Learning to Let Go

Earlier this week, on Monday, my beloved feisty firebrand cat, May Kitty crossed the Rainbow Bridge. This is so far my first real encounter with death of a beloved soul. It is true I have seen my grandfather moments after he passed away, but to be honest May Kitty's death has impacted me much more than that. It has even touched me more than my own miscarriage.

I was wondering what is it about a pet's death that affect us so much. I think it is because how ever old they may get, since we take care of them as our kids, we never really sense that age. To us, they still remain our little kids. May was almost 16, which mean more than 80 in human years. So we should really say that she had quite a long life. Her chronic kidney ailment was under treatment but that is what finally gave in. She withdrew from the world on Saturday, but we still tried to get her back. After 2 days of fight at the ICU when she did not respond to any antibiotic or even human dosage of pain killers, we decided to bring her home and let her go in peace. At the hospital however, they said that she wouldn't even make the trip home. Then we decided amidst loads and loads of tears that we have no right to prolong her suffering just because of our selfish needs. We decided to let her go. Lying down on my lap, like she did every evening, she breathed her last. I saw that it was in peace.

It felt like my heart was shattered in pieces. For days afterwards, I literally had this heavy feeling in my chest. That pain is physical. On top of that, with the hormone injections doing their work, I thought I would be a teary mess for days. But I did not. I chose to celebrate life over death.

First of all, in Hindu philosophy, we believe in the immortality of the soul. The soul is such that can't be burned by fire, torn by swords, or blown away by the wind. It is always at peace. So I know May's soul, which theoretically has no bearing with May's mortal body is free now. She left her mortal body like we change from an old set of clothes. We decided to cremate her and scatter her ashes in an apple orchard because we did not want to hold on to the remains of her mortal body through a burial or even keeping the ashes. We need to let her go.

Secondly, we have our other two fur babies to care for. They knew that May has gone and they were depressed. So we kept our normal routine around them and also play with them, be in a good mood so that they pick up on the positivity. It is difficult, but we had to do that.

Thirdly, we also believe in reincarnation. I was telling Arnab that May was in a hurry to leave because she has to be present when my ova are fertilized. She has to come back as my human child :) Who knows, maybe the one who went over the Rainbow Bridge will come back as my Rainbow Baby!