There might be some article on marriages, yes not weddings, but I haven't seen them, so I wanted to write one of my own. Like everything, the concept of a marriage has changed a lot over the ages and the transformation has been great over the last half century or so. I would concentrate on the Bengali ones, but I guess those are pretty much similar to the ones all over India.
In the 1800s, girls were married off when they were little kids and their husbands would be in their early to mid teens. As they were so little, girls would keep on living at her father's house for some more years, until she becomes of child bearing age, that would be her early teens though. Those marriages would involve a middle man, or woman, who would bring information of prospective brides and grooms. Then caste and astrological matches were calculated, with that the basic things of if the girl is pretty or if the groom's father has say a lot of land would be looked into. The bride and the groom would never ever see one another. In most cases their parents would not see their prospective spouses either until the very day of wedding.
Later, with boys getting more educated and some of them moving out into the cities for higher education, they started complaining about early marriages. As a result, the age of boys went up significantly from teenage to early twenties. Conservative families still didn't like this and even though some families encouraged their sons to go see their would-be spouses, many other families totally rejected that idea. In the stories of Rabindranath, we see these young men who would at times go with their guy friends to see the brides. Some of these men who were open to western education didn't want to get married to child brides. Even with a wide age difference of ten years or more, they wanted a little older girls. Especially for families in Calcutta, school educated brides slowly became common. Those girls would be able to read and write Bengali, they read story books and were proficient in writing letters. In the famous novel "Prothom pratishruti" that was the kind of daughter-in-law Satyabati wanted.
With the onset of Brahmoism, a class of Bengalis became extremely well educated and shun the rigid orthodoxy. Here I am talking about late 1800s to early to mid 1900s. It was the time when Bengal Renaissance lit up the entire society and people gained that consciousness to question what is right and what is wrong. Even though all these were arranged marriages, that is the family decided on the match, both the brides and grooms were allowed to meet one another before the wedding. There might be a few "love marriages" in those days, of people inspired by the British, but those were negligible.
From the mid 1900s, love marriages increased in count. Also, in some of those marriages, the spouses were from different castes and backgrounds, which in those days were small revolutions I'd say! However, in most of these cases, the common trend was the new bride would move in with her in-laws. Even though educated, she still would not have a career. There were some women who were teachers, but mostly they would leave their jobs, if at all they had any, after marriage. Some men who were working out of the city would take their wives along, but generally people stayed with their families in their ancestral homes.
In the later part of 1900s, say in around the 60s, a new trend grew among the well educated community. Then young men started to leave the country and settle abroad. Before, there were barristers, engineers and doctors who would go to study in Britain, but they came back after completing their studies. This new generation did not come back. They were the first instances of brain drain. They took their wives with them to the USA and had their kids there. They would come once a year or so to visit, but that was all. These wives in most cases found a career abroad and they were the ones who had their "own home" outside that of their parents and in-laws.
The concept of nuclear families became more apparent and normal families started to be called as "joint families". People moved out of their ancestral homes, partly because those old houses became too much to maintain and flats were easier to maintain and gave a sense of independence as well. From the 70s, women were working as well in many families and so they wanted to have a different set up and not tow the lines of their mums-in-law. The concept of marriage went through a lot of change. These young women were married in their early twenties. By that time they completed their graduation and some even studied for post-graduation after getting married. If they were working, they wouldn't give up their jobs just because they are married now and the families realized that another source of income is always welcome. Also, families started having lesser number of kids, so parents didn't really worry about marrying off their daughters at an early age.
When we were growing up, parents did not want us to get married before settling into a job or securing our studies well into completion. In our generation, even for arranged marriages, these young people were not just allowed, but encouraged to go out together, watch movies, eat out so as to know one another better before marriage. This is a very big step. Also, nowadays there are at most two kids in the family, in many cases just one. So girls are getting similar encouragement for studies, extra curricular activities and career guidance. When marriages are arranged by parents, the only difference is that the bride and groom are introduced to one another by the family instead of they themselves taking that step.
Expectations have also changed a lot over the ages. From the time where wives were supposed to cover their heads all the time and not speak in front of elders, nowadays girls comfortably wear western clothes at their in-laws place and continue to have a normal life without any restrictions. Many people have their own setup even when they live in the same city. Living in a different apartment doesn't mean that they are not on good terms with their parents or in-laws. It is just a comfortable distance.
With people debating about the differences of love marriage and arranged marriage and about women's lib in our current society, I'd end this article with a funny story. This is from Leela Majumder's story, I am just translating. Long back in the late 1800s, a very emancipated family decided to let their daughter see her prospective husband and then the girl and her would-be husband can choose to proceed with the match or not. An extremely bold step in those days. Everything was planned and this family went on a picnic to the zoo where the young man would come with his friends. The men walked round the place where the girl was sitting, she really liked the young man and gave her approval when asked. Later, on the wedding evening she found out that he was not the guy whom she liked! No one specifically told her which one among the group of guys was her future husband!! Well, but at that time she was already married and she didn't complain about it. They lived happily married for sixty long years...it is for a reason they say marriages are made in heaven!
In the 1800s, girls were married off when they were little kids and their husbands would be in their early to mid teens. As they were so little, girls would keep on living at her father's house for some more years, until she becomes of child bearing age, that would be her early teens though. Those marriages would involve a middle man, or woman, who would bring information of prospective brides and grooms. Then caste and astrological matches were calculated, with that the basic things of if the girl is pretty or if the groom's father has say a lot of land would be looked into. The bride and the groom would never ever see one another. In most cases their parents would not see their prospective spouses either until the very day of wedding.
Later, with boys getting more educated and some of them moving out into the cities for higher education, they started complaining about early marriages. As a result, the age of boys went up significantly from teenage to early twenties. Conservative families still didn't like this and even though some families encouraged their sons to go see their would-be spouses, many other families totally rejected that idea. In the stories of Rabindranath, we see these young men who would at times go with their guy friends to see the brides. Some of these men who were open to western education didn't want to get married to child brides. Even with a wide age difference of ten years or more, they wanted a little older girls. Especially for families in Calcutta, school educated brides slowly became common. Those girls would be able to read and write Bengali, they read story books and were proficient in writing letters. In the famous novel "Prothom pratishruti" that was the kind of daughter-in-law Satyabati wanted.
With the onset of Brahmoism, a class of Bengalis became extremely well educated and shun the rigid orthodoxy. Here I am talking about late 1800s to early to mid 1900s. It was the time when Bengal Renaissance lit up the entire society and people gained that consciousness to question what is right and what is wrong. Even though all these were arranged marriages, that is the family decided on the match, both the brides and grooms were allowed to meet one another before the wedding. There might be a few "love marriages" in those days, of people inspired by the British, but those were negligible.
From the mid 1900s, love marriages increased in count. Also, in some of those marriages, the spouses were from different castes and backgrounds, which in those days were small revolutions I'd say! However, in most of these cases, the common trend was the new bride would move in with her in-laws. Even though educated, she still would not have a career. There were some women who were teachers, but mostly they would leave their jobs, if at all they had any, after marriage. Some men who were working out of the city would take their wives along, but generally people stayed with their families in their ancestral homes.
In the later part of 1900s, say in around the 60s, a new trend grew among the well educated community. Then young men started to leave the country and settle abroad. Before, there were barristers, engineers and doctors who would go to study in Britain, but they came back after completing their studies. This new generation did not come back. They were the first instances of brain drain. They took their wives with them to the USA and had their kids there. They would come once a year or so to visit, but that was all. These wives in most cases found a career abroad and they were the ones who had their "own home" outside that of their parents and in-laws.
The concept of nuclear families became more apparent and normal families started to be called as "joint families". People moved out of their ancestral homes, partly because those old houses became too much to maintain and flats were easier to maintain and gave a sense of independence as well. From the 70s, women were working as well in many families and so they wanted to have a different set up and not tow the lines of their mums-in-law. The concept of marriage went through a lot of change. These young women were married in their early twenties. By that time they completed their graduation and some even studied for post-graduation after getting married. If they were working, they wouldn't give up their jobs just because they are married now and the families realized that another source of income is always welcome. Also, families started having lesser number of kids, so parents didn't really worry about marrying off their daughters at an early age.
When we were growing up, parents did not want us to get married before settling into a job or securing our studies well into completion. In our generation, even for arranged marriages, these young people were not just allowed, but encouraged to go out together, watch movies, eat out so as to know one another better before marriage. This is a very big step. Also, nowadays there are at most two kids in the family, in many cases just one. So girls are getting similar encouragement for studies, extra curricular activities and career guidance. When marriages are arranged by parents, the only difference is that the bride and groom are introduced to one another by the family instead of they themselves taking that step.
Expectations have also changed a lot over the ages. From the time where wives were supposed to cover their heads all the time and not speak in front of elders, nowadays girls comfortably wear western clothes at their in-laws place and continue to have a normal life without any restrictions. Many people have their own setup even when they live in the same city. Living in a different apartment doesn't mean that they are not on good terms with their parents or in-laws. It is just a comfortable distance.
With people debating about the differences of love marriage and arranged marriage and about women's lib in our current society, I'd end this article with a funny story. This is from Leela Majumder's story, I am just translating. Long back in the late 1800s, a very emancipated family decided to let their daughter see her prospective husband and then the girl and her would-be husband can choose to proceed with the match or not. An extremely bold step in those days. Everything was planned and this family went on a picnic to the zoo where the young man would come with his friends. The men walked round the place where the girl was sitting, she really liked the young man and gave her approval when asked. Later, on the wedding evening she found out that he was not the guy whom she liked! No one specifically told her which one among the group of guys was her future husband!! Well, but at that time she was already married and she didn't complain about it. They lived happily married for sixty long years...it is for a reason they say marriages are made in heaven!
