to our Air-Borne Warriors

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high;
Where knowledge is free;
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow
domestic walls;
Where words come out from the depth of truth;
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection;
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way into the
dreary desert sand of dead habit;
Where the mind is led forward by thee into ever-widening thought
and action--
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.

-- Rabindranath Tagore
This was what Rabindranath wrote as a prayer to God. Well, we all know that, and being a Bengali, I know the actual bengali poem as well...we know a lot, we hoist our National Tricolour and shout "Jai Hind", we watch the Republic Day parade...but we dont DO anything!!!
I was watching the movie Rang de Basanti...I think this is the 3rd time I watched it and immaterial of where or with whom I am, I invariably cry while watching it. Those are the same tears that well up in my eyes when I hear about Netaji Subhas Chandra Bose or about the young revolutionaries, the Nationalists during our Freedom struggle, or when I hear about the death of our MIG-21 pilots...it's the same!!!
When I think a bit more, I find that NO, it's NOT the same!!! The freedom fighters were killed brutally, no doubt but they were killed by a foreign government. The MiG-21 pilots are falling prey to our own corrupted politicians who are busy filling their bank balances with money got by selling the brightest and the best of the Indian citizens.
I am not in a mood to write today. Staying away from my homeland, this distance is bothering me today, I am having many conflicting thoughts...my mind is again working faster than my fingers and I am writing in a confused and clumsy way I guess.
I have been hearing much about an all-loving, all-powerful God who forgives our sins and who is changing me for the better, making me patient and kind...but today, my homeland's calling!!! "Sarfaroshi ki tamanna ab humare dil mein hai!!!" My thoughts are following Rabindranath's poems again...my everlasting source of strength and compassion, the poems that show me the way when I am in a dilemma. But now, I am remembering not a prayer, but a question...the "Question" he asked God...I cannot forgive the terrorists, nor the corrupted politicians, the state-sponsored criminals of the Communist Party of India, the cruel inhuman people who are scattered all over the globe. God, I dont need anything now, just give me strength so that I can vanquish them once and for all. It is a tough task God, but I need to do my part...show me my purpose, show me my way. I will have to be your warrior Princess..."hum Bharat ki beti hai, ab utha chuki talwar..."
And I'll end this note and my thoughts about it with a line from Kaji Nazrul's "Bidrohi"..."bidrohi ronoklanto, ami sei din hobo shanto, jobe utpiriter krondon rol akashe batashe dhonibe na, atyachari r kharga kripan bheem ronobhume ronibe na, bidrohi ronoklanto, ami sei din hobo shanto..."

Life is like a box of chocolates :-)

"Time has come", the Walrus said, "to talk of many things"...Gamow talked about I think everything in the Universe from the number system to biology and atoms to supernovae...I'll take a small subset from that and write about it.
I blog at weird times...12:04 pm on a monday is surely not a good time for blogging...but anyway, that's not the point :-)
If I consider the learning curve of my life, insight on the y-axis and time on the x-axis, then I'll see a big bang beginning there too. At time 0, it suddenly started. I knew NOTHING when I was born but the moment I was born I was overwhelmed with many things...sound, light, pain... that was the beginning of a wonderful journey called life.
Journeys are not always easy, and long journeys are most certainly not. They have ups and downs. I was a thinker from long back because I can remember myself sitting and thinking even when I was a child. I used to imagine stories about teddy-bears and various colored fairies (the violet one being my favorite). Enid Blyton's Noddy was kind of a Gospel to me :-)
I luckily, dont just remember myself thinking, but I remember my thoughts too. The stories that I read left strong impressions on me, specially the myths of Greece and Rome. I loved that book very much. Reading has always been my hobby and books are my best friends till now.
As I grew up from the fantasizing child to a more imaginative kid, I got interested in scientific books, and the outer-space, which had always been an awesome thing for me, started to motivate me for a career in science. But my interests fluctuate and the teens were those years when I was overwhelmed with emotions. I had my first boy-friend (a sweet puppy-love) who used to bring candies and bought ice-creams for me (isn't that cute?) and I was happy to be in love!! I became fan of Aravinda de Silva, the Sri Lankan cricketer (I am still his fan) and started reading the historical novels of Saradindu Bandopadhyay where beautiful princesses and handsome guys were the protagonists.
My mind ran riot!!!
I understood that writing would be a good vent to my feelings, but I realized too that my pen is slower than my mind. I cannot put to word all my thoughts...I wanted to be a beautiful princess, an astronaut, a freedom fighter and a cricket player at the same time!!! Crazy thoughts of the teens!!!
I wrote however, kept a journal and wrote down everything... when I was in class 9, i.e.when I was 15, I ran into someone who changed my train of thoughts completely. He's my mentor Devakalpa Ghose. He unfolded the world of physics in front of my eager eyes. His character showed me how different people can be and we should not judge someone just by worldly successes. He is still my idol and I look up to his advice during all my difficult situations.
Last two years of school were the most difficult days of my life. Preparing for the school-leaving and engineering-entrance exams at once was an ordeal and I hated those exams. Though I had a very loving boy-friend that time and we were in a strong relationship, those days were troublesome. I thought my parents didnt want me to think about anything but studies, and my relationship with them hit the bottom. I threw tantrums almost everyday and it was all very BAD!!!
When I joined engineering college as an undergrad in computer science and engineering, my social life started improving. I did many things and got involved in student-groups which gave me confidence. I started to mature as an individual. (Though I still did many a stupid thing!!!) I read autobiographies of many people like our Netaji Subhas Chandra Bose, King Edward VIII, Charlie Chaplin, that helped me mature a lot. I found my identity as a girl, ambitious yet caring.
Coming to the United States was a GIANT LEAP in my life. There are pangs of growing up, I know, I can feel them. They are not good all the time. Sometimes they crush me, but something inside me stops me from falling apart. My life has become difficult, no doubt, because I have to do everything on my own...I am so far away from home and sometimes it does feel frustrating and lonely. Sometimes I have misunderstandings and bad feelings, but like gloomy days, these also pass and I see the bright golden sun again.
That's what I am and that's how my life is...it has ups and downs but is going well and I have to do lot more things. I need to be happy and keep others around me happy too. I need to love others without expecting them to love me back and I have to be a good human being above all.
1984-..... let's see what life has in store for me...I am excited!!!