On being a teacher

When I first came to know the thing about having an ambition in life, my first choice was that of a teacher. I had my own blackboard where I'd write the alphabet and teach my stuffed animals. I used to have an attendance register and would call out their names before starting to teach. I realize why. In that age (I am talking 4-6 years range) of course we stood in awe of the teachers in school. They were the all powerful beings in our small worlds and so I wanted to be like them.

Gradually that faded out and more serious career options came in to my life, that of being a scientist or astrophysicist. A teacher sounded so boring compared to them. I threw that old silly ambition out of my mind. Then things started to be more practical and I realized just a liking of astronomy is not enough to become an astrophysicist. I'd never have that dedication and it would require a huge amount of effort on my side to master the super difficult scientific problems of astronomy. I took a Coursera class last year on astronomy and believe me, so far it has been the toughest subject I ever tried to learn. Computer programming comes nowhere near it! Glad I never attempted to make a career out of it, that would have been devastating. Anyway, I finally settled down to a more practical career and I intend to continue this. But, life is full of surprises.

I don't really think that Bollywood movie dialogues can be quoted, but here is one that I should. In "Jab we met", when the guy was regretting that he could never be a musician anymore, Kareena reminded him that his life is not over and he is sounding as though he is already dead. That is true. Unless your life is actually over, you can't really say that oh I cannot do this anymore. Of course you can! And opportunities don't come if you are not interested, they don't fall onto your lap. You should be the one seeking it.

I was looking for volunteer options online when this one - to teach English to kids in rural Bengal struck me. I always think of "how would I find the time to do this" when I attempt something new, but here I told myself I will have to find some time. This is important. I applied for the position and got it. That was the easy part. Difficulties started AFTER that.

First was communication! They only understand Bengali, so I had to work with them to set up Skype. That took three weeks. Then was talking over Skype. That took like two days to be able to see and hear each other. Then started the actual class. The first day I took their attendance I thought of my first students - Heffa Lump, Goldie, Whitie, Brother, Winnie...it's just the same! Now the classes are going on for a month and at first even though I was appalled at their grammar the reality is slowly seeping in me. They are orphans from rural Bengal. I can't expect them to know their tenses and their spellings. It is just not possible. I have a lot to work on and so do they. I don't expect all of them to learn fluent English in probably their entire lives, neither do I expect them to write elaborate essays. All I am targeting for these kids to grow up with confidence and for that they need to know how to think, read, speak and write simple English (with correct spelling and grammar) and make the process as fun and enjoyable as I can.

What am I gaining in the process? I guess this question would always come up in any volunteer opportunity you take. What I am gaining is satisfaction. And with it experience! Some young kids halfway across the world who were writing really bad English are slowly, very slowly picking up the right grammar. They are enjoying conversations with me, telling me about their lives, what they like to eat, how they play football in the mud, even inviting me to come stay with them. These are the big things in life. The satisfaction when I see one correct sentence in their homework, when they excitedly raise their hands to answer in class or some particular student would write some more essays just to show that she loves English gives me the confidence to push them forward.

The road is long and there are so many miles to cover before I sleep!

Bon appetit!

Contradictory to what they say about girls from the old land of Jessore (now in Bangladesh) to be good cooks, I never thought cooking to be a big deal while growing up. Yes, I had issues with the daily food that was served and sometimes got tired of the plates and bowls for apparently no reason other than maybe my teenage and wanted to cook something different, but mostly the kitchen stayed outside my world.

Cooking at my dorm was just out of the very old fact that I had to eat to survive. That was the main reason. I looked up recipes online but didn't have ninety percent of the ingredients and what was mainly lacking was time. On most days I had to cook when I was already hungry and I just plain hated it. No wonder why students survive on instant noodles and coffee.

I actually started to like cooking after getting married. That was the time when I realized that I can have my own setup in the kitchen and on the dinner table. Don't underestimate this feeling ladies, this is a big thing. I can cook whatever I want to and can serve it as nicely as possible, maybe put flowers or candles to decorate the table as well. No one will ask me why I am wasting my time over these even if the reason for doing all these on a random day may be that "I just wanted to, that's why!" So began my cooking expeditions.

There have been a lot of good things in marrying Arnab. One of them is that he loves to eat all sorts of food. It's not that he would only like Bengali food and nothing other than that. So I have full freedom in the kitchen. But then who taught me to cook? Here is the fun part... Julia Child and Leela Majumder....two ladies from two different parts of the world and completely different backgrounds and most importantly I have never met either of them. But through their cookbooks they have inspired me and have made me try my hand at French delicacies and traditional Bengali fares with the same enthusiasm. I can't pronounce the names of most of Julia Child's recipes (that's another reason why I'm learning French) and even though Leela Majumder's recipes are about Bengali food, but some of them are from East Bengal and as a result I have no idea of how they should taste or look like. So both of them are challenging in their own way.

The world of cooking is a great one. To cook a good meal gives you a confidence and puts you close to being an artist. It has the same joy of creation. For me, while cooking koi-machher Ganga Jamuna, I can flip the fishes correctly into a different sauce I feel that. Same when hollandaise sauce does not curdle or a chocolate cake has the correct amount of sweetness. It is a great feeling, kind of like when you hit a ball with the center of a cricket bat!

I am glad that I found the right mentors to follow in this endeavor. Leela Majumder herself was exposed to the western style of cooking and western dishes so she could very well explain and compare those in her book and Julia Child of course had the "serventless" housewives in mind. So both work very well for me :) Also I like their styles of cooking. I have read many recipes for Bengali food in books, newspapers and the like but I never liked those. Most of them tell you to put a bunch of spices which in my opinion should clash in their flavorings. Also, some people unnecessarily try to be creative. I don't see any reason why ilish should be cooked with yogurt or onion-garlic and mustard paste should be added together in some dish! I think people have done those to western food as well, but as I don't have much experience with traditional European food, I can't comment on those.

Anyway, so here I am trying out my somewhat new hobby of cooking... and learning to find my way in this big and so far not much explored world of cuisines. It could be the genes I got passed down from my grand mom (on my mom's side who was a great cook) or could be that girls from Jessore anyway love to cook. Time and place changes but the characteristics probably live on...

On quality of life

Yesterday when the Seahawks won, I was really happy. This time I actually followed a football game, understood quite a bit of it, at least enough to know what was going on and cheered for my "home team". (The other time being the Seahawks game against the 49ers two weeks back.) If I thought about it even a few years back, I wouldn't believe that one day I'd download the NFL app on my BB. NFL?? Really?? But I did that just yesterday and I liked the game. What a change for a cricket fan! 

I sometimes think about the life I am leading and try to figure out the comforts and the challenges. When we go to visit Calcutta, there are some people who tell me to "come back to India" for good. Some people have asked my parents why they let their only child to go off to a place half across the world and there are some who are certain that all those people who settle abroad are selfish hypocrites. Anything you mention about India that you don't like and you'll be surely bombarded with "why don't you come back and fix the problem instead of complaining from your plush life?" I wonder if more than a billion people already residing in a country can't fix a problem what big of a difference can one more person make? Or they pull up statistics showing how bad the society where you are living is.

It is true that almost every person who has settled abroad has done that because of a better life. Recently I was having an argument on Facebook where someone was probably trying to tell me that his life is better than those living abroad because he is at home, he gets to meet all his friends over the weekend and goes to work in some air conditioned buses or something like that. And I think he also wanted to say that immigrants like me are slaving their lives just for money. I am not exactly sure about his comments because I had a hard time understanding it. This whole thing came up because of a blog post where the author was explaining why is it good to stick to home.

I wouldn't say this guy (with whom I was arguing) is not right. It all depends on how you see life. If you are glad to remain in your comfort zone and all you ever want is the regularity of the life you have been living for the last two or three decades then yes, stay at home. Right with the same set of people you know almost from birth. There would be hardly any variations and you'll be happy. I personally know quite a few people who are so lost in the US. They don't travel, don't want to meet people, not even neighbors. They cook the food they have been cooking forever and only meet those few people who speak the same language. If you are like that, then stay home where you will be at least leading a normal life. If you settle abroad and then all you do is feel miserable because you can't get your traditional food, then don't. Some people live like that for ages, complaining about everything in the new society, yet living there. 

Even though I didn't know about any of these people, nor did I have a plan about what exactly I'd want to do when I was coming here, I think I did a great job by migrating. Now I am getting to do a lot of stuff that I never really thought I could. I don't think I could do any of my volunteer work from India even if I managed to find time after working in the sweat shops called IT companies. Of course I just thought about myself when I came here, about my degree and the step right after, either a PhD or finding a job. Even now, my main focus is definitely to lead a comfortable life, for which I'd need a good job, I'll have to maintain the house and do all the practical things a normal person should. But that is not all. That is where "quality of life" matters. For that I need my three babies healthy and happy as ever, the birds that I feed, my tiny patch of garden, travels, hikes near Mt. Rainier, my colorful stash of yarns, Julia Child's cookbook, supportive co-workers, the security of a safe neighborhood, emergency services that I can depend on, honest and friendly people around and the clear blue sky that I look up to while relaxing on my hammock.

There is so much to do, so many places to see and so many things to experience... I don't want to waste my time...

Yay for extroverts

I came across a test to find out if a person is extrovert or introvert. I didn't take the test for that reason, I took to see how much extrovert I was. As expected, it said I am 89% extrovert. I don't think anyone should be surprised.

This world favors introverts. Just look up on Google and you'll see tons of articles favoring introverts. They talk about how introverts can be good leaders, how introvert bosses are better, how an introvert can learn to cope with an extrovert partner, how to fairly treat shy kids. A blogger mentioned, introverts are treated like "glass babies" but there's no mention of help for extroverts. We are the loud ones, the bullies, the dominating people, the ones who would try to lead at all times so why care to write about us?

It's wrong.

Extroverts, especially when they are kids and don't know the reason of their actions, can also be mistreated and made to feel bad. A kid doesn't know that it is the extroversion that is making him talk too much or try to jump up and greet a shy friend. So scolding him wouldn't really make anything better, on the contrary it makes the kid lose his normal happy self. As an over enthusiast person, I know this very well. In school, decades back, I was continuously told to stop talking. It was distracting to the other students. Really? I don't think so. I think they were bored too, but they lacked the mindset to do something. So they just sat there without doing anything, whereas the extroverts got ready to amuse themselves. I generally get excited too much and too often, but I was told to "calm down" millions of times by millions of people. Why? I don't know. I was told about various classmates and asked, why I could not be as serious as them. And of course, the famous faux pas of extroverts is something I followed almost my entire life. Blurting out something and then realizing that it was wrong. A girl who talks too much and is too loud, who is very opinionated and speaks up is still not considered to be good. 

Can you imagine a world without extroverts? That would be a bunch of people living in their own bubbles, hardly ever speaking to one another. There would be no supply of enthusiasm, of happy cheer, of going out of your own comfort zone and making new friends... I would so not want to live there. There would be no leaders and mind it, trying to dominate is not always a bad thing. If you are right and you need to mold many people to follow you, you must be able to override them. You must have people following you. Look at the famous extroverts in the world - Abraham Lincoln, Nelson Mandela, MLK Jr., Margaret Thatcher, Steve Jobs. I am not saying there aren't famous introverts. One of my very favorite people in the current world, Bill Gates is an introvert. But what I am trying to say is the qualities in extroverts which are looked down upon as dominating, bullying, too loud, etc are not necessarily that bad. Those are needed too.

If I was given an option, I would still want to choose to be an extrovert. Why do I love being an extrovert?

1. You think about something/someone, you say that aloud and be done with it. Others would also know what exactly you mean.

2. Speak up and solve problems. Kind of related to the previous one. We ask questions, reach out to people and in turn get ourselves out of the sticky situations.

3. Meet and greet. I love to meet new people and know them. And is there any way to know about people without talking to them?

4. We are the BOLD ones! And I love being bold.

5. I'm biased towards bright chirpy kids. The ones that raise their hands to answer questions in class are most likely to volunteer for different things in their later lives. 

6. Like I said, I am a little over enthusiastic about stuff but that gives me an option to try out new things for myself. Sometimes that helps others too.

That said, let's end this with a funny thing.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/jessicamisener/frustrating-things-about-being-an-extrovert

On being healthy

There was a time when I used to be chubby, but from when I can remember I am skinny and petite. Once I gained some weight after eating junk food and couldn't fit into my jeans. The very fact that I could have gained weight never occurred to me and I was wondering why I am feeling so uncomfortable today! Later I found out what the cause is...anyway, the thing I am trying to say is I had never been anywhere near fat in my entire life.

I see being overweight is a serious problem nowadays. People from around the world may not be obese as people from here, but there are still many unhealthy overweight people all over and many of them are quite young. What I can't understand is people don't gain 50 lbs overnight, then why don't they stop themselves or check their lifestyle when they start to see the scale tipping over 5 or 10 lbs? I read in magazines and of course all over the Internet "tricks" to lose weight. I wonder if you can really find a "trick" when what you need is discipline and sheer hard work! 

There is another side of it too. I saw a meme on Facebook where it shows a cute little girl eating ice cream and it says - "Eat whatever you want and if someone tries to lecture you about your weight, eat them too!" I don't really find it funny. I had another discussion with a friend who posted an article on "fat girls" which was trying to say - "if you are fat, don't worry about your looks. It's fine to stay fat." Seriously? Well, I am not saying if you are overweight or underweight you should feel bad or have a negative body image which ruins your self confidence. No, but you still need to be aware of what's wrong. And the first thing is how you look. We have to admit it. If you are excessively over or under weight, you can't look good. Instead of feeling negative, that should be taken as a cue to fix the problem. Another thing is, if you don't neglect the fact that your pants are getting tighter, you might be able to restrict your weight gain which in the long run might save you from heart disease. I mean we all know how serious obesity can be. Instead of thinking happiness is more important than being fit and gorging on junk food, people should remember that when the diseases set in, you won't stay much happy. 

On the other hand, if you are healthy but just a little chubby, there is NO reason to fast yourself to death. All those anorexic models don't look good at all. Those rickety models walking on the ramp look sickly. A healthy body will automatically have a glowing skin and silky hair. Our skins and hair don't dwell OUTSIDE our bodies. People genetically have a structure that can't really be altered. Like for me, however much I eat, I won't ever get fat. I'll gain a few pounds, but very slowly. So there is no reason why anyone would want to reverse the natural tendency. 

I did think that sleeping for 10 more minutes was more important than having breakfast. Yes, I did, for a while. But now I know it is not. I am not sleeping less, I am just going to bed a little early and then waking up at a time when I can still have a normal breakfast. I am not saying that I am the model of good exercising habits, I still find it hard to go to the gym after a full day of work (especially when it gets dark early in fall-winter), I plan to go to yoga class but haven't finally made it yet. There are many more things that I need to do, but that doesn't mean I will close my eyes at the problems and keep on living an unhealthy life just because it gives me a short term comfort.

Fragile little princesses

There is an article making its rounds all over the Internet. I don't know who wrote it first as I don't see any names, but it is supposed to be highly emotional and it is being commented like that too. Here is the text of the article -

"I thought I would start my speech by addressing you as the “new” family of my daughter. But I think it would be inappropriate because now that she is married, you are “the family” for her. Believe me; I don’t have a problem with that. I, in fact, want my daughter to have “you” as her priority now. Its time for us to take a backseat in her life. We would happily accept it but would surely request one thing- please keep her happy!

I am more than sure that you will keep her very happy. She will perhaps be happier than what she used to be here. But like all fathers, I obsess over my daughter’s happiness which is making me say this over and over again- please keep her happy!

She never was and will never be a burden for me. She is in fact the reason why I breathe and smile. I am getting her married because this is what the law of nature demands. I am helpless in the face of our culture and therefore sending her to your home. She was the happiness of my home and will now light up your home. I am giving my world to you. Please make sure it remains beautiful. I am giving away my princess to you. Please make sure she stays as a queen. I have raised her with my sweat and blood and now she is wonderfully perfect. For all the care, love, beauty and warmth my daughter will bring into your lives, I just want her happiness in return—please keep her happy!

If at times you think that my daughter has said or done something wrong, feel free to scold her. But handle her with love. She is very fragile. If at times she feels low, be with her. She just needs a little bit of your attention. If at times she feels sick, show her some care. It’s the medicine that works best for her. If at times she fails to fulfill a responsibility, feel free to chastise her. But empathize with her. She is still learning. Do understand her—please keep her happy!

I don’t mind if I don’t get to see her for months. I don’t mind if I am not able to talk to her on a daily basis. I would be more than happy if she doesn’t remember me much. But, my only motive in life has been my daughter’s happiness which is now in your hands. I beg you, please keep her happy."

This article doesn't make me emotional, it just drives me mad. Is *this* what a father has to say at his daughter's wedding? To plead his son-in-law, to beg this guy to keep his daughter happy? That means his daughter's happiness only thrives on how she will be treated by her husband and in-laws? How horrible! Also, look at the adjectives he uses for his daughter - fragile, princess, beautiful... never does he say anything about her being smart, confident or independent. It seems like he is "marrying off" the girl because that is what the society demands and there is no mention of the young couple's wishes. They are not getting married because they love each other and want to spend their lives together. They are getting married because that is the societal norm! Ridiculous! This father is giving his son-in-law full power to "chastise" the girl. My God! I don't want to get in to what chastise might mean. I hope it doesn't mean that he has permission to beat his wife too. It seems also fine to the father if his daughter whom he seemed to have brought up in a sheltered way doesn't remember him or visit him that often. Sad... that's what I can say... sad.

There are two things that are bothering me. Firstly, the father seems to be one who brought up his girl like a dependent being. He is never telling the couple to figure out among themselves how they should treat each other, he is specifically telling the son-in-law how he should treat the girl. It also looks like the father doesn't have much confidence in the girl's abilities. She is a fragile being, not much capable of doing stuff so she should be kept happy and sheltered. That's what transpires from this message. Is this the way fathers are bringing up their daughters even nowadays?

The second reason of me being bothered is the applause this article is fetching. Everyone seem to be getting reduced to tears. Really? That means this is what the population still wants to see its daughters as -  damsels in distress!

Looks like we still have a long way to wait for that day when parents will be proud of their daughters who can confidently hold their heads high and who will enter into marriage as equal partners and not dependent on the pity of her husband or in-laws.  

Before we start having emancipated women, we should have emancipated parents. If a girl is brought up with a mentality of serving her in-laws to be happy while sacrificing her entire being, how can we expect her to stand up for herself? And what would she teach her kids later in life?

The Night Sky

I am not a humble person. I know what I am - my merits and my drawbacks - and I don't consider humility to be a virtue. It is as bad to put oneself in an inferior position relative to others as it is to feel superior. But there is one thing that fills me with awe and instills in me humbleness, that is the night sky.

I don't know if there is anything more fascinating than the night sky. Possibly because it is "out of the Earth" that is why it fills us with wonder. From time immemorial, the stars and the moon have been there as a companion to humankind. The cave dwellers would sit outside at night and look up to the skies. They'd imagine patterns in the stars and think they can see animals - lion, dogs, bears. "The legends of Greece and Rome" was one of my favorite books as a kid and I read stories about a mama bear and her cub who are Ursa Major and Ursa Minor, about the heroes Hercules and Perseus, stories of Andromeda, her parents the queen Cassiopeia and king Cepheus....they are all in the sky and there are the stories that say why they are there. Our own Indian mythology also has the exact same constellations, but of course with different names. It must be that there was a central hub where the stories got told first and then they branched with the nomadic tribes, one who crossed the Himalayas and came to India and the other going towards Europe.

On one hand the stars fire up our imagination and on the other it challenges us to the problems of physics. All the ancient scientists and mathematicians had found the night sky to be a wealth of knowledge. Why do some "stars" wander while others stay still? Why are some constellations visible all throughout the year while some others rise and set? Why do the Sun and the Moon rise and set at different times? These questions have been intriguing and the answers to them can be found in astronomy.

My journey in astronomy started very early, when I was six. I think that was one thing I started liking quite naturally...without anyone telling me about it much. I read picture books, looked at pictures of the solar system and of the moon...I liked the planets but the stars were much more interesting. When I was around twelve, our daily newspaper started a column about astronomy every week. They would feature a star and write about its specialty. I started collecting those and pasting them to my scrapbook. Later I expanded those to not just include stars, but anything from the space. I covered the Leonid Meteor showers of 1998 in great details, actually writing an article for my scrapbook. Slowly friends and family got interested and they gave me interesting newspaper clippings to file too.

By the time I was in college, I knew a lot about the constellations that I could see from the smoggy skies of Calcutta, added to which was light pollution and high rise buildings. For the entire part of my life at home, I never for once had seen the North Star because our dear old neighborhood hospital hid it completely from my view. My mom tried to show me Orion's belt and the big dipper, but as I didn't wear glasses at that time, I couldn't see any of those stars. My mentor Devakalpa-da was practically my first teacher of astronomy. He showed me the constellations, explained what the pointer stars are and gave me a wealth of information about the stars, their names, the colors, if there are binary stars, what is the significance behind the summer and winter triangles...even now when I look up to the stars I remember those all. My uncle Kakabhai was another person with whom I'd stargaze. With my tiny binocular, we would go up to the terrace on summer evenings and try to find comets (I remember Hale-Bopp visible right beside the nursing home walls) and UFOs and figure out many mysteries of the outer space. I wonder at Kakabhai's patience at times. To hear me talk at length can really be an ordeal at times, but he never complained and actually listened to my crazy stories (I remember making up a story at run time while building a sand castle and telling him that while he was gardening and he was truly following the story, asking questions and all) and later my science lectures with the same interest. Probably it is my most favorite subject but I never had any chance to have a formal lesson. So is the structure of our coursework! Without the formal lessons I had no idea about the differences between right ascension and declination and didn't know why a synodial day differs from a sidereal day!

Thanks to free knowledge, I did enroll in a college level introductory astronomy course last year. When full fledged mathematics gets in stargazing, the subject becomes super difficult but most fascinating. I have never much seen more difficult mathematical problems, but I have never seen anything that makes more sense either. Once you blend the authenticity of mathematics with the heavenly bodies, you'll see how simple it becomes to explain the Sun's behavior, rising and setting of stars and even behavior of comets. After all it's always been humans who deduced everything!

I have again started to brush up on my astronomy skills. I borrowed a book from our local library and have been calculating the Sun's motion yesterday. My new astronomy buddy is Arnab and armed with a stargazing app on his phone, I am still continuing my after dinner night sky watch.