The X chromosome

Today is International Women's Day. I sometimes wonder if it is as overhyped as all the other "days" like - Valentine's Day, Mothers' Day and the rest. How many women actually know that there's a women's day? What would they do even if they knew that? For someone toiling through the drudgery of illiteracy, oppression and being victims of almost all the crimes that ever exist on the face of earth, would a "day" make much of a difference? Would we, living plush lives in cities and being pampered as a daughter, a sister, a wife or a friend by men of all races, ever realize the plight of mothers in Africa whose only dream is to bring up a healthy child in an AIDS infested area, who'd live past his 5th birthday?

We have had enough of "feminist" talks, about showcasing women who are "empowered" (though I am yet to know what these terms mean, truly) and we've also had lots of girls vs. boys fights starting from high school. I don't want to get into those... what makes me wonder is the marvel of the creation known as a "woman".

It's just the information stored in the X-chromosome that makes us what we are... the ethereal being. We have some disadvantages over men. We are physically not that strong. Also, we have days when we just have to "suck it up and be quiet" for the thing that draws us back is within ourselves. Still, we have caught up quite fast. From the time, not even a century back, when Indian women were not allowed to read or write, we have advanced enough to have Kalpana Chawla who went "out of the world" with her talents. Women's franchise is not a very old thing in human history as well. Has that stopped women from running in Presidential elections? Marie Curie was not allowed to pursue a career in science. Do we see a dirth of women professors and researchers in science now? No way!

Keeping abreast in society with professions and education equal to men doesn't mean we are losing our individuality. What we don't like is the stereotypical template men wants us to mold into. We cannot be contained in a shell... we need our own free sky to spread our wings and soar up. The thing I like most about being a woman is the various roles we play so well - how we adapt ourselves to the situation, the versalitility that we possess...

However technical we may have become, juggling with the intricacies of 3 different smartphones, loading builds on servers, automating processes to stress test applications, when we come home, doesn't the sight of a vase out of place on the accent table catch our attention? Don't we change to the "family mode" and reach out to see what we can cook for dinner? I'm sure the smartest businesswoman loves to share a girly gossip with as much enthusiasm as a high school girl. Haven't you noticed during conferences, how one lady would whisper to her female co-worker - "those are nice shoes, where did you get them from?" That's what makes us - us! And how we love that! Then there's another thing that binds us to every woman in the world - motherhood. That's where we are all the same! From that mother I mentioned above, getting help from a Child Survival Unit in Africa, to the one in modern 21st century cities getting the best care ever, there's only thing they are thinking about - their child. This is where we beat the guys hands down. We have been given such a huge responsibility by Nature - to nurture a life inside us and to bring that life to the world! Can there be anything greater than this?

There's one story I need to mention in connection of motherhood. There was an Indian lady and her husband who were transferred to some remote parts of Africa for work. The husband was working for UNO or something like that. The lady was expecting at that time and was in a miserable state of mind. She didn't know anyone in that part of the world, couldn't speak that language. Also, she was having morning sickness and felt like death. The husband had to leave her to go to work. When he came back in the evening, he saw a host of village women have come to his quarters to attend to his wife. They had seen her crying and they figured out that she was expecting. So they brought all the traditional food that they eat at these times for the lady and were trying to make her feel comfortable. They didin't need any cognitive language, as they spoke the language of compassion and friendship.

Our lives are like the five-petaled rose of Venus. With the unfolding of each petal we go from childhood to maturity, then to motherhood and finally gracefully move on to the silver headed experienced grand old ladies! That reminds me of an experience. I was on a trip to Lake Chelan a couple of years back, when on the boat, I met two ladies. One was 4 years old, who constantly kept us amused with her nursery rhymes and comparisons of the various Disney Princesses, the other had already crossed her diamond jubilee and was steadily progressing towards platinum. She was married for 46 years and was telling me how to keep a marriage happy. They both appreciated the blue bead necklace that I was wearing! That made me realize how we all share the common traits. We were at different petals of Venus' rose, but we belong to the same flower after all.

We are the daughters of Eve and we love it!

[Dedicated to all the warriors in society, nurturers and versatile hard working women I've known about, those who are proud to be a woman!]

Sibling rivalry

The moment I enter the house in the evening, my son comes running to me. After I hug him and his dad says hi, he'll start cuddling and complaining about his elder sister. His sister will be upstairs at that time, so I go up to see her and she'll come running too... "Mooooom, you don't know what he did in the afternoon when I was napping. He thumped loudly on the door." That would start off her brother, "No Mom, I didn't thump loudly. I just wanted to wake her up!" "Wake me up?" my daughter would say in a sarcastic tone. "Mom, see he scratched my hand."
That said, they also have a lot of "unfairness" to complain about. My daughter is on a diet so she can't eat everything, whereas my son is a picky eater so I need to offer him varied food. That is "unfair" to my daughter. Also, since my daughter can eat only a few things, I spend a lot of time thinking about what I can offer her, which seems "unfair" to my son. Then comes their "mommy and me" and "daddy and me" time issues. Their dad plays rough with the boy, their cuddle time becomes more like wrestling, whereas when I'm with my daughter, she loves me grooming and petting her. However, my son is always "Mamma's boy" and my daughter is "Daddy's girl"!!


With May on the day she arrived

 Well, they don't need to be humans though...they are our furry four legged kids - Mota and May! Being felines does not mean they are exempt from sibling rivalry, nor does it mean they won't covet snuggle time with their human parents. True that we can't translate their conversations into Bengali or English (or for that matter any language that Google translator can help us with) but we can definitely get the idea behind their "meows" and "purrs".
It doesn't need much knowledge to understand what May's hisses mean when Mota starts meowing from outside the door the moment she settles down to have her fur brushed. Mota has an only child syndrome so he hates to share his parents with anyone else. May, on the other hand has a super strong personality (rather, catsonality) and she wants to make her position known to Mota. Also, May is 5 years Mota's senior.
Having two adult cats in the same household is not very easy, especially as they haven't been together since kittenhood and have very strong personalities.

Mota checking out my PlayBook

In the morning, Arnab would be up early to feed them. Cat food would outnumber human food in our fridge very soon. Same in the evening. Before fixing our dinner, I'd feed them (and Peanut Butter, if he's there too). Then there's play time for them and snuggle time also :-) Time to see their antics, cat fights, growls and hisses. Finally we say good night to May, Arnab gives her some bonito fish flakes, turns off the light in her room and she goes to sleep. Mota would be roaming around for a while then climb up our bed, sniff at my nose for a while (probably to make sure that his Mommy is ok) and curls up either on my pillow, or near my foot and calls it a night!!

Homo sapiens

Once upon a time, two LGM (Little Green Men) were having a conversation:

No wonder they underestimate us! I sometimes think if they (somewhere out there) are looking down (literally so) at us with amusement. Probably they are saying - wow! It took them millenia to invent a touch sensitive device? Or "they don't have a cure for cancer still?" Maybe! Who knows?

Carl Sagan's "Contact" is like Gospel to me. I swear by the book and live by it. So if, by chance SETI is successful I wouldn't be amazed. I like to imagine "someone from their planet" looking for us as well. We might not be the darlings of the Universe.

Have you ever introspected on where we stand as humans? We are small in size, don't have much physical strength (we can't fight off a gorilla), don't have claws or teeth sharp enough to even fight with a domestic cat, can't run like a cheetah, can't swim without having to learn, can't hear beyond a certain point (both up and down the scale), can't see in the dark (how many of us wear glasses?)...so we are an utter failure as a race.

Have you even seen the Cosmic Voyage at IMAX? It's a journey from the sub atomic particles to the cosmos. It's kind of like this. Where are we? Somewhere in the middle...not only thinking we are intelligent, but being arrogant enough to believe we are the only intelligent beings EVER!! That's being plain complacent. All the time fighting against one another for petty things, spending our entire lives on things that don't matter two pence on the scale of humanity.

When I hike up mountainous trails and suddenly stop on my tracks to look at the huge, snow covered Mt. Rainier in front, when I see the black half dome studded with stars, I feel humbled and proud, both! My favorite constellation - big dipper - reminds me of the questions that haunted us humans for which we found answers - and the ones that are challenging us as we delve deeper and deeper to gain more knowledge, to find the truth.

Yes, we are tiny beings in the Universe, but we have conquered a lot. Our mind can see what our eyes cannot. Big dipper would stay there for a long time as the heavenly question mark reminding us of the questions we will find answers for in the future!!

I love being a human.

Of morning coffee, grocery shopping, games of scrabble

I don't mean to scare young lovers, but "relationships are not always sunshine and cupcakes". When people are in love, they think that getting married is the final destination. As it is often depicted in novels and love stories and even fairy tales, how a couple goes through the journey and how they face obstacles (be it society, fighting families or an evil witch) on the way which they finally overcome and get married to live "happily ever after".

Simple, huh? Well not really...

"...to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part."

Sounds nice but the actual life is much different. Wedding vows do not include crabbiness after coming home late and finding there's no dinner ready. They don't take into account fights over whose turn it is to clean the cat's (or cats') litter! Nor even which footbal team you are shouting for. Readings from 1 Corinthians 13:4 would not tell you how to keep calm when your wife's driving the car (yes, yes, I can see when the traffic light turns green)!! These are ALL included in the vows of life...

I don't quite know much about "holy matrimony" as I've seen quite a few marriages turning sour or continuing without much involvement from either spouse. I don't even know what part love plays in the whole concept, because if there is love then why do love-marriages break? Where does the love fly off to? Also, love can grow in arranged marriages. There are so many couples out there who were practically married to "strangers" (what else can you call someone in an arranged marriage?) but are living happily for 40, 50, 60 years and bringing up grandkids now :-) So everything is possible!

Another thing people talk about is compromise. I don't see the need of that either. I'm not saying that I don't compromise (people have differing opinions about me, though) but I wouldn't want to compromise in a marriage. I should be able to be my own self. That includes my positives and negative. (Well, my husband should know those before he decided to propose me.) If I compromise, that means I'm stopping myself from doing something that I love to and that brings in disappointment and frustration. Change is needed for the betterment but not to please anyone else!

What I like in being married is having a friend for 24X7 to share the wildest of silly jokes, play chess (scrabble, chinese checkers, whatever...), having a partner to camp out with, snuggle with the furry kids, read good books and talk...with a cup of coffee in the morning or on our 40min drive to work...just plain conversation about anything and everything that I want to talk about... 

Happiness is not really being married to your best friend, but it's about finding your best friend in your marriage...

My teenage hero

I was feeling drowsy at work. There's nothing unusual about it though as I always feel sleepy at around 10-11 in the morning. So I grabbed a tea bag from the kitchen and came back to my desk. Reading through requirements and finding those places that need test coverage, I was sipping that black Ceylon tea from my huge blue mug when in my mind I was trancended to a March evening of 1996.

It was that time when I fell in love for the first time!

Like many people not realizing that they were in love when they first saw that "special person", I didn't realize it too. I considered him as an enemy when he came, burdened with the responsibility of pulling through when his team was floundering. I was happy in an evil way!

However, after watching his batting that evening, his calm disposition amidst crushing pressure, wielding his kookaburra for cover drives, square cuts and sweeps and sending the ball over to the boundary countless number of times, he won the hearts of Calcuttans but he was yet to win me!!

That came 4 days later at the Gadaffi stadium in Lahore. I was still hating him. I wanted him to get out on 99. I was still a little evil. His not out century and an outstanding 3/42 finally bowled me over and I became his fan from the next day....

Well, no points for guessing... he is Aravinda de Silva from Sri Lanka...the magician with his kookaburra wand.

From the later part of 1996, I started following Aravinda de Silva's matches with great interest. I have never seen the "playing to the galleries" batsman who was aptly nicknamed Mad Max, but I witnessed the anchor who was surely Mr. Dependable. Coming to the crease at one wicket down, I have seen his stable performances in countless matches. I remember the Singer Cup series where he remained unbeaten in the entire tournament. One sultry summer evening in May, I was lucky enough to belong to those 80,000 spectators at the Eden Gardens. It was the 2nd final of Pepsi Independence Cup between Pakistan and Sri Lanka. Even though India was not in the finals, that didn't stop cricket crazy Calcuttans from filling up the stands. I saw de Silva's strokes hitting the ball to the ropes and I gave a standing ovation on his half century!! That is surely an evening to remember.

My next experience was a little way off. I received de Silva's mailing address from a distant relative of mine and wrote him a letter. Months after posting it, when I was about to forget the whole thing, I received a letter. It was a hand written letter from HIM!! He sent me an autographed photo of himself and has written, besides other things that his dad lived in Calcutta for a while and went to St. Xavier's college there! I have got the letter laminated :-)

Finally, with time, I grew out of the ardent admirer that I was in my teens. Last year in April, I even supported India against Sri Lanka for the World Cup final. (I used to support SL for many years because of de Silva, yes I know I was a traitor, but everything's fair in love and war, right?) I even lost the charm for cricket a lot due to not watching it for many years and also because of the new T-20s and IPLs which I'm not much familiar with. However, when I found de Silva's autobiography on Amazon, I bought it! It was shipped from the UK (of course! Who in the US would want to read it?) and cost 28 pounds, but I had to get it. It's the book of my dreams....

I miss de Silva's match winning performances, I miss the shots that neatly bisected fielders and hurled the ball towards the boundary, I miss the days when his kookaburra ruled the 22 yards, but I'll cherish the memories forever... he'll always be my first love from my teeny-tweeny days :-)

The power of nothing!

I realized this at the start of Superbowl this evening, but this has got nothing to do with football :-) Well, it's not a riddle, I was amazed at the invention of zero. The connection is quite subtle though, Arnab and I were trying to decipher what XLVI stands for. I am thinking of creating an app that would convert Roman numerals to decimal and vice versa.

Imagine a world without decimal numbers! In "One, two, three to infinity" Gamow says of writing 8732 in Roman numerals and in Egyptian numerals. Can you think of doing even the simplest calculations in that way? The Roman general pictured in Gamow's masterpiece was told to write one million and he had hardly been able to write a hundred thousand with those countless M's. (M = 1000 in Roman). What a plight for that poor soul who didn't know about the existence of zero!

It is hard to imagine a world without zero, but it's even harder to think of what zero is. It is a symbol to mean absence, null. Sitting right or left of any digit, it makes hell and heaven difference, so huge is its power! And yet, by itself, it is NOTHING!

Gazing towards the last rays of the golden sun streaming in through some clouds, I am trying to imagine of the vastness and yet the non-existance of zero. The symbol that is undefined, the symbol that has pushed us humans a long way in the scientific world.... that is the power of nothing!!

When the northerly winds blow in Calcutta

It's like "we have no jingle bells or sleigh, to display on Christmas day" in the tropical city of Calcutta but we have a city full of people who can cheer up any day of the year!

I don't want to write an article on Calcutta. How can I be judgmental and unbiased towards a city where I was born and spend the first 23 years of my life at a stretch? I have too many good memories for that. My home, my schools, friends, the bustling markets, walks by the "Lake" on summer evenings, visiting relatives, my college days, fests, shopping and going to movies with friends all contribute to those good memories. So I'll pick up a little part from my days of Calcutta for this article.

Calcutta is a "chance directed, chance erected" city "laid and built, on the silt" by the British. So till today it has some remnants of the British Raj scattered around the city and also in the hearts of true Calcuttans. (By the way, like Satyajit Ray, I do hate changing the name of the city as well as its streets. It takes away our history. So I'll continue calling my city Calcutta and definitely not Kolkata.) December brings a Christmas cheer to the people of my city, although the majority of them are non-Christians! The sultry warm days are over, a clear blue sky covers the half dome above Calcutta and a dry cool wind starts blowing from the north which we lovingly call "Uttore haowa" - the northerly wind. My memories of winter in Calcutta always takes me to our terrace on the third floor, where I'd sit in the late morning or early afternoon basking in the wintry sun, gazing at the blue patch of sky over the nearby hospital and dream of those lands which I've read about in Enid Blyton's books. Sometimes I would have an orange sitting there or perhaps read a book. Oh those lazy days!!!

When I was below the age group of teens, I used to go to a school famous for its century old buildings and a couple of great playgrounds. During this time of the year, we were done with our half yearly examinations and the girls would love to hang around outdoors. Playing badminton was an in-thing at that time!



Horses at Maidan

 On our terrace and roof, my uncle had lots of seasonal flowers. Ranging from roses in all shades of pinks, reds, oranges and some in mauve, yellow and white, dahlias as big as dinner plates and marigolds, antirrhinums, chrysanthemums that place became bright and colorful. For my parents' wedding anniversary, we did decorate the entire house with those flowers in pots!

Winter brings memories of cricket matches at Eden Gardens! Aah, how I loved them and how I loved the players clad in white with a v-necked sweater and bright cricket caps. I know the test matches go on and on and on but the good thing is everyone of the family (our family, including the domestic helps - not the standard "family of four") can go watch the match as it is spread over 5 days! The lunch baskets, oranges in paper bags, binoculars and bundling up in the morning are all parts of the game. Also, included are the spectators of Eden Gardens - famous for their love of cricket who gives standing ovation to players of the other countries as well and for their witty comments during the game.

Eden Gardens

Another thing that I must mention is the Calcutta Book Fair! Book lovers across the state visit it. The last one I went to was still at the old location of Maidan, I don't know if it is still having the same feel at its new location. It's hard to imagine that the fair is not to sell books, but to create an awareness of the love of reading. People who cannot afford to buy books for their kids can still bring them to the fair and the kids can read books at the stores. We pride ourselves on being book lovers and also in the exchange of cultures between Bengal and other countries. Book fair is definitely something we can be proud of!

Tram near Dalhousie square

A true Calcuttan loves trams. Those slow moving vehicles do not use petroleum and as a result do not pollute the environment, keeps to its tracks so doesn't increase traffic congestion either. The first class has fans and both the compartments have big, airy windows! People who complain that we need to get rid of trams because they are slow are not Calcuttans. They try to show off as "contemporary" people but have never boarded one ever on a lazy winter afternoon. Tram ride (especially the ones where you don't have a particular destination in mind) with someone from your family who knows enough and/or has enough memory associated with the passing landmarks, building, etc can be a memory of a lifetime. I remember one such ride with my mom, uncle and aunt on a cold, cold wintry afternoon - from Lansdowne to Dalhousie, bought food from all the vendors that boarded the tram and had tea from an earthen cup at Dalhousie standing right below the Ochterlony Monument. You'll feel the essence of Calcutta that way!!

Don't I sound nostalgic? Yes! The good thing is I'm off to Calcutta next week for "there's no place like home for the holidays" and also because "December এর কলকাতা তো কলকাতা নয় Calcutta!!"

Victoria Memorial Hall