Monday, January 05, 2009

Life is like a box of chocolates :-)

"Time has come", the Walrus said, "to talk of many things"...Gamow talked about I think everything in the Universe from the number system to biology and atoms to supernovae...I'll take a small subset from that and write about it.
I blog at weird times...12:04 pm on a monday is surely not a good time for blogging...but anyway, that's not the point :-)
If I consider the learning curve of my life, insight on the y-axis and time on the x-axis, then I'll see a big bang beginning there too. At time 0, it suddenly started. I knew NOTHING when I was born but the moment I was born I was overwhelmed with many things...sound, light, pain... that was the beginning of a wonderful journey called life.
Journeys are not always easy, and long journeys are most certainly not. They have ups and downs. I was a thinker from long back because I can remember myself sitting and thinking even when I was a child. I used to imagine stories about teddy-bears and various colored fairies (the violet one being my favorite). Enid Blyton's Noddy was kind of a Gospel to me :-)
I luckily, dont just remember myself thinking, but I remember my thoughts too. The stories that I read left strong impressions on me, specially the myths of Greece and Rome. I loved that book very much. Reading has always been my hobby and books are my best friends till now.
As I grew up from the fantasizing child to a more imaginative kid, I got interested in scientific books, and the outer-space, which had always been an awesome thing for me, started to motivate me for a career in science. But my interests fluctuate and the teens were those years when I was overwhelmed with emotions. I had my first boy-friend (a sweet puppy-love) who used to bring candies and bought ice-creams for me (isn't that cute?) and I was happy to be in love!! I became fan of Aravinda de Silva, the Sri Lankan cricketer (I am still his fan) and started reading the historical novels of Saradindu Bandopadhyay where beautiful princesses and handsome guys were the protagonists.
My mind ran riot!!!
I understood that writing would be a good vent to my feelings, but I realized too that my pen is slower than my mind. I cannot put to word all my thoughts...I wanted to be a beautiful princess, an astronaut, a freedom fighter and a cricket player at the same time!!! Crazy thoughts of the teens!!!
I wrote however, kept a journal and wrote down everything... when I was in class 9, i.e.when I was 15, I ran into someone who changed my train of thoughts completely. He's my mentor Devakalpa Ghose. He unfolded the world of physics in front of my eager eyes. His character showed me how different people can be and we should not judge someone just by worldly successes. He is still my idol and I look up to his advice during all my difficult situations.
Last two years of school were the most difficult days of my life. Preparing for the school-leaving and engineering-entrance exams at once was an ordeal and I hated those exams. Though I had a very loving boy-friend that time and we were in a strong relationship, those days were troublesome. I thought my parents didnt want me to think about anything but studies, and my relationship with them hit the bottom. I threw tantrums almost everyday and it was all very BAD!!!
When I joined engineering college as an undergrad in computer science and engineering, my social life started improving. I did many things and got involved in student-groups which gave me confidence. I started to mature as an individual. (Though I still did many a stupid thing!!!) I read autobiographies of many people like our Netaji Subhas Chandra Bose, King Edward VIII, Charlie Chaplin, that helped me mature a lot. I found my identity as a girl, ambitious yet caring.
Coming to the United States was a GIANT LEAP in my life. There are pangs of growing up, I know, I can feel them. They are not good all the time. Sometimes they crush me, but something inside me stops me from falling apart. My life has become difficult, no doubt, because I have to do everything on my own...I am so far away from home and sometimes it does feel frustrating and lonely. Sometimes I have misunderstandings and bad feelings, but like gloomy days, these also pass and I see the bright golden sun again.
That's what I am and that's how my life is...it has ups and downs but is going well and I have to do lot more things. I need to be happy and keep others around me happy too. I need to love others without expecting them to love me back and I have to be a good human being above all.
1984-..... let's see what life has in store for me...I am excited!!!

2 comments:

Arnab said...

Superb !! simple thoughts flowed from hearts innermost core, taking the form of binary stream and ending up in Google web servers :)

Though i too have passed from the same roads, or nearby roads of life but could never be so truthful and expressive at same time, making perfect use of vocabulary and string variables throughout the blog.

Nothing to say much, but continue writing.. and hope some day might see your thoughts bind together as some black and white spots in paper ... :)

Maciek Smuga said...

Hello Sayari,

After some holiday dawdling and lazing around, I finally went to visit your blog - and it's great! It would be fun to chat further about journeys through life - I feel that mine was, in retrospect, a lot more chaotic than yours, possibly due to the lack of direction (I didn't bother to read autobiographies, presumably because I though they'd be boring). Anyway, please keep writing, and accept my best wishes for 2009!

cheers,
-maciek