common. Later I thought that the whole incident of speaking up for Netaji, a hero I admire standing at his own house is probably a thing I would remember fondly all my life. Netaji sacrificed his entire life for us, maybe I could just do this much for him?

Indian Railways

A constant but very pleasant white noise along with a rocking motion, random people passing by the common corridor most of them being "one of the general mass", vendors, each with their special call selling tea, coffee, unhealthy but very tasty snacks, a strange smell of the bed-roll and me sitting on the top berth and watching everything from there... that is what I remember when I think of "trains" a synonym for the Indian Railways.

Covering thousands of kilometers across the country, railways is probably the only thing that can "mobilize the mass" in its truest sense. How else would the common Indian travel across the country? How else would I ever see villages, rivers, acres and acres of farmlands? Where would I meet the actual India? The India that is far away from the glitter of IT jobs, the one that is never portrayed in Bollywood movies, the one nation you can see if you travel without reservation in a second class compartment. Those people who spread old newspapers and sit on the floor, they bring food from home, they travel with a lot of luggage but they won't mind saving a spot for you if you step out for a moment, they will look after your belongings too and like the old woman on the train to Shimla, a local person from the village would ask over and over again how you are liking the place.

I love the Indian Railways.

Source: Wikipedia

Long back, when the British were laying a foundation of their Empire in India, the railways was one of the reasons people from different parts of the wide country met. As they started learning English (another good thing of the British rule that I have to admit) they could communicate with their fellow countrymen who spoke different languages. They found out that the common problem is the British all over the country. They came out of their own tiny worlds and got a broader perspective of where they belonged in the nation. Now the Indian Railways is the world's ninth largest employer.

Over the years things changed, but I still believe if you want to see India, you have to undertake a long train journey. A person once mentioned that he traveled from Delhi to Bangalore and how he realized the diversity of India. As they went south, he said the tea vendors were slowly replaced by coffee vendors, common people from the villages were not wearing churidars, but wearing dhotis. The terrain changed, the climate changed... that was amazing.

There were two long journeys that I took,  to Delhi and to Kalka (higher up north from Delhi) from Calcutta. The ones to Kalka involved two straight days of journey and it was in summer when the carriages heat up real bad. And no, we were not traveling in AC compartments. Those were for the "rich people", we were supposed to "learn to endure" the heat. It was hot, yes extremely hot but my memories of that journey is very pleasant. Those journeys were the times to play indoor games with other kids, they may be from our own party or maybe not, could be just random kids from the next coupe. We would share food with other families, especially the other kids. For those few days people sharing the coupe or even people from nearby coupes became like family. I remember an older lady could not start eating her dinner because I was still awaiting mine. She said, "how can we start eating when that kid hasn't got her food yet." For the more introvert types, those long journeys were the time to read. I remember my brother climbing up to the top berth and reading a book all day. For the thoughtful ones, they could just sit next to a window and look out. I think that is the best part of traveling by train. Villages, small temples, rivers (yes I remember the junction of Ganga and Yamuna seen from the train), level crossings all zoom by. You can see farmers working, villagers going to rural markets, little kids waving at passengers from a passing train....

And I need to mention the stations. There are big junctions which are crazy crowded and then there are tiny village stations, homely and rural. Sometimes you would get down to quickly get a cup of tea, sometimes you'd fill your bottle with water, or get something to eat. Those are experiences which can't really be explained but need to be felt :)

The thing I don't like in the trains are the bathrooms. I have heard that originally there were no bathrooms at all. Then one man wrote a letter (in hilarious English) which made the authorities to consider his proposal. Anyway, the ones we have now are ones which sometimes make me wonder at times if the no bathroom model would have been more hygienic. Anyway, I am not going to discuss those gross things here.

I don't know if I would have enough time to afford to have a train journey sometime when I visit India, but the one that will remain in my memory consists of watching the sun rise from the train window, feeling a nice breeze, having coffee in minuscule cups, eating food from a strange square shaped plate with in built bowls, chatting with co-passengers and finding the real India!

Note: I am reading in the news that a makeover is coming up for the railways, which includes cleaner bathrooms, hygienic kitchens, cleaner sheets and blankets and better quality food. I do hope they work on it fast because I so want to see the lifeline of our country prosper.