Talk to a random Bengali bhadrolok (gentleman) for over five minutes and he will remind you why Kolkata is still considered as the cultural capital of India. You'll hear about Rabindranath, Satyajit Ray, the role of Bengalis in the Indian freedom struggle and will also get a dose of left-liberalism. So when that city shows its ugly side, the shame we feel is twofold. The recent incident at the Kolkata Metro (subway/tube) is one such.
A young couple in their mid-twenties were beaten up by a group of older men because they were "standing too close to each other". Some people said they were hugging, some other witnesses, however, mentioned that the young man kept his hand on his female friend's shoulder trying to shield her from the crowd. That enraged the frustrated older men and just shouting "get a room" or "go to a club" was not enough, so they decided to be the moral police and beat them up.
"Do not express your affection, express your perversion instead" - my friend said it looks like this is the mantra in India now. In a society where rape has become a news that people just skim through, kind of like mass shootings in the US, I think we need to spend some thoughts about how we are bringing up our society, what are we expecting from people?
Kolkata used to boast of the humanity. We heard of foiled kidnap attempts because of local slum dwellers chasing away the kidnappers, we saw an abandoned baby being rescued by local people from a street side dustbin and then numerous families showing interest to adopt her. We knew girls are safe in public, maybe that's the reason I still prefer to take a bus, or metro over a cab while in Kolkata even now. But it is not the same anymore.
Our society on one hand is very progressive, but on the other hand, medieval mentalities still exist. A guy and a girl, if seen in public, are assumed to be a couple. And that means the girl's character is compromised. Parents of girls still proudly say, "my daughter doesn't have a boyfriend" or that "my daughter is so shy, she can't talk to boys properly". But in most of these cases, those girls have relationships that their parents don't know of. I still fail to understand why a healthy relationship is looked down upon. Isn't it normal for a healthy 20-something to physically feel attracted to someone else? But one cannot make out in their house, because you live with your parents and of course the parents should not know. Then the whole thing is done on the sly. You can't even tell your doctor if you are sexually active, because he will tell your parents and judge you. If that is your old family physician, then you'll get a scolding and a lecture at once. Guys are ashamed to buy condoms. Even if they do, they'd have to buy it from stores which are not in their neighborhood. What results from that? Unhealthy relationships and dangerous decisions!
Coming back to the point of "my daughter doesn't have a boyfriend", parents still take responsibilities for getting their kids married, and arranged marriages still happen. If you send your daughter to a girls' school, then a girls' college, restrict who she can talk to, ask 10,000 questions if a guy calls her and have the whole neighborhood be on watch to see who she is talking to, then how would she ever find a guy she may like? And then she has no idea what to expect in a relationship. Neither would her husband, if he never had a girlfriend or a close friend who is a girl. I can't emphasize enough the reasons of having co-ed schools only. It teaches kids to grow up normally, it opens different perspectives. Now when I look back at my teenage days I see how well brought up were my guy friends in school. We never had to hide the fact that we have got periods when we were with them. We felt safe when they walked us home. No wonder now I see them as great husbands, and some as fathers also.
In today's world we cannot and should not keep boys and girls separated. It is unhealthy to think of a girl's purity or character, or what. Girls and boys both need to know each other and work together towards a better society, a balanced society devoid of gender roles. The elders should support that, or if they can't then they should just step aside. Their time is over, with their frustration, old narrow mindset, they need to just leave and let the new generation step up.
