Have you heard of the term "likeability factor"? When a woman is assertive and imposes her ideas with power, then she is considered bossy and disliked by her peers or managers. However, if she focuses on "being nice" then she gets bulldozed and pushed off to the side. A classic example of damned if you do, damned if you don't. Isn't it?
In the wake of India finally winning two medals this Olympic, and both of them won by female athletes, I was wondering about the situation these girls had to endure. There are certain sports which may be fine for a girl in India, like badminton or tennis, or even golf. For gymnastics, I can see people saying, "what will you do by becoming a gymnast?" but maybe not in such a bad way. But for a wrestler, I simply can't fathom what she had to go through, especially as she was trained at a place which only allowed boys. The state this wrestler is from, is notorious for female feticide and infanticide. So much so that the male to female ratio got very much skewed in the recent past. In an Indian household, the "likeability factor" becomes whether you can be a traditional daughter-in-law or not. In the name of upholding your family honor, basically girls are tied down and their wings clipped.
That is one common thing across all countries, cultures, religions throughout the ages. I am reading a book called "Daughters of the Samurai" and I realized this once again. When the three young Japanese girls came to the US and got rid of their kimonos, the first thing they realized was that they could leap over garden paths, catch falling flower petals on their laps and didn't have to walk by shuffling their feet in between the kimono wraps. A small bit of independence, right?
Let's start from the most serious ones. Women who talk less are liked more. I know this very well because I am a famous chatterbox. A person who is introvert, shy, doesn't speak much means what? That she doesn't let her opinions come forward. She would keep quiet when her parents arrange for a match. In the east, a "good girl" should not choose her own husband. It is shameful. Parents and elders would decide what she would do with her life and she should just follow that.
After getting married, she agains drowns her own likes and dislikes and maintains her "likeability" by serving her in-laws without making a fuss. If she chooses to keep her maiden name then she is not really showing her love for her husband. If she wants to keep her job and be independent, then also she is not fulfilling the role of a true daughter in law.
Then comes the question of babies. If a woman decides not to have babies then the whole world will remind her how horrific and selfish her decision is. In this regard the West is no better than the East. In over populated countries at least abortion is a legal and religion is not brought into it in every step. A mother choosing abortion would be demonized in no time.
Women have been drawn back in the name of family, babies, by drilling into their heads that their dreams don't matter, it is the husband and the kids who need to be made happy. They are also drawn back in the name of culture (whatever that means) and are constantly reminded of the fact that women are less capable than men. Recently, the funny (yet strong) Chinese swimmer Fu Yuanhui publicly told reporters that her periods made it difficult for her to swim. China almost fell apart at that comment. Women didn't understand how she swam while on periods because they back there don't use tampons. I understood that very well because growing up I never used tampons either, and I knew that you just don't swim or do any difficult physical activity while on periods.
It is just so wrong. You can do everything while on periods. The more active you are, the less cramps you get.
On Friday, I was in a similar situation as Fu Yuanhui and though decades and centuries of foremothers were telling me that I should rest after coming back from work, I disregarded those thoughts, put on my training clothes and went to the gym. After my regular training, I also swam for half an hour. The water and the stretching helped my muscles relax. It was a small step in my life, nothing major in the context of troubles women are facing all over the world. But for me, I know that I am not letting myself be held back physically just because I was born with X chromosome instead of Y.
In the wake of India finally winning two medals this Olympic, and both of them won by female athletes, I was wondering about the situation these girls had to endure. There are certain sports which may be fine for a girl in India, like badminton or tennis, or even golf. For gymnastics, I can see people saying, "what will you do by becoming a gymnast?" but maybe not in such a bad way. But for a wrestler, I simply can't fathom what she had to go through, especially as she was trained at a place which only allowed boys. The state this wrestler is from, is notorious for female feticide and infanticide. So much so that the male to female ratio got very much skewed in the recent past. In an Indian household, the "likeability factor" becomes whether you can be a traditional daughter-in-law or not. In the name of upholding your family honor, basically girls are tied down and their wings clipped.
That is one common thing across all countries, cultures, religions throughout the ages. I am reading a book called "Daughters of the Samurai" and I realized this once again. When the three young Japanese girls came to the US and got rid of their kimonos, the first thing they realized was that they could leap over garden paths, catch falling flower petals on their laps and didn't have to walk by shuffling their feet in between the kimono wraps. A small bit of independence, right?
Let's start from the most serious ones. Women who talk less are liked more. I know this very well because I am a famous chatterbox. A person who is introvert, shy, doesn't speak much means what? That she doesn't let her opinions come forward. She would keep quiet when her parents arrange for a match. In the east, a "good girl" should not choose her own husband. It is shameful. Parents and elders would decide what she would do with her life and she should just follow that.
After getting married, she agains drowns her own likes and dislikes and maintains her "likeability" by serving her in-laws without making a fuss. If she chooses to keep her maiden name then she is not really showing her love for her husband. If she wants to keep her job and be independent, then also she is not fulfilling the role of a true daughter in law.
Then comes the question of babies. If a woman decides not to have babies then the whole world will remind her how horrific and selfish her decision is. In this regard the West is no better than the East. In over populated countries at least abortion is a legal and religion is not brought into it in every step. A mother choosing abortion would be demonized in no time.
Women have been drawn back in the name of family, babies, by drilling into their heads that their dreams don't matter, it is the husband and the kids who need to be made happy. They are also drawn back in the name of culture (whatever that means) and are constantly reminded of the fact that women are less capable than men. Recently, the funny (yet strong) Chinese swimmer Fu Yuanhui publicly told reporters that her periods made it difficult for her to swim. China almost fell apart at that comment. Women didn't understand how she swam while on periods because they back there don't use tampons. I understood that very well because growing up I never used tampons either, and I knew that you just don't swim or do any difficult physical activity while on periods.
It is just so wrong. You can do everything while on periods. The more active you are, the less cramps you get.
On Friday, I was in a similar situation as Fu Yuanhui and though decades and centuries of foremothers were telling me that I should rest after coming back from work, I disregarded those thoughts, put on my training clothes and went to the gym. After my regular training, I also swam for half an hour. The water and the stretching helped my muscles relax. It was a small step in my life, nothing major in the context of troubles women are facing all over the world. But for me, I know that I am not letting myself be held back physically just because I was born with X chromosome instead of Y.
1 comment:
What is holding back this woman from writing new entries? Been a while.
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