On opening a new chapter of my life

It looks like I have not blogged in just over a year, and in my defense there is a big reason for it. I just became a mom. For all those who know me in person also know what a journey I went through to come to this. I posted about my miscarriage before, and there is a whole blog about my infertility and IVF treatments. On the final day (i.e. labor day) I went through a new set of trials because even after going through labor, getting an epidural, I still had to get an emergency c-section because the baby had her umbilical cord wrapped twice round her neck! Anyway, I already knew what a fiesty fighter she is, so she emerged victorious, proving that her name Oindri, meaning thunder aptly suits her.

So now I embarked on this mom-journey. I figured out that feeding and changing diapers can suddenly take up the whole day. I mean, so far, I knew that people have to sacrifice some sleep and that people have to change diapers, but I am failing to calculate how the mere mechanical job of changing diapers can take up so much time! And feeding... by the time she completes one feed, surprisingly, it seems within ten minutes it is time for her next feed! The math is somehow not adding up and I am pretty certain that I am sitting in that nursing chair in her room for around sixteen hours each day.

What does it feel to be a mom? It is still unbelievable. I mean, yes, really, unbelievable! I was just filling up her passport application form, and to fill in my name as the "mother", or seeing my name on her birth certificate as the mother makes my head spin. Like something is wrong there? Are they sure about it? 

Being a mom is an ethereal experience. I am sure the hormones are to blame for part of it, but I am feeling like Nature (or science, because she is an IVF baby) has entrusted in me this huge responsibility of trusting an entire human being in my care. It isn't just sacrificing sleep and waking up several times at night _(those who know me also know how much I love to sleep and that earthquakes or terrible heat, or the fright of an exam have never caused any sleeplessness in me)_, neither is the thought that she is dependent on me for almost everything now, it is the fact that I need to lead my life in a way that inspires her. In order to bring her up right, I need to do the right things in my life. That thought is the one which is challenging me. She would learn everything from me, she would look up to me for advice, watch how I am behaving in difficult times. I can't yell at her when angry and then expect her to stay calm when faced with a difficult situation. I can't sit on the couch all day and then tell her she needs to go play outside. Will it be difficult? Sometimes yes, but since I am already thinking about it, I guess when it comes to really parenting (I mean, she is a little older) then I will be prepared.

So far, she is an amazingly easygoing person with no whining and no fussiness. She went on her first weekend trip to Mt. Rainier and was just perfect. I hope that personality of her will remain along with the sublime strength in her, which has been already apparent in her journey from an embryo to a baby girl!