Spouses...
People have different expectations from their spouses. Some go for the look (especially in wives) or for her capacity in cooking, cleaning, rearing children. Some girls want rich husbands which would provide them with a comfy life and a social status all in one go, without them have to do anything. Some people want to see a friend in their spouses, some say that love is the most important thing....
Once upon a time, I used to think that love is the life changing thing, but now I don't. I have seen quite a few friends getting married to the guy that their parents chose and I see them as normal and happy as everyone else. So I change a bit and say - love is needed in the course of the relationship, but it's not needed to start off one. What is needed is patience, compassion and understanding... and a mentality to NOT try to dominate the other one. That comes with mutual respect.
That's what I'll talk about today. About the husbands of "emancipated women", the men who did not have a bloated "male ego".
People who think of their spouses as their equals are much less likely to have these ego issues. By "equal" I don't mean carbon copies, but equally adept in doing things on their own. That includes the wife having a successful career (read, a better, higher paying position) than the husband or the husband looking after the kids and preparing family dinners. The rest comes where both spouses act as team mates. The family depends on both, so why should it be only one person's responsibility to make sure that everything is ok? If one person is cooking dinner, the other can definitely clean the room or fold the clothes. If one is coming late from work, the other can get dinner ready (yes, the husband can, too). Also, there is a great satisfaction in doing things together - be it grocery shopping for everyday food at Costco, walking the dog, breaking up dog-cat or cat-cat fights or paying for the home mortgage....
Here is the husband of one free willed woman :) |
If we can ever get to talk to all the husbands of free willed women, women leading movements, women who have successful careers, those who have brought in break through, I assume the common point would be that these husbands respected their wives as human beings and they were proud of these women, they cherished their wives.
Pierre Curie refused to be nominated for Nobel Prize until Madame Curie was mentioned as his partner there. Kadambini Ganguly, the first woman physician of the British Empire (wiki link here) had her husband Dwarakanath Ganguly back her up, fight for her and support her. I remember an incident in this context. Even though I am not comparing a Mrs. World competitor to any of these above mentioned women, but I remember watching a Mrs. World competition where this contestant was asked what she would do if her family didn't support her. She was a little bewildered at first, not sure what to say. Then she said her prepared speech of how she would try to win over her family or explain to them or something like that. She was chosen the runners up and the moment her name was announced, we saw her husband standing up from the gallery and cheering as if he has won the greatest award in human history! Any wonder why the lady was fumbling for an answer?
Husbands of free willed women don't try to cage their wives up. They love the fact that their wives have opinions, they think of solutions and they speak up. Those husbands can discuss problems with their wives, financial issues, household stuff or even discuss the pros and cons of using Java over C#. They may play different roles in the family but the roles have been decided on what they like to do. They are not "expected to" do something just because the society wants.
I assume that boys who grew up in families where the mother was respected by the father and the sister was taught to set and reach her goals in life always grow up to be strong and bold men who are so confident in themselves that they don't need to strap down a woman and torment her to show his strength.
They say that behind every successful man there is a woman, so why can't there be a man behind every successful woman?
Note: A husband can be a best friend, but more than that he needs to be the person with whom you can be what you had always wanted to!
7 comments:
Good to know that you have realized one of the most important things in life. Now enjoy your life with the most important person He has sent to be with you forever. All the best.
Nice writing up... appreciate your understanding and emotions... ��
Java and C++ probably specific to your case but agree with the rest of the things you say, specifically in that para, it's a nice post...has Arnab read this post? It's nice to see you had your priorities clear when you got married and you enjoy the relationship. There are some annoying married people who will tell you how lucky you are to be single and "to enjoy it while it lasts", well , sure it's fun being single, and you can't predict everything and life probably will be different when you have a partner, but why should anyone in this age be in a relationship which is also not enjoyable or conducive to happiness?
Yes "Kedo Mao" is apparently Arnab's pen name :) I probably didn't have my priorities clear when I got married. The only thing I thought about was that I liked talking to Arnab. The rest came later.
Those married people who tell you that you are lucky to be single are either frustrated with their own lives, or don't want to see others really happy!
I personally feel that there is a time for everything. Like when I was in college or even in university here, it was fun to be single and enjoy that time with friends. But there comes a time when you'll need someone to share life with and even later a phase to have and bring up kids. I don't want to miss out on any of these experiences and want to cherish each of them as they come!
Heeheee, all the best to you and Kedo Maao and that pic is fun:). Kothaaye tola? Tor pechhone ki dinosaur?
and oh, I didn't mean that one should always remain single, I think being in a happy relationship adds a lot to one; just that people should get married when they are ready and also meet somebody who makes them happy, but I think these people I was talking about probably just want to be condescending:P(sometimes I wonder if they realise it could be insensitive or potentially hurtful, because one could be single due to unrequited love or a previous abusive relationship or something equally painful)
thanx for clarifying that its Arnab... ami to hashte giye agerta te bhalo kore comment i korte parlam na.
Sudhu succesful na, any kind of working [service/ self employed/ creative/ daily labour] women needs support from family [mainly husband] to go on and have proper Work-Home balance...
Tumi ki bhebechile Kedo boshe thaba diye type korche?
Support ekta side, ar khushi hoye takey successful hote help kora arekta point. Dutoi important.
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