The firebrand Henry Louis Vivian Derozio, the revolutionary leader of Young Bengal Society said - "He who will not reason is a bigot, he who cannot reason is a fool and he who does not reason is a slave." How appropriate this saying is! I have come across many people of the above 3 kinds - not speaking up thinking "what would they say?" or don't have the knowledge to participate in discussions or are just wondering "what's the use of me saying anything?". People going about their daily business without thinking, without opinions, just following what everyone else does. They don't make a difference to the world, they would never be missed. I'd rather have these people go extinct than the Polar bears or Royal Bengal tigers!
One needs to ask a lot of questions. One needs to be curious to try out new things. Those ventures might fail but nothing can beat the experience you've got. Don't ever take anything on the face value, try to sift to the bottom of everything. Ask yourself "WHY?" before following anything and don't do that unless you get a truthful answer that makes sense. If the answer to "why shouldn't I eat beef/pork?" is "I don't like the taste" or "I have high cholesterol and I need to stay off from red meat" then you are on the right track, but if it is "that's what my religion tells me" then you need to think more. Same about societal laws and family laws. "Daughters-in-law in our family have never pursued their careers" has been the end of many Indian girls' dream, but those girls who ask for reason, who simply say "why?" have an option to break free. Nothing has come out of "tradition" and "expected of" in this world. Nobody "expected" humans to fly, but the Wright Brothers had the courage to try and succeed. It wasn't "expected of" Marie Curie to pursue a career in science and get two Nobels, but she had the Courage To Know! Same for Ishwar Chandra Vidyasagar who started widow remarriage for Hindu girls in the dark days of the history of Bengal. There are many many such examples in the human race who have reasoned, who were not satisfied with "that's what we always have done", those who had faith in what is true and in themselves!
That doesn't mean you wouldn't need to fight. Actually you'll have to fight more as you try to row against the current but you'll achieve something at the end. Try to say "yes" to new things and new opportunities as Google's Eric Schmidt has said. You'll see a whole new world unfolding in front of you as you try out new things, meet new people and listen to new ideas! After all "it's much better to be a crystal and get shattered to a thousand pieces than to sit silently all your life being a piece of tile on a roof top"!!!
Monday, May 16, 2011
Monday, May 09, 2011
Housekeeping for the servantless working woman
Yes, I have been inspired by Julie Child's cookbook, but I don't intend to jot down my culinary skills here, I'll write about another aspect of family life, that is housekeeping.
Housekeeping, like most other things is an art. Some women are extraordinarily good at it, while others have to just manage with what they've got. All women are born with some instincts about housekeeping, the rest we have to learn and practice(as always).
Our houses don't always have to be fancy and well decorated. It can be a studio apartment in a busy city or a cottage style cozy little house in the town, but the housekeeper has the key to make it a "home".
Nowadays most families have both couples working. Even when the second salary may not be "needed", women are pursuing their dream careers (and why wouldn't they?) but that does never mean that we are any less good housekeepers than our moms or grandmoms. How ever much career oriented a woman may be, I am yet to know of someone who doesn't like to arrange fresh cut flowers for her centerpiece, doesn't want to knit a throw for her husband or doesn't care about packing a home cooked lunch. So here comes what I've learnt through my own (one year) experience at housekeeping:
The first thing a house needs to be is CLEAN. It does not matter if it is well decorated with costly furniture if the toilet stinks and the hardwood floor is greasy. Well, we all know this, but attaining the level of cleanliness we intend to reach sometimes seem impossible. So let's go through the bullet points.
0. The pre-req: You have to have a husband who co-operates in the cleaning/arranging process with you. A tip: Never leave cleaning to a guy's discretion. They have a tendency of being oblivious to dirt/dust/cat hair. So instead of telling them "clean the bathroom", point to a dirty place and say "clean this! NOW!!!"
1. Find out those major-cleaning regions of the house. 1. The kitchen and 2. The Master bath. Keep these two places scrupulously clean even if that means paying less importance to the other rooms. The best habit is to wipe the sink, counter tops, stove top with a pre-moistened cloth like Chlorox or Lysol. It cleans, takes off grease and disinfects too. Wiping off these smooth, straight places before going to bed would take very little time but would give you a fresh feeling the next morning! Also, you can spray some air freshner before going to bed :-)
2. The dining table: I am very traditional when it comes to having dinner. I strictly believe that "dinner time is family time". Obviously you cannot lay a table if it's full of bread crumbs, spilt coffee and cat hair (our cat loves to sit on the dining table looking like a china showpiece). So you've got to wipe the table before(and possibly after) every meal. When you brush off the crumbs, some would fall down. Pay attention while vacuuming the carpet below the table, it becomes very very dirty.
3. The master bedroom. The main thing in this room is--- THE BED. And that gives you the solution. Crumpled sheets, scattered pillows, laundry and wet towels on the floor and nightstands piled high with magazines would not make the room look pretty. When you get up in the morning, spend a minute in straightening the sheets and comforter. You'll yourself feel great later in the evening when you'll slip under smooth sheets :-) Also, don't forget the purpose of nightstands. They are meant to support a lamp and those things like a glass of water, spectacles, alarm clock (or cell phone) and a few books. So don't stack it up with things you just want to keep out of your way. If you have a dresser/mirror in your master bedroom, keep the top of the dresser clean. Also, don't dump everything on it. Perfume bottles, trinkets and photo frames look nice on it.
The most important thing to keep in mind while cleaning/arranging your house is to be grateful that you HAVE a house to clean/arrange/decorate. Enjoy your house and be happy!!
Housekeeping, like most other things is an art. Some women are extraordinarily good at it, while others have to just manage with what they've got. All women are born with some instincts about housekeeping, the rest we have to learn and practice(as always).
Our houses don't always have to be fancy and well decorated. It can be a studio apartment in a busy city or a cottage style cozy little house in the town, but the housekeeper has the key to make it a "home".
Nowadays most families have both couples working. Even when the second salary may not be "needed", women are pursuing their dream careers (and why wouldn't they?) but that does never mean that we are any less good housekeepers than our moms or grandmoms. How ever much career oriented a woman may be, I am yet to know of someone who doesn't like to arrange fresh cut flowers for her centerpiece, doesn't want to knit a throw for her husband or doesn't care about packing a home cooked lunch. So here comes what I've learnt through my own (one year) experience at housekeeping:
The first thing a house needs to be is CLEAN. It does not matter if it is well decorated with costly furniture if the toilet stinks and the hardwood floor is greasy. Well, we all know this, but attaining the level of cleanliness we intend to reach sometimes seem impossible. So let's go through the bullet points.
0. The pre-req: You have to have a husband who co-operates in the cleaning/arranging process with you. A tip: Never leave cleaning to a guy's discretion. They have a tendency of being oblivious to dirt/dust/cat hair. So instead of telling them "clean the bathroom", point to a dirty place and say "clean this! NOW!!!"
1. Find out those major-cleaning regions of the house. 1. The kitchen and 2. The Master bath. Keep these two places scrupulously clean even if that means paying less importance to the other rooms. The best habit is to wipe the sink, counter tops, stove top with a pre-moistened cloth like Chlorox or Lysol. It cleans, takes off grease and disinfects too. Wiping off these smooth, straight places before going to bed would take very little time but would give you a fresh feeling the next morning! Also, you can spray some air freshner before going to bed :-)
2. The dining table: I am very traditional when it comes to having dinner. I strictly believe that "dinner time is family time". Obviously you cannot lay a table if it's full of bread crumbs, spilt coffee and cat hair (our cat loves to sit on the dining table looking like a china showpiece). So you've got to wipe the table before(and possibly after) every meal. When you brush off the crumbs, some would fall down. Pay attention while vacuuming the carpet below the table, it becomes very very dirty.
3. The master bedroom. The main thing in this room is--- THE BED. And that gives you the solution. Crumpled sheets, scattered pillows, laundry and wet towels on the floor and nightstands piled high with magazines would not make the room look pretty. When you get up in the morning, spend a minute in straightening the sheets and comforter. You'll yourself feel great later in the evening when you'll slip under smooth sheets :-) Also, don't forget the purpose of nightstands. They are meant to support a lamp and those things like a glass of water, spectacles, alarm clock (or cell phone) and a few books. So don't stack it up with things you just want to keep out of your way. If you have a dresser/mirror in your master bedroom, keep the top of the dresser clean. Also, don't dump everything on it. Perfume bottles, trinkets and photo frames look nice on it.
The most important thing to keep in mind while cleaning/arranging your house is to be grateful that you HAVE a house to clean/arrange/decorate. Enjoy your house and be happy!!
Saturday, October 09, 2010
Mahalaya - reminiscences
October 7th 2010 was just another Thursday for me. I woke up as usual, went to work, spend the whole day testing software and then came back home, pottered about with some household chores and went to sleep. However, what I missed out was that it was Mahalaya. 4 years back the situation would have been very different.
Anyone who grew up in Calcutta knows the significance of Mahalaya. It is the new moon of the month of Ashwin and it heralds the Durga Puja - the greatest festival of Bengalis all over the world. On that day people do some religious ceremonies but the most significant part is a radio oration that takes place in the early hours of dawn - "Mahishashuramardini". In the CD of this radio program, they say the genre is "Bengali devotional" but that makes it sound so clichéd. This, though is a recitation of Sanskrit shlokas and is very much spiritual, the whole thing is much more social than religious and is loved by everyone, including atheists :-)
At 4 in the morning, Bengali households wake up. Putting their hands out from the mosquito nets they turn on the radios...the program starts. From when it started in the 1930s, it was transmitted live. The rich voice of Sri Birendra Krishna Bhadra fills the early morning. Accompanied with that are various Sanskrit chantings and Bengali songs all praising the Goddess Durga.
From when I can remember, I used to wake up and see the sky showing the early colors of dawn, I would listen sleepily to the Sanskrit mantras- the story of Hindu mythology how Durga was created - as a personification of power to kill the powerful demon Mahishashura. As I listened to it, my mind would wander off to the Himalayas and I visualized how the Gods created Durga, how they gave her divine weapons and how she finally won the war against evil. Listening to the songs, sometimes drowsing off, I would think of the festivities that would start within a week, the new clothes and shoes, where I would go pandal hopping with my friends and family...
The sky turns cornflower blue here and wispy clouds float by, I have seen gigantic "kash-phool", I can feel a "himer parash" in the morning breeze and the grass of my back yard glistens with dew in the early morning...but nowhere do I find the warmth of Durga Puja ... gone are those days of Puja shopping, of "Pujoy chai notun juto", of all night pandal hopping, of gulping phuchka, sitting at Maddox Square with friends, of riding ferris wheel (we called it a Giant Wheel) with my mom and sister, visiting relatives after Bijoya Dashami and many many many happy times...
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Apt# Y203 :-)
It is very funny how British english and American english use completely different words to mean the same thing, both claiming that they speak "english"!!! One of these words is "apartment", the thing I knew as "flat" for the first 23 years of my life. Now, the point I want to make is that I could never imagine living in a "flat" when I was small...I pitied those people (specially kids) who could not run up and down the staircases, have many nooks and corners to hide while playing hide-and-seek with cousins and have really big open terraces which could turn into lands of fantasy, kind of like Enid Blyton's "magic faraway tree"...all these thoughts actually came because I was born and brought up in my now 82 years old ancestral home.
Life in USA taught me a lot, and the most important lesson, I guess is adjustment. I was in a dorm for 2 years, my favourite Denman Hall, sharing a 1bhk apartment with a completely unknown girl from another country...but, as the girl was too nice, the whole experience turned out to be wonderful and left a good memory (a good memory is like the taste you have in your mouth after eating a good ice-cream... :-)...anyway, so I learnt how to live in an apartment...!!!
After I moved to Seattle, God upgraded me from gradstudent 3.21 to woman 1.0 and my lifestyle changed for the better. Firstly, Arnab is there to take care of me. I have someone to shout at if things dont work the way I expect them to and I dont have to take the decisions that I dont WANT to take :-) Getting a guy to look after you is a cool thing, girls, believe me...I am so much in favor of getting married :-)
Moreover, someone does the tough things suitable only for guys, like carrying heavy bags, assembling furniture...and and and...last but not the least, someone takes care of the finances, hahaha!!!! So it is obvious that I am very relaxed now :-)
This apartment is a good place to live in...the neighborhood is nice and the place is very beautiful with hills and pine trees all around...but to an outsider there is nothing that speciak to it...the extra zing that adds a sweet flavor to me and Arnab is the fact that this is our "home"...the first place where we moved together...
this apartment Y203 will always be special to us...
This apartment has seen the new home-maker, experimenting with new recipes, packing lunch, waiting for him to come back from work, assembling furniture, arranging books (not studying them!!!) and learning to adapt a new lifestyle with a new lifemate...this is my new home on this part of the world
Saturday, April 18, 2009
"the silver sound of bridal bells..."
There are a very few stories in the world where the sequel is as good as or better than the first one. Louisa May Alcott's "Good wives" definitely is among them. Some parts become more relevant to a girl as she grows up and faces the bitter-sweet things of life, heartaches being numero uno!!! "In the garret", a poem written by Jo in "Good Wives" is one of my favourite poems and I am found to quote that in many places. Mostly I quote Jo's part...but now something is different, I am found to quote Amy's part..."Upon the last lid's polished field, legend now both fair and true. A gallant knight bears on his shield-- 'Amy' in letters gold and blue." I love this...someone up north is bearing on his shield my name too :-)
In "Rebecca", the girl once talked about bottling up memories...if only we could bottle the good times up and then take a look or sniff at them later...I like the idea...I would have cherished this time of my life forever.
Getting married is one of the most important phases of every human's life, but for a Bengali girl it is of IMMENSE importance. I was never a sterotypical bengali girl, and these couple of years of grad-school in USA have taken away the remnants but deep down somewhere I am so very bengali and so proud of being a bengali girl too. In early days, the girls used to leave their home and go to the family of someone whom they never had met before. In my case it's ofcourse not the same, and I left home for grad school before I planned to get married, so I really dont have any reason to feel worried, but I AM worried. there are feelings for which we dont know the reason, and this is one of them.
Dont think I am just feeling worried, I am feeling 90% happy :-) It is actually so unbelievable that I am getting married...!!! I, Ria, the girl who used to run down the staircases, jumping 2 steps at a time with pigtails flying, is getting MARRIED!!! INCREDIBLE!!! I seriously cannot picturize myself in a grown-up world, talking to my in-laws...oh no!!!! Moreover, there will be a guy with me all day...there will be shaving cream and razor in the bathroom,"not-so-good-looking" shoes all around, shirts and heavy jeans in the laundry, smells of guys perfume in the room!! I will have to visit the men's section of stores to find one particular grey or blue shirt...someone will be enthusiastically talking about cars and watches and spend sleepless nights watching football...strange life!!! Great change for a girl's life...but this is making me happy, because this guy is the one I love, this guy is my Arnab!!!
I have many things to learn now. Nowadays, though we say that career is more important to family, (I was one of the leading feminists in high school and college) I personally feel now, that family is more important (provided you have a loving and caring husband)!!! There was a reason God made me a woman, and I can feel that now. The love, the care I feel in myself when I think about Arnab, the way I want to depend on him...these all make me feel so happy and proud. I am having a wonderful feeling which I cannot articulate. Perhaps it is one of the best feelings a girl can experience as she blossoms into a woman. When she feels the love of the man she loves...when she hears "the silver sound of bridal bells in the falling summer rain".
In "Rebecca", the girl once talked about bottling up memories...if only we could bottle the good times up and then take a look or sniff at them later...I like the idea...I would have cherished this time of my life forever.
Getting married is one of the most important phases of every human's life, but for a Bengali girl it is of IMMENSE importance. I was never a sterotypical bengali girl, and these couple of years of grad-school in USA have taken away the remnants but deep down somewhere I am so very bengali and so proud of being a bengali girl too. In early days, the girls used to leave their home and go to the family of someone whom they never had met before. In my case it's ofcourse not the same, and I left home for grad school before I planned to get married, so I really dont have any reason to feel worried, but I AM worried. there are feelings for which we dont know the reason, and this is one of them.
Dont think I am just feeling worried, I am feeling 90% happy :-) It is actually so unbelievable that I am getting married...!!! I, Ria, the girl who used to run down the staircases, jumping 2 steps at a time with pigtails flying, is getting MARRIED!!! INCREDIBLE!!! I seriously cannot picturize myself in a grown-up world, talking to my in-laws...oh no!!!! Moreover, there will be a guy with me all day...there will be shaving cream and razor in the bathroom,"not-so-good-looking" shoes all around, shirts and heavy jeans in the laundry, smells of guys perfume in the room!! I will have to visit the men's section of stores to find one particular grey or blue shirt...someone will be enthusiastically talking about cars and watches and spend sleepless nights watching football...strange life!!! Great change for a girl's life...but this is making me happy, because this guy is the one I love, this guy is my Arnab!!!
I have many things to learn now. Nowadays, though we say that career is more important to family, (I was one of the leading feminists in high school and college) I personally feel now, that family is more important (provided you have a loving and caring husband)!!! There was a reason God made me a woman, and I can feel that now. The love, the care I feel in myself when I think about Arnab, the way I want to depend on him...these all make me feel so happy and proud. I am having a wonderful feeling which I cannot articulate. Perhaps it is one of the best feelings a girl can experience as she blossoms into a woman. When she feels the love of the man she loves...when she hears "the silver sound of bridal bells in the falling summer rain".
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
???
If God comes before me (well, the pre-condition is becoming very strong here), let us suppose that such a thing IS possible, then what would I ask for?? Obviously the things or situations I ask for are the ones I would like to see myself in. How do I want to see myself?? I asked that to myself during a quiet time this evening. I really didnt think like this before...
I dont know what my good qualities are, neither do I know what qualities are considered "good", they seem to vary with time, relative "good deeds", nothing is "absolute" about those, so I cant really ask God to make me a "better" person. So does that mean I am very happy the way I am?? Am I perfect?? No, I am not perfect, but I like myself like this. My positives and negatives together make me who I am... a unique being in this whole wide Universe.
Yes, I know, if I were more sincere, then I would have done much better in my studies, if I were more nice and sweet, people would have loved me, if I were soft spoken, that would have made me a better person...(there are many more if-statements I guess, should try to put a nested-if loop) but, I cant change...I am what I am...what can I do to it?? I wouldn't even ask God to make me a better, nicer, sweeter girl. I am ok.
What about looks?? I dont know whether I care for looks. Girls do. I think I care a lot about my hair but I dont really spend a lot of time to do it. Natural looks, the look I was born with will definitely suit me the most. There also I am happy the way I look, for that's what my individuality is about.
I see myself in two strange visions...one is me climbing up a hilly road through a forest. It is dark, and raining. I am in my old pair of jeans and and old shirt, with a backpack and a dog is there beside me, or I am carrying my teddy-bear. I am climbing up with much difficulty and I am tired, but I dont know where I am going. I am certainly not a rock-climber and the weather is not good for hiking either...I dont know what this signifies...struggle perhaps?? The teddy or the dog signifies love without any expectations...those who love me exactly the way I am. I dont have any idea about the old jeans...that might mean "not caring about looks"...
The second vision is a beautiful one...that is actually something I want to experience in my life. I see myself, sitting on top of a rocky island, with the whole expanse of the ocean stretched below my feet. The waves crash by the island, and on top, there is the whole dome of the black night sky filled with myriads of stars!!! "Mahabishwe, mahakashe, mahakal majhe, ami manab ekaki bhromi bishmoye"...if I get to experience this before I die, I will be the happiest person.
The night sky can take away all my sorrows, all my tears...disappointments, rejections, insults, loneliness, lose their power when I see the vision. I dont see myself sitting and laughing there, I see myself thinking...reflecting, introspecting.
If God wants me to ask for something, I'll say that I need to have my way of appreciating such things like the moon over north pole and man's conquering of Mt. Everest, my power of thinking, the way it hurts me when I see people suffer. And I want kids and animals to love me. If these things are there with me, I dont need to care what else I do in my life.
To say about love, I want to add a line to my life. If someone loves me the way I am, without compulsion of family bonding or other obligations, then I DO NEED to realize that it is the BEST gift I can ever get in my life. I need to love him and cherish him as God's gift to my life.
I dont know what my good qualities are, neither do I know what qualities are considered "good", they seem to vary with time, relative "good deeds", nothing is "absolute" about those, so I cant really ask God to make me a "better" person. So does that mean I am very happy the way I am?? Am I perfect?? No, I am not perfect, but I like myself like this. My positives and negatives together make me who I am... a unique being in this whole wide Universe.
Yes, I know, if I were more sincere, then I would have done much better in my studies, if I were more nice and sweet, people would have loved me, if I were soft spoken, that would have made me a better person...(there are many more if-statements I guess, should try to put a nested-if loop) but, I cant change...I am what I am...what can I do to it?? I wouldn't even ask God to make me a better, nicer, sweeter girl. I am ok.
What about looks?? I dont know whether I care for looks. Girls do. I think I care a lot about my hair but I dont really spend a lot of time to do it. Natural looks, the look I was born with will definitely suit me the most. There also I am happy the way I look, for that's what my individuality is about.
I see myself in two strange visions...one is me climbing up a hilly road through a forest. It is dark, and raining. I am in my old pair of jeans and and old shirt, with a backpack and a dog is there beside me, or I am carrying my teddy-bear. I am climbing up with much difficulty and I am tired, but I dont know where I am going. I am certainly not a rock-climber and the weather is not good for hiking either...I dont know what this signifies...struggle perhaps?? The teddy or the dog signifies love without any expectations...those who love me exactly the way I am. I dont have any idea about the old jeans...that might mean "not caring about looks"...
The second vision is a beautiful one...that is actually something I want to experience in my life. I see myself, sitting on top of a rocky island, with the whole expanse of the ocean stretched below my feet. The waves crash by the island, and on top, there is the whole dome of the black night sky filled with myriads of stars!!! "Mahabishwe, mahakashe, mahakal majhe, ami manab ekaki bhromi bishmoye"...if I get to experience this before I die, I will be the happiest person.
The night sky can take away all my sorrows, all my tears...disappointments, rejections, insults, loneliness, lose their power when I see the vision. I dont see myself sitting and laughing there, I see myself thinking...reflecting, introspecting.
If God wants me to ask for something, I'll say that I need to have my way of appreciating such things like the moon over north pole and man's conquering of Mt. Everest, my power of thinking, the way it hurts me when I see people suffer. And I want kids and animals to love me. If these things are there with me, I dont need to care what else I do in my life.
To say about love, I want to add a line to my life. If someone loves me the way I am, without compulsion of family bonding or other obligations, then I DO NEED to realize that it is the BEST gift I can ever get in my life. I need to love him and cherish him as God's gift to my life.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
chocolate, lime juice...
the story of a girl's growing up...my blog seems to be a reflection of my memories, but this growing up phase fascinates me...the way I am changing, becoming a woman from a tom-boy...this is, I think the most beautiful phase of my life till now.
I mentioned in the post about "Captivating" that women are made that way, the soft and beautiful way...that's their nature, but when I was in my teens I did not like this idea. I was like "Jo" and I hated "girlish" girls and wasn't really excited about boys or glitter nail enamels!!!
Time changes....and time changes us too :-)
I can feel how I changed because I remember my thoughts very well. From being "the rebel without a cause" I am becoming someone who is learning to forgive others and deal with their drawbacks in a gentle way. "Gentle" was an adjective no one could use while describing me, but that's what I am learning.
This transformation into a woman happens when there is someone to love you...love makes you glow and that radiance shows outside. Someone is there to make me feel wanted and special and loved...this feeling can never be described but felt, felt inside the deepest core of the heart...and believe me...love is the BEST thing that can happen to someone. It matters a lot in changing people :-)
As God prepares me to be THE WOMAN for someone and to be able to take the responsibilities that come with it, I pray for strength because I need to be the source of love, care and support for the one I love and another family, who would be mine :-)
"Love is patient and kind", so I am sure it will transform me to the perfect 'Eve' God wants me to be :-)
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